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Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Baby Shower and Update 26.5 weeks

So... I know most of my blogger friends live states and states away.... but I still wanted to extend an invite to my Baby Shower this coming Monday at 3:30pm at my school. If any of you are in the neighborhood and want to stop by just let me know and I can give you more details! I am excited and nervous. I know it's crazy but I hate having all the attention focused on me.... can you believe that? haha But I am excited to get all kinds of baby stuff and to get to start working on Zoey's nursery again the coming weeks.

In other news... WE HAVE MOVED! WOW! Let me just say that I am completely exhausted and I had forgotten just how much work it is to move. I have to collect a few more cleaning supplies from my apartment ( we overhauled it on Tuesday evening so that it would be nice when we moved out) and then I will turn in our keys tomorrow or Saturday morning. It is bittersweet to me. I loved my apartment. It was very nice and very big (like 1,400 square feet). We have had a lot of good memories there including coming home from work as a newly pregnant woman who was completely in shock. haha : ) But, we have outgrown our apartment and we definitely are loving our new home and all the extra square footage plus the garage and the huge yard we have. I will be loving the pool this summer as well : ) God has truly blessed us!

I haven't posted in almost a month! I usually try to update at least every 2 weeks so you can tell I've been busy. My doctor's appointment at 24.5 weeks consisted of a cervical length check (3.5cm) and a Fetal fibronectin test. This test detects fetal fibronectin, which is a glue like substance that begins to be discharged when you are within weeks of going into labor. If you get a positive reading, this means you could go into labor in the next 2 weeks. If you get a negative reading, there is a 99% chance that you will not go into labor in the next 2 weeks. The negative test is much more reliable than the positive. My test that week came back negative. That was great news because I wanted baby Zoey to keep growing and I wanted to continue to stay off bed rest so that I could enjoy my baby shower in the coming weeks. I didn't get to see Zoey at that appointment and I was disappointed but I was told I'd see her every time after that. I did have my second glucose screening and it actually came back better than the first. My level was 115 which was well within normal range. I was so glad! My thyroid came back fine as well.

Yesterday was my 26.5 week appointment. I again had the fetal fibronectin test and it came back negative again. Thank the Lord! My cervix measured 3.34 which is a bit shorter than before but I did have a different ultrasound tech (my favorite one is moving back to her hometown :( ) and they weren't concerned as long as it stays about 3 we are in good shape. I did get to see Zoey and I have 2 pictures of her (her spine mainly because she wouldn't roll over for good pictures. She now weighs 2lbs and was sleeping on her belly with one foot all the way up to her butt. So cute! Her heartbeat was 138 yesterday and I think 142 last time.

At 26.5 weeks she is moving around a lot. She as been for about 5 weeks or so now. I love feeling her. I also love just listening to her heartbeat. I even went out to the car during my planning period the other day to listen to her because I hadn't heard her heart in a few days due to all the moving and unpacking. She apparently still doesn't like the doppler and loves to kick it when I start trying to listen. It's quite funny. You can hear the thud on the machine and see my belly move. She's been doing that since the first time I listened to her with it. I thank God for these little moments that she and I share! I also thank God that my mom was able to feel her move today and to actually see my belly move. It just tickled her too death. She is so in love with this little girl already as are we all. Thank You Heavenly Father for this tiny, 2lb blessing growing inside me as we speak!

I have purchased her stroller, car seat, and high chair. I got all 3 at Kmart at a really great price. They are brown and green because I want to be able to reuse them if I am blessed with another child down the road. I didn't really want to put a possible, future baby boy in a pink stroller haha The print is called African Safari and I really like the brown and green together. Her room is BRIGHT PINK. My dear friend Tina is suppose to come paint a Care Bear mural on the wall if we can ever get my hubby's stuff out of there and we still have to hang the Care Bear border as well as get the furniture from my SIL. Still a lot to do.

I feel ok. I am staying really, really sore down low like where my torso meets my legs...I guess the groin area. I am also feeling more pressure down low. My feet and legs are swelling some at the end of the day but nothing that is too major. I am still grouchy a lot haha I also have hormonal episodes and speak my mind a lot more than I use to (sorta like I did when I was young). But I'm not too awful haha. The heartburn is getting worse... that's the one symptom that's followed me pretty much through the whole thing.

