28.5 Week Update

Just a quick update. Everything was well at our 28.5 week apt. My doctor listened to my lungs (I had a bad cold) and said they sounded clear. He told me to continue taking the Zpack and my Mucinex. I did and I am much better this week. I will be 30 weeks this Sunday and it feels so strange to be this far along. I finally have the "line" down my belly. It isn't very dark but I was so impressed to look down Sunday morning, while getting ready for Church, and see it. Crazy how we infertiles enjoy the little things that we spent all that time reading about. I am getting bigger by the moment it feels like. I really need to add some pictures on here. I will try to do that soon. Things have been off kilter with this move and all. I haven't had the chance to scan the last two ultrasounds (which were hard to make out) since we moved. Hopefully, I will get it all pulled together.

At 7.5 months, Zoey is making big movements. I think she's getting a little crowded because the movements are becoming different than they were in the last month or so. She moves sometimes so hard that I can see my belly actually move. It is the neatest thing. I always wondered what that would feel like and it truly is the best feeling. I Praise God for this opportunity and I continue to Pray that it will come to each of you my dear friends or that the "right" road for a child will come to you. After watching Elaine go through her adoption of Little Bug, I know that there are many routes to happiness as a parent. None are better than others, just dependant on God's will.

I also feel like Zoey has developed a sleep pattern. I read that they can do that. She wakes up at 8am every morning. Now will I be that blessed when she gets here? I dunno but it's fun right now to expect to feel her waking up at that time and to actually feel it. She's already stubborn and continues to dislike the doppler. She loves for my mom to talk to her and always starts kicking. Mom is the only person she will kick for besides me. She will be a spoiled child when it comes to clothes because she already has more than me (ok ... not exactly but she has a lot) and she's not even here. She just keeps getting more outfits from sweet friends.

Her daddy is getting ready to put flooring down in her room. No more carpet... but some hardwood and an area rug. I think it will look really good and I'm excited to get this ball rolling. It's making me nervous to think that her room isn't finished yet. But we are going as fast as we can go with all this house stuff and still aren't finished.

On another note... please Pray for my friend Stephanie. She went through infertility for years, too. Her daddy went home to be with Jesus last night after a very short battle with bone cancer and the family is so hurt. I can't even imagine. She is glad that he isn't suffering, but like any of us... they miss him and are devastated. Please Pray for them anytime you think of it... especially tomorrow evening during the visitation and the funeral.

Also, please Pray for one of my students who was diagnosed with leukemia today. Pray for the Lord to be with her and to take care of her and her family.

Last but not least, please Pray for my Pastor's son. He is 22, a senior in college majoring in theology, married a little over a year and has a baby due about 4 days before our Zoey is due. He was diagnosed with a rare children's cancer that comes from the embryonic fluid that is left over from infancy. It is called Ewings Sarcoma Pnet. It has been a real shock to our church and he and his family have been battling so much. Please Pray that the Lord will guide the course of action for the doctors to take to help him rid his body of this cancer. Pray that Jesus would just touch him and heal him. He has been called to preach and even feels led to take over our church when his dad is not able anymore. I really feel that God has a plan for this young man's life and I feel like He is molding him into the man he needs to be to take on such a big role.

Please join me in Prayer about these situations as well as continuing to remember my family and this pregnancy. I love you guys and I am still burdened daily for you. I remember you in Prayer every time I Pray. God bless!

The Heart Of An Infertile

Almost 28 weeks later, here I am pregnant with a little girl who I just adore even though I only know her through her kicks and her presence. But I truly would give my life to make sure she is ok. So much has changed. I feel so different in many ways. I am planning for something that I have Prayed about for many years. I am getting to do all the things I thought I'd never get to do. But in many ways, I am still the infertile who's heart hurts.

If I never get to have another child, I will still feel blessed. I Pray I get the opportunity to, but to be able to go through this once is such a miracle to me. I have enjoyed every moment, even those that are not so good and not so pleasant. Is it crazy that I can be out in town and hear a baby crying and still tear up? I did that before I got pregnant. It hurt my heart to hear that sound because I feared that I may never hear my own child cry. Is it crazy that when my best friend from college called the other day to tell me about her findings from her RE and was sobbing and broken hearted, that I, too, broke down just as though it were happening to me all over again? Is it crazy that when I kneel to Pray that all my infertile friends (all infertile folks actually) are some of the first to come to my mind? I don't think any of it is crazy personally. I always wondered if I would continue to harbor these feelings, and I have my answer... I do. I think it is God's purpose for me to carry the burden for infertility because I have been there.

I get asked all the time if I ever got so low that I didn't have a clue which way to turn. Definitely! All infertility is hard, but when you are so emotionally, financially, & physically drained from going through month after month of failed cycles that cost so much it is extremely difficult. When you are so exhausted with having to plan how to use your sick days in the most effective way, how to get off work to get to your RE 2 hours away and then get back to finish teaching, and how to have enough energy to do your normal activities.... that's when it gets hard. The hardest point is being too mentally and emotionally stable to even be yourself anymore. You can't go to your friend's baby showers, hold their children, hear them cry, listen to folks tell you that you don't understand because you don't have kids.... you know you are low.

