Plan for this Month Cycle 3 with Femara

Hi guys: (for you Jenileigh!)

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your continued Prayers and faithfulness as my friends. I have felt those Prayers more than ever this month as I have went through receiving another negative via my period. God is such a comfort and I am so in love with Him. He is so good to me. I have done well this month but it is only by His grace and mercy that I wasn't consumed with depression over another month without a child. My baby is on it's way, I just know that it is.

This month, I brought up the IUI topic again. The doctor said that we could consider IUI and that she was going to up my Femara dosage to 3 pills (7.5mg) per night from days 3-10. I Pray that this will create bigger eggs and more of them. I go to the doctor next Monday for an ultrasound and possibly an IUI after that on Wed. or Thurs. Just Pray that if it is God's will, I will have two big enough follicles to do an IUI. I just want to have a child. I know God will lead me the right way. Just Pray for me.

Nope.... not pregnant

Once again I blog you this same information.... I am not pregnant this month. I Prayed really hard this morning for God to help me be at peace with it if I did start my period today and I haven't cried or gotten upset yet. I just feel sort of numb. I am Praying for God to take the bitterness and the jealousy away as well because I feel as though it is overwhelming me at times. I am a really nice person and I care about others deeply and I hate it when I feel these feelings. And they are due to the fact that my heart is grieving over a child that I feel like I've lost. A child that wasn't even there but in my heart and soul I felt that it was.

I am unsure of which way to turn or what road to go down but I just Pray that God will go with me and I know that He will. I want to be a mother more than anything in the world. I need the excitement so badly right now. Please just keep me in your thoughts and your Prayers. Please Pray that my doctor chooses the right thing for me this month and that God blesses that option. More than anything Pray that God will bless me with a baby. I just want to get a turn... I feel like the little kid that gets picked last for teams. I know there is a reason that God is making me wait. Just Pray that I can continue to wait in the right way.

I want to apologize to those of you who are pregnant or who may become pregnant before me. Please know that I am so truly happy and excited for you! I promise to try my very best to there for you but I am sorry in advance for the times that I just can't be. I love each of you deeply and I hope you know that. For those of you who have overcome infertility.... hats off to you! I am so grateful because that gives me a glimmer of hope in the dark tunnel that I am in. Please just Pray for me.

Kinda sad

So the doctor's nurse just called me and told me that my progesterone level was 14. I asked her a couple of questions because I thought on medication it was suppose to be higher but she really didn't know what to tell me so I have left a message for the doctor to call me back. I dunno. I am once again asking, make that begging for your Prayers. I trust God. I just need some help because I am feeling so overwhelmed each month with this. I'm consumed mentally with what day it is, when I take these meds, when the ultrasound is, when my shot is to be given, what my progesterone levels are, and wondering about every little symptom. Please Pray that God will carry me through the rest of this cycle and through the next if there is a next. Guys... I'm weary. The doctor called and said that it was a good level and not to worry but you know how it is.... just Pray guys. I should start my period tomorrow or Wed.

My Friend's Update

So, I've asked you all to be Praying for my friend Deanna who is also going through infertility. I haven't spoken with her yet, but I did talk to her niece yesterday who told me that during the exploratory surgery the doctor found endometriosis. The doctor (the same RE as mine) burned it off and told her that her chances of conceiving were now tripled! Keep her in Prayer as she begins a new journey of TTC!

Results of Month 2 on Femara

(Beth... this is my late update posted tonight just for you! hehe)

So, I went to my doctor yesterday. She did my ultrasound and informed me that I have a 20mm follicle on my left ovary. She said instructed me to go ahead and take my HCG shot yesterday evening at 6pm. I explained to her that I was a little frustrated last month because it didn't work. She told me that since it was the first cycle that I actually ovulated on (she's assuming that I didn't ovulate before even though I got positive OPK's), that it may have not been the best cycle for a child to be conceived. I ovulated from the right side last month so I'm just curious if that means that my left side (the one I am due to ovulate from tomorrow morning) needs to go through an entire cycle also before being ready to produce quality eggs. What do you guys think? Do you think this is what she was referring to?

I asked her if she thought something else may be going on with the PCOS and she said at this point she doesn't. She told me that usually you get pregnant within 3-4 cycles and if you don't then yes, something else may be going on. She also said that my testosterone levels (checked July 30) were high which was also an indicator of my PCOS. Lastly, she told me that we would probably add different drugs (injectibles I'm hearing) next month to create more than one egg so that my chances would be greater. And the weirdest part.... she never even mentioned IUI! I was stressing about that for nothing!

I want to believe that this is a wonderful shot at a pregnancy, but I am not going to let my mind run wild with this piece of information. I have faith that God can do this if it is His will this month, but I also know that my mind can be a dangerous place if I let it get out of control with the whole TTC issue. Pray with me and for me that this will be our successful cycle if it be God's will.

I also went to my previous OB's office and requested my medical records. I am taking them to a new doctor, Dr. Robertson, who will hopefully accept me as her patient and help me with my monthly ultrasounds (provided I don't get pregnant this month). If I am pregnant this month, she will still get to do my ultrasounds but instead of follicles, we'll be looking at a precious, little soul!

Please, Pray that if it be God's will, the timing will be perfect. Pray that the egg and the sperm will be perfect as well as the conditions in the uterus (by the way my lining was normal this month) for this conception to take place.

Thanks for all your Prayers and thoughts! I love each of you even though I haven't even met most of you! You still mean the world to me!

Ps. I promise to do better at leaving comments on your all's blogs. I have good intentions but I'm very tired lately from work and this and a hundred other things. I am reading about each of you and Praying for you!

Also, Please Pray for my friend Deanna who is having surgery tomorrow morning to figure out what is causing her infertility issues. Pray for an answer for her!!!

Thank You For Your Prayers This Week!

Just a quick post to thank you so very much for the Prayers that you guys have sent up for me this week. I can feel them! My spirit has been lifted and I have been doing well. I appreciate it. When you get low, it gets scary because you aren't really sure exactly where your mind will take you. Praise God for good friends who pick up and Pray to get you through! I love each of you!

A Cry For Prayer

Just a quick request, please Pray for my well being. You guys are my friends and my partners in crime. You totally understand what I am going through. Please, when you Pray for me, Pray that I not only can be blessed with a precious child to love, nurture and point to God. Please also Pray for my mental well being as I go through this each and every month. This has, by far, been the hardest month in a long time. I think it's because when you try something new, your hopes automatically go up even though you are trying to keep them at bay. I am mentally exhausted with the thoughts of infertility. I go through various emotions. One moment I'm fine and the next I'm freaking out. I have really had a hard time with my attitude and my demeanor in the last few days. I feel like I've been so hateful to people. I have Prayed and fought it all weekend. I truly am a nice person but I feel like there's a open, raw spot inside that just gets irritated so easily. I just feel really fragile here lately in any situation even those not related to what I'm going through.

With that said, I am feeling better. It was nice to have 3 days to not talk to anyone about children (I mean I do work in a school lol) and to not have to explain my situation this month. But reality hits and I go back to work tomorrow. Just Pray for me. Love and Prayers to you all!