I guess I will head out. It's after midnight and I'm still going. I actually had a nap today. I never take naps anymore.... just never have time. All I do is work, unpack, sleep and repeat haha. God bless each of you and know that I am still Praying for you! Remember if you are near here Monday let me know!

Ps. I will add the new ultrasound pictures as soon as we hook our printer/scanner up...it may be a few weeks!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Prayer for Jeremy Camp & Family



Please Pray for Jeremy Camp and his wife. They lost their baby on Friday. They went in for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I know many of you have faced this and I can't even imagine. I hope I never know that pain. But I know that they are broken hearted today and so I ask that you remember them in your Prayers! Here's the blog entry from Jeremy's blog: Click Here!!!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

16 week 3 day Dr. Apt

I went back to the doctor yesterday to be reevaluated with the placenta previa. The good news is that the baby was ok. They still think it's a girl and told me that we would confirm it at 20 weeks for sure. The placenta had moved, how much I am not sure, but they said that the ultrasound report called it low lying now so that's a good thing I think. Of course I'll be researching that in the next few days ... those of you who know me know that I research quite a bit.

They were a bit concerned about the membrane sack not attaching to the uterine wall. The doctor said that when I pass the blood clot it should attach back. So I really need to pass this clot... and I have been passing small pieces for 2 weeks. Since Tuesday, I have been passing larger pieces and actually this morning I passed the biggest piece so far. I've never passed large clots before and it is such a strange feeling. I also had passed the biggest piece that I had passed up until that appointment yesterday at 5:30am before I got ready to go. So I am Praying that whatever is left just keeps passing and that the membranes will reattatch. I also had the Quad Screening that they do automatically on all patients to check for placenta functioning, Downs Syndrome, and Spina Bifida. Also, my TSH (Thyroid) was checked again and as of this morning it came back well.

They did decide to keep me on modified bed rest for another 2 weeks so I will not be returning to work this week for the first day of school. That's really weird to me because I've never been in that situation. But I think my boss and I have it covered. She's been so good to me throughout the infertility and pregnancy and I praise God for her. I am not overly worried about work because I feel like it will all be ok and that it will be taken care of. Of course I worry some but this baby is my number one priority and I am just concerned about making sure that it gets here safe and healthy and hopefully later rather than sooner.

By the way... here are the latest ultrasound pictures. They are harder for me to figure out than those last two but the first shows the baby laying face up... it's profile and the second shows it laying on it's belly face down with its butt in the air. Precious!






So.. let me beg once again for my precious Prayer warrior friends to Pray for these things. Pray that the clot is passed, the membranes fuse back, and that the Quad screening comes back well. Pray that the baby will be safe and snug in my womb and will stay in there for as long as is possible so that it will be healthy. Just Pray, Pray, Pray for God's will.

By the way, I have had a lot of you guys on my mind. I am still Praying for each of my friends who are still awaiting a child. I haven't forgotten you nor will I forget you. And just as I told my best friend from college yesterday, I truly do feel that God will make a way. I haven't a clue how or when or what it will take but He will make a way for each of you. I love you and am Praying daily for you. Please know that if you don't hear from me, I am still thinking and Praying for your situation!

Much Love,

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Baby Eliot ... See my Shine 4 Jesus blog

A lot of you follow this blog but may not be aware of my primary blog, Shine 4 Jesus. I have neglected it quite a bit lately but I am trying to do better. Let me invite you to become a regular reader! Please click on the title to read/watch my latest post. It is a beautiful picture of God's love and His fingerprints are all through this video presentation! Enjoy!

Click here!

Ps. Baby Eliot's momma is getting ready to have a brother or sister for him. Please Pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

National Infertility Awareness Week Is This Week! ... Thanks Dena

In the woes of all my personal drama... I didn't realize that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Take just a moment to Pray for all of us who are going through infertility. If you are not an infertile.... take a few minutes to do speak something kind to those who are. I know from experience that we truly appreciate kind words : ) God bless!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Praise God For Answered Prayers!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

22And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.



