Genesis 30: 22 - And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

So ... God did remember me. I am pregnant! Can you even believe that? I still really can't! Here's what happened:

I spotted yesterday... not enough to hit the paper really. I really thought that it was over, but I felt the peace of God. I felt it as I posted my blog entry last night. This morning I woke up to sore boobs. I still was pretty unsure. I went to work and was talking to my coworkers about how I thought it was over for the month. They kept saying that they had spotted during their pregnancy, too.

Fast forward to about 10:15 a.m. My students were switching classes and even though I was not planning to check my voicemail I kept looking to see if I had any. At that time, I realized I didn't have any. I was putting my phone back in my desk drawer and it started ringing. The number that showed up was a Knoxville number. I decided to answer it so I went behind my chart stand in my classroom so I would be on the phone in front of my kids. It was my doctor who proceeded to speak in a chipper, sunshine voice. She told me my test was positive. I was like, "Are you sure?" She said yes.

I was in shock. Complete shock! I stepped outside my classroom to continue talking. I told her about the spotting and she said that she definitely wanted to check my progesterone to be sure it wasn't getting low, especially since I was spotting yesterday (which didn't alarm her). She wanted it back today so she wanted me to drive to Knoxville to UT for the blood work. She told me that my HCG level was 29. She said it was a little lower than she wanted but that she wasn't worried about it as long as it kept doubling. She told me she was faxing all the orders to have the progesterone and the repeated HCG testing done over the next few days.

I was so shocked. I literally slid along the wall to the teacher next door, who was my 2nd and fourth grade teacher, and I said, "It was positive." She looked at me like what? I repeated it and she started screaming. I then went looking for my mom and found her in the teacher's lounge. I told her it was positive and she started screaming, "WooHoo!" I then called my husband who thought I was kidding! HAHA Then my friend Tina in the office and then my friend Deanna and Kim and my mother-in-law....etc. My momma called my dad, aunt, and brother. My aunt and brother knew all along... they just kept telling me that I was pregnant. My aunt said that God was speaking to her the whole time and letting her know that. She is such a blessing to me!

I walked around in a daze the rest of the day and left an hour early to head to UT. My mom and I were so exhausted driving. I was on the phone the entire way there. I had my blood work done and then got a call from my niece who is in Kindergarten. She told me that a little bird had told her that I was going to have a baby and then she proceeded to talk about what she was gonna do with the baby and etc.

Finally, at about 8pm I made it home after a pit stop at my mom's to see my dad and brother. I talked to my little cousin (she's in Pharmacy school and not really that little) and then I hit the shower. I took my digital test right before the shower just so I could see the word and there it was ... Pregnant!

I am still in shock! I Praise God for this blessing. I admit... I am nervous about all the levels and everything turning out ok. But God is good and He is faithful. I truly believe He will bring this to pass. Please... continue to Pray that everything goes well. That the progesterone is ok and that the HCG levels continue to double. I will keep you posted.

Thanks for all the Prayers you have Prayed and will be Praying. I love each of you more than you know even though I haven't met most of you!

Most of all... THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER.... SO MANY BLESSINGS YOU HAVE BESTOWED UPON ME. I AM SO UNDESERVING. I AM NERVOUS BUT ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT ELSE YOU ARE GOING TO DO. THIS CHILD IS YOURS FIRST AND FOREMOST AND I DEDICATE IT'S PRECIOUS NEW FORMING LIFE BACK TO YOU EVEN NOW ON THIS FIRST DAY THAT I KNOW OF IT'S EXISTENCE. THANK YOU PRECIOUS JESUS FOR THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR ME AND THE HOPE THAT I HAVE IN YOU!

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Love in Him,

*Sigh*

Just a quick note. I've been sick to my stomach since yesterday afternoon and I admit that it sort of had me thinking. Today after a nap, I took my progesterone shot as usual. As soon as I took it, I went to the bathroom and I was spotting. I have pretty much stopped for now but I am assuming it's because of the progesterone shot earlier. I went ahead and had my blood work done tonight after church instead of having to get up earlier in the morning before work. I probably won't check my voice mail for the results until after work. Just continue to Pray for me. God is still good even in the despair of this night! Glory to His name!

Ps. I dropped a book that our pastor went through with us about 5 years ago entitled "Praying When Life Hurts." It's kind of fitting that it just fell out during church because I think it's something I truly need to read right now. God knows exactly what to do for us doesn't He?

