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Monday, February 2, 2009

Laying Low

As much as I love to talk and blog... I've been trying to lay low these last couple of months. I just am trying to not solely focus on my infertility. I am doing this same thing at work because it's really easy for everyone to get involved and then it's really hard to have to let them see you get more negative news. I know my God is real and I feel like I'll get great news but I am just protecting myself.

That's something I've been wanting to post for awhile now. I have learned that I have to protect myself. As much as I love babies and those that I know who have or are having them... I have to be proactive in keeping my mental state up. I really honestly have not ever been a selfish person. Sure... I have certain selfish tendencies like anyone... ask my husband. HAHA But in reality I have spent my entire life worrying about other people. And I feel like that's the Christian thing to do. That's why I have had such a hard time just backing off with the checking in and talking about pregnancy or baby related issues because I have felt like I am not being supportive if I don't.

But I have had an epiphany in the last couple of months. I have realized that I have to take care of myself or I am going to be of no use to anyone anyway. I was really on a downward spiral there for a few months and I tell ya it was hard. I am by no means out of the woods at all. But now I am just trying to keep some things to myself and try to not be so involved with the very things that are in the same realm as what I'm going through. It's very hard... very, very hard. I want to be myself but right now I can't and I need to just take care of myself.

With that said... though it may sound harsh and awful of me.... I am not putting myself into "baby" situations, be it conversations, tons of pictures, baby showers, or friendly gatherings involving myself and friends/anyone who is pregnant or a new mom. I love all of my dearest folks and I mean this for the best I promise. I just can't go there right now. With that said, there are times I can talk about things and I do if I can. It's those rare moments that I do treasure. I want to be a part of everything but only when I feel like I really "can."

Those of you who are around me daily (like my work buddy Kim who is preggo) already know these things but I felt like it was something I needed to post on here for all my pals to see. And for my blogger pals... I promise to try to post more as I can. I actually miss constantly updating.

I am Praying for each of you infertility gals and each of you preggo gals. I love each of you dearly! Continue to keep me in your Prayers and know that you are so very dear to my heart.

Hopefully and Prayerfully I can post my good news soon!

Ps. I do want to share this... my progesterone level was 27 today. Praise You Precious Heavenly Father for that!

Also... Please keep Praying for my aunt. Her cancer hormones are dropping fast which is great, but the chemo has left her white blood cell count extremely low. Pray for her health. We don't want her to develop leukemia or anything (it is possible due to her chemo though they are giving her a different chemo to counteract that).

And... Pray for me I am a tad under the weather with a really bad cold.

5 Remarks:

beth ewing

well i'm proud of you. you know i'm in the same place and have been for a little bit. and i know it might hurt some peoples feelings but you do have to protect yourself. it really has been the best decision for me. it has helped me get out of the funk and be back on track to being a normal human being. hehe! hang in there and know that this IS NOT forever.

Dave and Elaine

You are doing the right thing in my opinion. And communicating how you must handle this to protect yourself should hopefully let your friends, co-workers etc...understand where you are coming from and not become "hurt" at your "lack of interest" in their pregnancies because they will know where you stand.

Even though I don't know you personally, I can tell from your blog that you are a very caring person and put other people before yourself.

Praying for your miracle this month.

Hear My Cry

(((Alicia))) Sweetie I'm praying for you. You do what you have to. You are always on my mind, in my thoughts and in my prayers. I see your smiling face and I ask the Lord to open your womb and bless you with many children. I pray that He draw you closer to Him during this time, that He teach you, grow you and use you. How many you touch already, I see multitudes coming. I'm here if you need to talk.

Stacey

I understand, my friend. I think it's totally reasonable to take as much time as you need!

Charis

I don't know if I've ever commented on here before but I have been reading your blog for months now. I am in the midst of the journey of infertility. I have prayed for you and wanted to thank you for your vulnerability on here. You are so brave. Your faith in the Lord has been an encouragement to me.
I understand (more than I want to) what you are feeling. No matter how long before posts I will be praying for you. I can't wait for the day when I come to your blog and read that you got a BFP!! I pray that day comes soon.
Just wanted you to know that you have been a blessing to me.