Quick, Wonderful, Awesome Praise report and Prayer requests for you.

Yesterday, my mom went for a second mamogram to check a small lump that was found and it came back noncancerous. She also recieved the results from the genetic testing. Praise the Lord, she didn't have it which means my brother and I can't have it. Such a blessing.

I went for my Day 10 ultrasound and had 7 eggs... 5 on the left (good side) 2 on the right (not connected side but in a rare way could happen). My estradiol levels were in the 600's (642 I think)! Praise be to God for this good news.

Prayer Request:
1. Continue to Pray for my aunt who is almost finished with her chemo and is back at work as a principal.

2. Pray my eggs continue to grow on the left side. There's always a chance that they could stop growing, (like 2 of them did last month). Just Pray that if it is God's will, they will continue to grow.

3. Pray for God's will in this cycle. Pray that if it is any way possible in His will that this would be the month. I know He can and I believe in my heart that He will! I am at my wits end with this whole process but He is carrying me through it. He is soo good.

4. Last but not least, Pray that my mom's next 2 appointments (rheumatologist and doctor for her bulging disk along with her upcoming cardiologist apt. in July) go well and that she can get some relief. If it seems like my mom has been through a lot... she has. But she is the strongest woman I know and she truly is my very best friend here on earth! I Praise God for her and my dad for that matter. She is worthy of our Prayers!

Much love to each of you!
Many Prayers for your situations!
God loves you and so do I!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dunno

Hi guys. Just a quick Prayer Request:

1. Pray for my mom as she goes tomorrow to be tested for the cancer gene HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. Pray that God would bless her to not have that gene. Also, Pray for good results from her mammogram tomorrow.

2. Pray for my friend Kim as she has her baby boy tomorrow.

3. Pray for me. I took a pregnancy test this evening just so I could be prepared for tomorrow since I'll find out while I am at mom's appointments with her. It was negative. I was upset to say the least. Just Pray that no matter if that test was right or wrong, that I'll be at peace with tomorrow's results and that God will lead me with decisions to come.

I still Praise Him even though I am so broken. And I apologize to Him for all those times that I haven't Praised Him enough. I love you Father even when I'm a whiny kid throwing a temper tantrum.


Much Love In Jesus,


Monday, March 30, 2009

Progesterone Month 5 Post Op

Just a quick note to tell you my progesterone results.... 22. My doctor said that was good, though I have to admit I really thought that it would be higher since I'm taking these shots. But oh well. I'm just thankful to God that it was higher than it was last month. Thank you Father!

I feel crampy and my knees ache ( just like they always do before my visitor). I just Pray that it is this month. I figure that I may be late starting if it isn't because of the progesterone supplements. I've heard they can delay your period. Any of you guys have that happen?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

1 Peter 5:6-7 .... and I Would Die For That

1 Peter 5:6-7

King James Version
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.


Father, I Pray that this will be my "due time."






Saturday, March 14, 2009

News From Yesterday's Ultrasound

I went back for my final ultrasound yesterday. Two of my eggs had stopped growing so I am left with 2. I, of course, have worried about that. However, I do realize that maybe it was an answer to my Prayer to God that I wouldn't have to be put in a decision to decide about extra babies that my little uterus didn't have room for.

My doctor called me at about 5:30 yesterday evening after I had just gotten finished crying out some of my frustration and was reading my Bible. She told me that my estradiol level was 469 which was right where she wanted it. I asked her if she still thought I had a good shot at it this cycle and she said yes. She went on to say that we were going to be extremely aggressive next cycle if this one didn't work because she really wants me pregnant by the end of the next cycle. This has been my biggest fear the entire time, not getting pregnant in this 6 month window after surgery because this is the best time for it to work. The aggressive cycle she was telling me about will include triple the meds I have been on which is triple the money that I've been paying. She also said that we'd really be flirting with multiples with the increase in meds. Talk about sick. I felt like I was going to throw up after calculating that up.

I completely let go after hanging up and I just cried and grieved my heart out. Here I had just gotten good news about my estradiol levels and I was already worrying about money for the next cycle because I have to order all that this week. I cried and cried and my mother (my best earthly friend in the world) was at a loss. She, of course, started tearing up and told me that it was so hard to watch me daily hang on by a thread. That pretty much sums up how I feel. Just hanging by a tiny thread that is ready to break at any given moment.