Waiting it out ....

First and foremost thanks to all of you who are Praying so hard and to those who have left sweet, sweet words of encouragement ... family and friends alike! You'll never know just how much you are appreciated.

I am feeling not so great today. I've been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days. Just the ups and downs of dreading finding out this news. I still have Hope that this is my month, but I am still a bit scared as well and exhausted more than anything. I feel like I won't be waiting too much longer because I feel like I'm trying to start my period. My lower back hurts and I feel really jittery. (I do the 'jittery' thing sometimes before my period). I also feel really nauseated. It's a toss up because periods and pregnancy have a lot of the same symptoms. I won't be surprised to see red soon even though I really hope that I don't.

I have really felt God speaking to me in these last few days. Last night I was watching Pastor John Hagee (I record his preaching) and he was speaking about hope. He said that hope is not just wishful thinking... our Hope is in the Lord. I've always known that but the things he brought out in his sermon just really touched my heart. This morning I was having my Prayer time and I wanted to hear a song before I started reading my Bible. I accidentally clicked on a link which took me to Natalie Grant's Myspace page and the song "Our Hope Endures" began to play out of the blue. I had heard that song on one of my many long trips home from the RE. This song I am not claiming as my theme song! I just sat and cried the entire time that it played. God is soo good even in the midst of these storms. Here He is trying to provide peace to my troubled. Thank you Father!

I don't know what will happen in the next couple of days. I honestly don't. I know what my heart wants to happen ... I want to find out that I'm pregnant and begin a journey that will be hard but worthwhile. Most importantly, as hard as it may be for me to accept, I want God's will in this situation more than anything and in my entire life for that matter.

Please continue to Pray my faithful sisters (and brothers who read or keep up in some way). Pray for God's will and Pray for my heart and my well being regardless of this outcome. Pray for guidance from Our Heavenly Father as to what to do in the coming months. Pray for peace and mercy. And Pray for others who are out there (like my friend Dena) who are also awaiting their news, whether it be about infertility or some other problem.

Please enjoy Natalie Grant's "Our Hope Endures":




Lyrics:

Our Hope Endures
By Natalie Grant

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged


Much Love to Each of You!

National Infertility Awareness Week Is This Week! ... Thanks Dena

In the woes of all my personal drama... I didn't realize that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Take just a moment to Pray for all of us who are going through infertility. If you are not an infertile.... take a few minutes to do speak something kind to those who are. I know from experience that we truly appreciate kind words : ) God bless!

Psalm 37 ... God's Reminders to Me

So ... last month in the shower Psalm 37:4 came to my heart. I was disheartened and hurt and God spoke to me through that verse. Today during Prayer time I was flipping through my Bible and landed on Psalm 37. As I started reading I ran into that verse. It brought tears to my eyes to see what God was once again reminding me of. Tonight at our church my pastor opened up the service with ... Psalm 37. Once again, it brought tears to my eyes. How good God is and how awesome His promises are!

I know that no matter the outcome this weekend ... He has a big plan for my desires. I am not saying that if I get a negative result that I won't be upset and hurt... but deep down I'll always know that God has a perfect will and that He is keeping me right in the center of it and I'll be grateful for that opportunity!

(Side note: my progesterone was 72)

Please read this chapter:

Psalm 37 (King James Version)

Psalm 37

¹Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

²For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

³Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

⁴Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

⁵Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

⁶And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

⁷Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

⁸Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

⁹For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

¹⁰For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

¹¹But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

¹²The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

¹³The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

¹⁵Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

¹⁸The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

¹⁹They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

²⁰But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

²¹The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

²²For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

²³The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

²⁴Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

²⁵I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

²⁶He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

²⁷Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

²⁸For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

³⁰The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

³¹The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

³²The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

³³The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

³⁴Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

³⁵I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

³⁶Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

³⁷Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

³⁸But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

³⁹But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.

⁴⁰And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

8 DPO ... Just A Drop

Nothing really to report. I feel absolutely nothing. Should I? It's amazing to me that all the information I need and desire to know, yet am scared to death to hear .... is all found in one drop of blood. How awesome to think of a drop of blood that is way more important than mine ... the blood of Jesus! All that I needed forever .... found in just one drop of His shed blood for my sins! How awesome. And today I hold his verse dear because it is all I have in the midst of this 2ww.