But... in some way, God answers your Prayers. Not always does that mean you get pregnant, ask Elaine over at God's Faithfulness Through Infertility. But God does have His own plan for each of us. And it is much easier to talk about that plan when you are looking back than it is to talk about it when you are still wondering what it is. Do I know my total plan? No. Do I still have fears? Most definitely. I carry things in the back of my mind, especially due to my high risk status and issues. But I trust that God knows best. I Pray that He sees fit for this little girl to be born healthy and in His time. I Praise Him for this opportunity that to me is the greatest miracle aside from Salvation!

So to my infertile friends... please know that I have not forgotten you and God hasn't forgotten you! I don't know what's to come in each of your lives, but I Pray that it is what your heart desires. I Pray for each of you all the time and I love you dearly though I've never met most of you. Know that I still grieve with you and I still feel the pain of infertility as I did 7 months ago. You are in my Prayers daily and I am rooting for each of you!

Baby Shower and Update 26.5 weeks

So... I know most of my blogger friends live states and states away.... but I still wanted to extend an invite to my Baby Shower this coming Monday at 3:30pm at my school. If any of you are in the neighborhood and want to stop by just let me know and I can give you more details! I am excited and nervous. I know it's crazy but I hate having all the attention focused on me.... can you believe that? haha But I am excited to get all kinds of baby stuff and to get to start working on Zoey's nursery again the coming weeks.

In other news... WE HAVE MOVED! WOW! Let me just say that I am completely exhausted and I had forgotten just how much work it is to move. I have to collect a few more cleaning supplies from my apartment ( we overhauled it on Tuesday evening so that it would be nice when we moved out) and then I will turn in our keys tomorrow or Saturday morning. It is bittersweet to me. I loved my apartment. It was very nice and very big (like 1,400 square feet). We have had a lot of good memories there including coming home from work as a newly pregnant woman who was completely in shock. haha : ) But, we have outgrown our apartment and we definitely are loving our new home and all the extra square footage plus the garage and the huge yard we have. I will be loving the pool this summer as well : ) God has truly blessed us!

I haven't posted in almost a month! I usually try to update at least every 2 weeks so you can tell I've been busy. My doctor's appointment at 24.5 weeks consisted of a cervical length check (3.5cm) and a Fetal fibronectin test. This test detects fetal fibronectin, which is a glue like substance that begins to be discharged when you are within weeks of going into labor. If you get a positive reading, this means you could go into labor in the next 2 weeks. If you get a negative reading, there is a 99% chance that you will not go into labor in the next 2 weeks. The negative test is much more reliable than the positive. My test that week came back negative. That was great news because I wanted baby Zoey to keep growing and I wanted to continue to stay off bed rest so that I could enjoy my baby shower in the coming weeks. I didn't get to see Zoey at that appointment and I was disappointed but I was told I'd see her every time after that. I did have my second glucose screening and it actually came back better than the first. My level was 115 which was well within normal range. I was so glad! My thyroid came back fine as well.

Yesterday was my 26.5 week appointment. I again had the fetal fibronectin test and it came back negative again. Thank the Lord! My cervix measured 3.34 which is a bit shorter than before but I did have a different ultrasound tech (my favorite one is moving back to her hometown :( ) and they weren't concerned as long as it stays about 3 we are in good shape. I did get to see Zoey and I have 2 pictures of her (her spine mainly because she wouldn't roll over for good pictures. She now weighs 2lbs and was sleeping on her belly with one foot all the way up to her butt. So cute! Her heartbeat was 138 yesterday and I think 142 last time.

At 26.5 weeks she is moving around a lot. She as been for about 5 weeks or so now. I love feeling her. I also love just listening to her heartbeat. I even went out to the car during my planning period the other day to listen to her because I hadn't heard her heart in a few days due to all the moving and unpacking. She apparently still doesn't like the doppler and loves to kick it when I start trying to listen. It's quite funny. You can hear the thud on the machine and see my belly move. She's been doing that since the first time I listened to her with it. I thank God for these little moments that she and I share! I also thank God that my mom was able to feel her move today and to actually see my belly move. It just tickled her too death. She is so in love with this little girl already as are we all. Thank You Heavenly Father for this tiny, 2lb blessing growing inside me as we speak!

I have purchased her stroller, car seat, and high chair. I got all 3 at Kmart at a really great price. They are brown and green because I want to be able to reuse them if I am blessed with another child down the road. I didn't really want to put a possible, future baby boy in a pink stroller haha The print is called African Safari and I really like the brown and green together. Her room is BRIGHT PINK. My dear friend Tina is suppose to come paint a Care Bear mural on the wall if we can ever get my hubby's stuff out of there and we still have to hang the Care Bear border as well as get the furniture from my SIL. Still a lot to do.

I feel ok. I am staying really, really sore down low like where my torso meets my legs...I guess the groin area. I am also feeling more pressure down low. My feet and legs are swelling some at the end of the day but nothing that is too major. I am still grouchy a lot haha I also have hormonal episodes and speak my mind a lot more than I use to (sorta like I did when I was young). But I'm not too awful haha. The heartburn is getting worse... that's the one symptom that's followed me pretty much through the whole thing.

I guess I will head out. It's after midnight and I'm still going. I actually had a nap today. I never take naps anymore.... just never have time. All I do is work, unpack, sleep and repeat haha. God bless each of you and know that I am still Praying for you! Remember if you are near here Monday let me know!

Ps. I will add the new ultrasound pictures as soon as we hook our printer/scanner up...it may be a few weeks!