Guys, I'm sick of worrying about getting pregnant, yet I can't let go of it. I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't even remember what it was I use to think about before infertility. I can't remember who I was, because I have definitely lost most of that person in these last 2 years. I tired of being on pins and needles every day. I'm physically exhausted with all the running and trying to do all my normal things as well. I'm tired of having to answer questions all the time out in public and having to act ok when sometimes I'm really not. God please help me! I feel like I am trapped in a hole and I can't see my way clear.

I know things could be worse. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful family who are all still alive and ok. I'm thankful for my Salvation and for all my many blessings. I just don't know how else to deal with my dream of becoming a mother slipping further away. I trust God and I know He has a plan. I just definitely need your Prayers to help me continue on. I gave this cycle to God on the day it started and I have been trying to not think so much about it. I was doing really good with that until yesterday.

I haven't the slightest idea how I will come up with these massive amounts of money each month and the consequences of an extremely aggressive cycle, ie. multiple babies. I'm trying to just not think and lean on God. Please Pray that I can do just that.

In the midst of all my personal turmoil, I still want to thank my precious Savior for His love and His patience with me. HE alone knows what my frame can take and I trust Him no matter how hard this is. I love you Father.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

God's Will ... CD 10 Month 5 after surgery

Hi guys:

Well... we all Prayed for God's will (which we always do) and His will for me today was to have 3-4 really good eggs on my good side. Praise His name! He is much better to me than I deserve. The doctor said that this month looks really promising. She said my eggs seemed to be moving much faster than last month and my estradiol levels came back at 282 at CD 10. Last month on CD 9 my levels were 82. This is a big improvement. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and then she'll let me know when the insemination will be. Continue to Pray for this cycle.

There was one concern that she had dealing with the fact that my odds for triplets is increased this month. She said that my uterus couldn't hold triplets and that if I got pregnant with them, my high risk OB would bring up the reduction issue in order to save 2 of them. The main reason is because my uterus will want to contract when it feels full (like a normal one would with a baby at full term) and the more babies, the sooner that is. She said that with 3 it would probably be around 20 weeks which would mean they would all be born then and that is too early to save them. She said that it may not even happen but it was a possibility. I told her I just didn't know how I could do that. I honestly don't want to be in that situation but in my situation this is the sort of cycle we have been trying to achieve which automatically puts me at those risks. Just Pray for God to bless me with what He would see fit. Pray that if it is His will for a precious baby to come into my life this month, that this situation would be something I wouldn't have to be in. I know He knows what's best.


Love to each of you!

Ps. Thanks for your Prayers for me, my family and my aunt!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Dearest Sisters..... I have once again started my period. It was last night at around 10pm. I had found out yesterday afternoon that my progesterone was only 7 on peak day. I was shocked because it has never been so low. (It is suppose to be at least a 15 on meds.) So my doctor put me on progesterone suppositories (prometrium) and I was actually getting ready to use the second one last night when I realized that I had started my period. I couldn't believe it because I really thought this was the month. Yet, it is another valley that I find myself in again today. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up with a baby of my own. If only it were that simple. But as the title says (I borrowed it from the song with the same title .... you can see the lyrics at the bottom of this post), I must go through this valley to stand upon the mountain of God. I know that this is just something I have to go through.

I feel in my heart that God will bless me with the opportunity to be a mom and I truly believe He will bless me with the opportunity to experience pregnancy. Do any of you feel that way? If so, please let me know because it's really good to hear that God is speaking to other hearts about the whole situation.

Still... I say without a shadow of a doubt that My God, My Savior, My Hero is still just so wonderful and good! He loves me and for some reason He is waiting for a certain time. I don't understand and to be truthful, it scares me too death to try, but He has a perfect reason and a perfect time.