Joshua 1:9

King James Version Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Please just continue to Pray for this precious miracle that happens to many but is only realized by a few ... I want to be in that few.

1 DPO

Just a quick note... today is day 1 past ovulation. The IUI went well yesterday. I again took my Prayer cloth with me. Funny .. I lost it in the office when I was getting dressed after the procedure. I got down the street and realized it, so I headed back to the office and my doctor dug through the garbage (I had accidentally thrown it away with the paper that covered me) until she found it. I want to hang on to my Prayer cloth because it is something tangible that I can hold that reminds me of all the Prayers that are going up for me and Baby Goodlett.

My RE told me that she had once had a girl hold a baby Jesus figure while having her IUI. The girl got pregnant and passed it to all of her friends who got pregnant. : ) We got a kick out of that. I guess you just had to hear her tell me that story : )

Anyway... continue to Pray that God is knitting this precious child in my womb even now as we speak! I believe that He will! Another thing, Pray for my abdomen which is extremely sore.. not sure if it's from my swollen ovaries, ovulation, or both. Anyway... I've been in pain for 2 days. It's not unbearable but it is uncomfortable.

Much love!

PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THIS BLESSED CYCLE!

5 Left Sided Eggs..... Wowing Estradiol Levels... It's all up to the Tube ... nah... Actually it's up to God!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

²²And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

Well.......

I still have all 5 eggs growing! That was great news. The even better news came at about 4pm this evening when my RE called to tell me that my estradiol levels were around 2,011 ( i think that was the exact number). WOW! Just so in shock at how well this cycle has gone. But why? My Heavenly Father has guided me through each day of it and I truly believe that my precious baby is just waiting to be formed this weekend!

My RE said that this was my absolute best chance so far. She said that it was all up to my lil left tube! I know that it's really up to my BIG, STRONG HEAVENLY FATHER! She said that my tube needs to reach out and grab these eggs and that that's why our goal is to have so many eggs. She said that sometimes with an abnormal uterus, your tube doesn't move around and grab the eggs as easily. So I Pray right now that God would let this tube be very mobile this time and that it would pick up the perfect eggs and the right amount of eggs.

Lastly, we are flirting with multiple babies again. PLEASE... Pray that God will give me what I can handle physically (with my unicornuate uterus condition). I hate the thought of being put in the situation of having to make hard decisions.


I am still claiming my faith statement. God will do this... I believe that with all my heart. He works in His time and Lord knows that I know that! I Pray that His will will be done and I honestly believe that the creation of this baby is a part of that will.

Prayer Requests:

1. Pray that my tube does it's job!
2. Pray that everything is perfectly compatible with my hubby's sample and my eggs!
3. Pray that my uterus will be ripe and ready (oh yea... she said that it looked better than it ever had to hold a baby!)
4. Pray for a safe trip to Knoxville for us and some money breaks (cheaper hotel rates haha ) along the way.
5. PLEASE... ASK YOUR CHURCHES TO PRAY FOR ME SUNDAY MORNING ... I WILL BE HAVING THIS DONE ON SUNDAY MORNING AROUND 8:30. ASK EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW TO PRAY! AND PRAY ACCORDING TO GOD'S WILL!

Much love!

P.S. My aunt Sandy and my mom feel that this is it... I just Pray that it is!

Praise God For Answered Prayers!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

²²And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

Quick, Wonderful, Awesome Praise report and Prayer requests for you.

Yesterday, my mom went for a second mamogram to check a small lump that was found and it came back noncancerous. She also recieved the results from the genetic testing. Praise the Lord, she didn't have it which means my brother and I can't have it. Such a blessing.

I went for my Day 10 ultrasound and had 7 eggs... 5 on the left (good side) 2 on the right (not connected side but in a rare way could happen). My estradiol levels were in the 600's (642 I think)! Praise be to God for this good news.

Prayer Request:
1. Continue to Pray for my aunt who is almost finished with her chemo and is back at work as a principal.

2. Pray my eggs continue to grow on the left side. There's always a chance that they could stop growing, (like 2 of them did last month). Just Pray that if it is God's will, they will continue to grow.

3. Pray for God's will in this cycle. Pray that if it is any way possible in His will that this would be the month. I know He can and I believe in my heart that He will! I am at my wits end with this whole process but He is carrying me through it. He is soo good.

4. Last but not least, Pray that my mom's next 2 appointments (rheumatologist and doctor for her bulging disk along with her upcoming cardiologist apt. in July) go well and that she can get some relief. If it seems like my mom has been through a lot... she has. But she is the strongest woman I know and she truly is my very best friend here on earth! I Praise God for her and my dad for that matter. She is worthy of our Prayers!

Much love to each of you!
Many Prayers for your situations!
God loves you and so do I!

A Woman with Issue is Healed .... soon ... By Faith

I was reading my Bible this morning in Job. I've been reading there for awhile now. I came across a verse in Job 16 that referenced Isaiah 50:6. That verse dealt with Jesus being obedient unto death. I then flipped to the New Testament to read about the Crucifixion and resurrection of my blessed Savior keeping in mind that this is Easter weekend. On my way to those readings, I flipped past Luke 8: 41-48, A Woman with Issue Is Healed. I kept flipping but for some reason I was drawn to go back to these verses.

I have read this a thousand times but I felt, as I read it this time, that I could view it as my story. I felt as though it was my promise to come. No, I don't have an issue of blood full flowing for 12 years, but I have had an issue of infertility for 2. I think the faith in this story is what matters, not the condition.

Here is the story (when I say story, I mean true story) from 3 of the gospels.

Luke 8:41-48 (King James Version)

⁴¹And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house:

⁴²For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went the people thronged him.

⁴³And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,

⁴⁴Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.

⁴⁵And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

⁴⁶And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.

⁴⁷And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.

⁴⁸And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.

Matthew 9:18-22 (King James Version)

¹⁸While he spake these things unto them, behold, there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, saying, My daughter is even now dead: but come and lay thy hand upon her, and she shall live.

¹⁹And Jesus arose, and followed him, and so did his disciples.

²⁰And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:

²¹For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.

²²But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

Mark 5:21-34 (King James Version)

²¹And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea.

²²And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,

²³And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live.

²⁴And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.

²⁵And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,

²⁶And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,

²⁷When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.

²⁸For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

²⁹And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

³⁰And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

³¹And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

³²And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

³³But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.

³⁴And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

No, I don't have a disease I am dying with. But mentally it feels that way at times. It has been said that infertility patients sometimes have depression similar to those who have battled cancer. It is an ongoing thing that is so hard to find relief in aside from the peace from Jesus Christ.

Notice the things I have made bold in print. The woman had been sick for awhile and had spent everything she had on doctors. Sounds familiar to me, how about you? I love my doctor dearly but she is not the person who will make me conceive. She does all that she can do and then it is up to God.

If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.

If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

I feel this way myself. I feel as though I am diving through the crowd to just touch the hem of my Savior's garment.

And what happened when she did? She was healed instantly. The Bible doesn't say that she began feeling better, no it was straightway, right then. And she felt her complete healing right then!

Imagine this woman! How awesome would it be to take this leap of faith? To touch this Savior's garment with all faith that you would be healed and for it to actually happen! She must have lived the rest of her life with the words of her Savior echoing in her mind, "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace."

Is this worth suffering for? I think so. Twelve years she spent suffering and coping with this disease before this healing and yet it brought her to this wonderful experience with Jesus. I think my infertility is worth suffering for because it has brought me closer to my Savior. I think that His answer is awaiting me and that it will be a miraculous experience. I don't know how or when but I claim this promise.

I want to be found touching Jesus' hem. I want to hear Him say, "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace." And I want to do just that, to go in peace.

It is a scary thing to step out on faith. Yet, I believe in my situation, that's where God is leading me. Total and complete surrender of this situation to Him and His will. I have faith that I will hear His words and be blessed with a precious gift from Heaven in the form of 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.

I claim my faith statement from last month. I believe this will be the month. Most importantly, I believe that no matter what month it is, it WILL (not just can) happen, just in God's time.

Have a great Easter guys and remember the cost of our Salvation. Most importantly, remember that this same Jesus who died a horrible death and arose on the third day .... is the same Jesus who is or can carry you through this down pouring rain of infertility or whatever your struggle is.

Progesterone Month 5 Post Op

Just a quick note to tell you my progesterone results.... 22. My doctor said that was good, though I have to admit I really thought that it would be higher since I'm taking these shots. But oh well. I'm just thankful to God that it was higher than it was last month. Thank you Father!

I feel crampy and my knees ache ( just like they always do before my visitor). I just Pray that it is this month. I figure that I may be late starting if it isn't because of the progesterone supplements. I've heard they can delay your period. Any of you guys have that happen?