Just continue to Pray for my husband and I along with our families. Please Pray for God to speak to my heart and help me know the right decisions to make and honestly, for my sanity and the peace of God to cover me. I need His strength, peace, and grace to make it through all this again this cycle. Pray for good eggs, lots of them on the left side again this month! Please Pray that God will send us a child of our own soon if possible in His will. I don't ask that it be soon because I'm being impatient (I've learned a lot about that in the last 2 years), but because I am physically and mentally worn out with this. This isn't something I can just do and not think about. It consumes me. Please just Pray beloved friends!

TONIGHT, FATHER I GIVE YOU TOTAL CONTROL OF THIS CYCLE AND THE FEARS AND ANXIETIES THAT I HAVE HAD FOR SO LONG. GO BEFORE ME AND CARRY ME THROUGH THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.


Mountain of God
by Third Day


I thought that I was all alone,
broken and afraid,
but you were there with me,
you were there with me.
And I didn't even know
I had lost my way,
but you were there with me,
yes, you were there with me.
Tell you opened up my eyes I never knew,
that I couldn't ever make it without you.

Chorus:
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard.
Well the one who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley
to stand upon the Mountain of God.

As I travel on the road,
you have led me down,
you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
And I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
that you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
Mountain Of God lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/17600-Mountain-Of-God~Third-Day.html

I confess from time to time I lose my way,
but you were always there to bring me back again.

~chorus~

Bridge:
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from,
And the things I've left behind.
Well, of all I've had,
what I possess,
they can't quite compare,
with what's in front of me,
with what's in front of me.

Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
well, the one who's gone before me,
he will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
well, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
yes, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain of God.





Much love,

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Waiting Game

So I am not in the 2 ww. The IUI went well yesterday, despite my RE having to adjust my cervix because it tends to go towards the left. Wonder why? haha Michael's count was 80 million so that was good. Now I just sit back, relax (try!), and wait.

There have been two different things that I have came across this week on the issue of abortion. The first is the story of the famous football start Tim Tebow. I am a fan of Tebow and I just loved his mother's story when my sweet cousin Monica sent it to me.

Tim's mom, Pam, knows about the pain of considering abortion.

More than 21 years ago, she and her husband, Bob, were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in a contaminated food or drink. She entered into a coma and was treated with strong antibiotics before they discovered she was pregnant. Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted.

The doctors "didn't think of it as a life, they thought of it as a mass of fetal tissue," Pam said. While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband, "If you will give us a son, we'll name him 'Timothy,' and we'll make him a preacher."

Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and, eventually, gave birth to a health baby boy August 14, 1987.

Pam's youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father's ministry in the Philippines.

He also plays football. Pam's son is Tim Tebow.

Tim, the University of Florida's star quarterback, became the first sophomore in history to win college football's highest award, the Heisman Trophy. Tim's notoriety and the family's inspiring story have given Pam numerous opportunities to speak on behalf of women's centers across the country.

She was the keynote speaker at the Oct. 23, 2008, benefit banquet for two Louisville ministries. A Woman's Choice Resource Center offers such services as free pregnancy tests, post-abortion counseling, adoption information, and material support. Necole's Place is a companion ministry that provides support services for women in need.

Several Louisville-area Kentucky Baptist churches and Long Run Baptist Association help support both ministries.

A Woman's Choice board chairman, John Schmitt, reported at the banquet that in the 20 years since the resource center opened, 4,500 children have been saved from abortion -- 400 in this year alone.

Speaking of the thousands of lives saved, Pam Tebow said, "That just blows my mind. Every little baby you save matters."

That is just one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard!!!

The second thing that I came across was the video clip of this 7th grade girl speaking on abortion. Wow! She does an excellent job speaking and getting her point across. So awesome!



12-year-old steals day with pro-life speech
Teachers threaten disqualification, but girl chooses to speak against abortion
Posted: February 16, 2009
8:36 pm Eastern

By Chelsea Schilling
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

Despite facing threats of disqualification, a 12-year-old girl took first place in a speech contest when she eloquently argued for the rights of unborn children – after an offended judge quit.

"What if I told you that right now, someone was choosing if you were going to live or die?" the seventh-grader begins in a video recording of her speech on YouTube. "What if I told you that this choice wasn't based on what you could or couldn't do, what you'd done in the past or what you would do in the future? And what if I told you, you could do nothing about it?"