1 Peter 5:6-7 .... and I Would Die For That

1 Peter 5:6-7

King James Version
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Father, I Pray that this will be my "due time."

3rd IUI and My Faith Statment

The IUI went well yesterday. My cervix had to be moved a bit again (as always) and there was a bit of bleeding. There were also a few issues that made them have to spin the specimen a bit longer because of thickness but it all turned out well. I took my Prayer cloth from Shelly and Brandon's church and placed it over my left ovary and uterus area. I Prayed the entire time that I had to wait after the procedure was completed.

Michael and I went down after Church on Wed. It was such a long day with our district walk-thru at work, my nephew (cousin) coming to visit, mamaw stopping by, Church, and then a middle of the night trip to Knoxville! We didn't arrive at our hotel until like after midnight. We ended up staying at a closer hotel this time and we even got a discount through Michael's work.

I felt myself getting ill Wed. but I just kept pushing myself because that's what I do best! haha Anyway, it hit Thursday morning. When I say hit, I mean it hit hard. I was exhausted from coughing and sneezing all night, so much so that I didn't even want to be touched let alone have an IUI. But I went and dropped off the specimen and then went back to the hotel to have a contential breakfast with my hubby before heading back for the procedure.

The doctor put me on progesterone in oil shots and I had to overnight them from Barron's Pharmacy in Ohio. The 2 vials of PIO and the needles and syringes plus the overnight shipping was $96 bucks. Doesn't seem like a lot but it is when you are already paying hundreds for your meds in the first place plus a couple hundred for the IUI and travel/rooms. Mentally exhausting.

So anyway, my doctor and I laughed for a few minutes together about me and my random "shot" moments on the side of the highway. She also told me to let her know if this cold got worse, ie. a fever, so that she could put me on a safe antibiotic. I had to end up calling this morning because it did just that.

After the IUI yesterday, Michael and I went to Wasabi's, my favorite Japenese place in Knoxville. He always wants to take me because I love it but I had to force myself to enjoy it yesterday because I felt so bad. I slept most of the way home and then most of the evening.

I was watching Pastor John Hagee's sermon on writing down your request as a statment of faith and not believing that God can do it but that God will do it. It was really uplifting and I enjoyed it thoroughly. So I am going to write my faith statement on my blog since I consider it my safe place.

"I am asking God to bless me with my very own child(ren) and a personal pregnancy with each one this month. I know that God cares for me and is in control. I also know that HE CAN. But beyond that, my step of faith this month is to realize that HE WILL."

Pastor Hagee mentioned that it is scary to write something so affirmative down on paper and I must admit that it is. It's hard to totally say I am giving over totally to this faith and it will happen. But, shouldn't I be able to let my faith be that strong? Well here is my attempt to try!

So... please continue to Pray for the success of this cycle if it be God's will and for me to get better soon from this silly cold. Keep Praying about all the previous requests, too.

News From Yesterday's Ultrasound

I went back for my final ultrasound yesterday. Two of my eggs had stopped growing so I am left with 2. I, of course, have worried about that. However, I do realize that maybe it was an answer to my Prayer to God that I wouldn't have to be put in a decision to decide about extra babies that my little uterus didn't have room for.

My doctor called me at about 5:30 yesterday evening after I had just gotten finished crying out some of my frustration and was reading my Bible. She told me that my estradiol level was 469 which was right where she wanted it. I asked her if she still thought I had a good shot at it this cycle and she said yes. She went on to say that we were going to be extremely aggressive next cycle if this one didn't work because she really wants me pregnant by the end of the next cycle. This has been my biggest fear the entire time, not getting pregnant in this 6 month window after surgery because this is the best time for it to work. The aggressive cycle she was telling me about will include triple the meds I have been on which is triple the money that I've been paying. She also said that we'd really be flirting with multiples with the increase in meds. Talk about sick. I felt like I was going to throw up after calculating that up.

I completely let go after hanging up and I just cried and grieved my heart out. Here I had just gotten good news about my estradiol levels and I was already worrying about money for the next cycle because I have to order all that this week. I cried and cried and my mother (my best earthly friend in the world) was at a loss. She, of course, started tearing up and told me that it was so hard to watch me daily hang on by a thread. That pretty much sums up how I feel. Just hanging by a tiny thread that is ready to break at any given moment.

Guys, I'm sick of worrying about getting pregnant, yet I can't let go of it. I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't even remember what it was I use to think about before infertility. I can't remember who I was, because I have definitely lost most of that person in these last 2 years. I tired of being on pins and needles every day. I'm physically exhausted with all the running and trying to do all my normal things as well. I'm tired of having to answer questions all the time out in public and having to act ok when sometimes I'm really not. God please help me! I feel like I am trapped in a hole and I can't see my way clear.

I know things could be worse. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful family who are all still alive and ok. I'm thankful for my Salvation and for all my many blessings. I just don't know how else to deal with my dream of becoming a mother slipping further away. I trust God and I know He has a plan. I just definitely need your Prayers to help me continue on. I gave this cycle to God on the day it started and I have been trying to not think so much about it. I was doing really good with that until yesterday.

I haven't the slightest idea how I will come up with these massive amounts of money each month and the consequences of an extremely aggressive cycle, ie. multiple babies. I'm trying to just not think and lean on God. Please Pray that I can do just that.

In the midst of all my personal turmoil, I still want to thank my precious Savior for His love and His patience with me. HE alone knows what my frame can take and I trust Him no matter how hard this is. I love you Father.

God's Will ... CD 10 Month 5 after surgery

Hi guys:

Well... we all Prayed for God's will (which we always do) and His will for me today was to have 3-4 really good eggs on my good side. Praise His name! He is much better to me than I deserve. The doctor said that this month looks really promising. She said my eggs seemed to be moving much faster than last month and my estradiol levels came back at 282 at CD 10. Last month on CD 9 my levels were 82. This is a big improvement. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and then she'll let me know when the insemination will be. Continue to Pray for this cycle.

There was one concern that she had dealing with the fact that my odds for triplets is increased this month. She said that my uterus couldn't hold triplets and that if I got pregnant with them, my high risk OB would bring up the reduction issue in order to save 2 of them. The main reason is because my uterus will want to contract when it feels full (like a normal one would with a baby at full term) and the more babies, the sooner that is. She said that with 3 it would probably be around 20 weeks which would mean they would all be born then and that is too early to save them. She said that it may not even happen but it was a possibility. I told her I just didn't know how I could do that. I honestly don't want to be in that situation but in my situation this is the sort of cycle we have been trying to achieve which automatically puts me at those risks. Just Pray for God to bless me with what He would see fit. Pray that if it is His will for a precious baby to come into my life this month, that this situation would be something I wouldn't have to be in. I know He knows what's best.


Love to each of you!

Ps. Thanks for your Prayers for me, my family and my aunt!

U/S tomorrow CD 10 Month 5 after surgery & Genetic Testing

Hi guys,

Tomorrow will be my ultrasound to see how the eggs are growing. The Prayer request is simple, Pray for God's will. I do Pray that His will involves left sided, good eggs with good estradiol... BUT .... if it doesn't, He knows what He's doing. He's in total control and I trust Him. It is definitely scary sometimes, but He's the real deal! So just Pray!

Another Prayer request .... my aunt, who is battling ovarian cancer, had genetic testing to see if there were any genes that put her at a higher risk for developing cancer. The testing came back and the doctor told her that she has a mutated gene the labels her with HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. According to her doctor in Lexington, Ky, she is one of the only cases in this area. The only other case in this area (possibly even in Ky) is in Somerset, Ky which is not very far from me. The doctor said that we are more than likely distantly related to the folks who have it there. As a result, my mother, brother and I have to be tested.

So.... what is HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. Here's a brief synoposis:


(From About.com)

Most people have about a 6% chance of developing colon cancer at some point in their lives; people with Lynch syndrome have about an 80% chance. Lynch syndrome is caused by a mutation in any of five genes, and is also called hereditary nonpolyposis colon cancer (HNPCC).

Preventing Cancer in Women with Lynch Syndrome
Lynch syndrome is a genetic condition that predisposes people to colon cancer and other cancers as well. For example, women with Lynch Syndrome also have about a 50 percent chance of developing uterine cancer and a 10 percent chance of developing ovarian cancer. This study looked at ways to prevent the other cancers from occurring.

HNPCC Settles in America
Scientists combined genetic testing with genealogy to identify a cancer-causing genetic mutation brought to the U.S. by a German immigrant. People with this mutation have about an 80 percent risk of developing colorectal cancer at some point in their lives.


So, to make a long story short we were very upset on Sunday when all this news came about. Those chances are so extremely high and it stresses me more for my family than even for myself. So, please Pray for our tests to come back negative without the gene IF it be God's will. And please Pray for peace through all this as well. I know my aunt is scared but she is totally trusting God which is the best thing anyone could do. I love her dearly and I just Pray that she continues to do well as she finishes up her chemo in the couple of months.

She sent me this email and I wanna share it with all my infertility friends because these truths are so vitally important for us to know. God loves us and He wants to care for us... we just have to let Him.

A different take on the Commandments...

TO: YOU
FROM: GOD

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these modern TEN COMMANDMENTS, also.

1.) QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2.) PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs to be done or taken care of; Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let Me be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And although my to-do-list is long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3.) TRUST ME
Once you've given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back, Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problems with finances? Put them on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4.) LEAVE IT ALONE
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger how, I think I can handle it from here. "Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5.) TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6.) HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7.) SHARE
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten.

8.) BE PATIENT
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, and rush.

9.) BE KIND
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

10.) LOVE YOURSELF
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself It makes my heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!!

With all my heart I love you, God.

Much Blessed Love,

PRAY ... Friday Morning ..... IUI

Guys... just a quick note to humbly ask for your Prayers on Friday morning. Michael and I will probably head out of town tomorrow night to avoid all the stress of getting up and traveling so early on Friday morning so this may be my last chance to get online. Please Pray for God's will to be accomplished. Pray that if it is possible for this to be the month that Baby Brittain-Goodlett is conceived. Thanks in advance to each of you and to my Precious Heavenly Father from which all these blessing flow!!!

Love to each of you,

Alesha

Ps. Pray for a dear friend of mine who is going through kidney failure right now after a major surgery. He needs our Prayers tremendously!

Estradiol Levels on Day 11

Just a really short update to let you know that my estradiol levels yesterday were 286. I asked the doctor if that was ok and she said yes that was around what they should be at the size they are so far. THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER FOR ANSWERED PRAYER! Just Pray they continue to grow and that Friday morning is a success. Love to each of you!

Day 11 update

Today I went back to my RE for another ultrasound. My eggs were growing still and the right side was still not ahead of my good, left side. Other than that nothing really was different. She didn't check my Estradiol levels this time but will when I return on Sunday morning at 7:15 for another ultrasound.

Here's a major Prayer request for you.... my estradiol level of 62 was, in my RE's words, "a little low." I've been trying to read and learn about all that and I am learning a bit but it is kind of scaring me somewhat. Those of you who know me know that I am the most major worrywart in the entire world (and I am trying to overcome this but it is a daily battle... my pastor is helping with a series of messages on "worry"). I'm not sure what all this means and it was so busy in her office this morning I didn't really get to converse with her much about it. I am so mentally exhausted with the thoughts of this level meaning something not so good. I need you Christians to Pray so hard!!! Please... PRAY that those levels INCREASE on Sunday! I feel like God has brought me so far... and I really believe He'll see me through but I have satan here on my shoulder telling me that those levels may mean bad things for this cycle and any future cycles. Pray that God will defy this if it is His will.

All week as I have been on the road, I have listened to a cd by Soldiers Of The Cross entitled "Have You Been To Calvary?" This gospel group consists of the parents of one of my students and one of their married couple friends. Ethan, my student, brought me this wrapped in Valentine's Day paper on Tuesday and I was thrilled to listen to it. It is wonderful! The 2 songs that I have listened to over and over to get me through this week are "He's An On Time God" and "Lord Keep Me In Your Will." These are the two main themes of my heart this week. I realize that I have an uphill climb but that I have a Father who is strong enough to carry me up the mountain. I know He does everything on time and in His will.

This week has been jammed packed with doctor's appointments, work, shots, tons of driving, speaking to my First Priority group, Church, Chiropractor visit, tutoring and reading (which I am trying to rediscover because of my love for it as a young adult and child). It has been so hard mentally and physically to make it until tonight... Friday night. I thank God for seeing me through this week and for blessing me as He has so richly done. Please just Pray for me as I continue to go through this storm... May God receive all the glory for my life and my situation.

Nope....

Red stain showed up about midday and kicked into high gear tonight. I still haven't gotten my meds in the mail yet. Pray that I do get it tomorrow. And Pray for me as I deal with all this mentally and physically (shots every day for 10 days).