The girl, a student at a Toronto school identified only as "Lia," continued:

"Fellow students and teachers, thousands of children are right now in that very situation."

Pass these stories on please!

Ps. Continue to Pray that this would be the month for Michael and I to be made aware of the presence of our precious child. Thanks be unto God ... for He is a Prayer answering Father! I thank Him even now for this precious child(ren).



P.s. My live signature is finally back after being on hiatus for awhile *LOL*

Monday, February 16, 2009

Estradiol Levels on Day 11

Just a really short update to let you know that my estradiol levels yesterday were 286. I asked the doctor if that was ok and she said yes that was around what they should be at the size they are so far. THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER FOR ANSWERED PRAYER! Just Pray they continue to grow and that Friday morning is a success. Love to each of you!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 11 update

Today I went back to my RE for another ultrasound. My eggs were growing still and the right side was still not ahead of my good, left side. Other than that nothing really was different. She didn't check my Estradiol levels this time but will when I return on Sunday morning at 7:15 for another ultrasound.

Here's a major Prayer request for you.... my estradiol level of 62 was, in my RE's words, "a little low." I've been trying to read and learn about all that and I am learning a bit but it is kind of scaring me somewhat. Those of you who know me know that I am the most major worrywart in the entire world (and I am trying to overcome this but it is a daily battle... my pastor is helping with a series of messages on "worry"). I'm not sure what all this means and it was so busy in her office this morning I didn't really get to converse with her much about it. I am so mentally exhausted with the thoughts of this level meaning something not so good. I need you Christians to Pray so hard!!! Please... PRAY that those levels INCREASE on Sunday! I feel like God has brought me so far... and I really believe He'll see me through but I have satan here on my shoulder telling me that those levels may mean bad things for this cycle and any future cycles. Pray that God will defy this if it is His will.

All week as I have been on the road, I have listened to a cd by Soldiers Of The Cross entitled "Have You Been To Calvary?" This gospel group consists of the parents of one of my students and one of their married couple friends. Ethan, my student, brought me this wrapped in Valentine's Day paper on Tuesday and I was thrilled to listen to it. It is wonderful! The 2 songs that I have listened to over and over to get me through this week are "He's An On Time God" and "Lord Keep Me In Your Will." These are the two main themes of my heart this week. I realize that I have an uphill climb but that I have a Father who is strong enough to carry me up the mountain. I know He does everything on time and in His will.

This week has been jammed packed with doctor's appointments, work, shots, tons of driving, speaking to my First Priority group, Church, Chiropractor visit, tutoring and reading (which I am trying to rediscover because of my love for it as a young adult and child). It has been so hard mentally and physically to make it until tonight... Friday night. I thank God for seeing me through this week and for blessing me as He has so richly done. Please just Pray for me as I continue to go through this storm... May God receive all the glory for my life and my situation.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Promise ... Thanks Dad!

My dad is such a good man. Actually, my parents are 2 of the greatest people that I will ever know. They have always taught me to do God's work and to serve Him... and for that I'll always be grateful. They see how badly I am hurting inside and they do everything they can to try to make me smile. My mom mentioned that my dad was Praying early one morning and that God brought the promise that He had given Rachel to his mind. That promise is found in Genesis 30:22:

"And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb."

My dad told my mom that he has been Praying that promise for me.

"And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb."

That is so beautiful to me. My dad truly means this Prayer and I really believe that God will honor it. How beautiful it looks to see "And God remembered Alesha..." because so many times satan whispers in my ear, that God has forgotten all about me and my situation. I know that isn't true but satan is definitely good at his job. He's good at making you feel as though the world is lost and everything is hopeless. But he isn't the victor and that's the awesome news.

I praise God for His remembrance of me and my Prayers. I praise God for what He is doing right now behind the scenes to teach me and to mold me. I ask Him to help me do a better job of walking through this valley without "murmurings and disputings" (Philippians 2:12).

Here's a couple of songs that are really helping me think about my Savior and my situation.

NOTICE THE PICTURE OF MARY SITTING AT JESUS' FEET. I YEARN TO DO THIS EVEN MORE!















OH HOW I LOVE THIS SONG..... JESUS BRING THE RAIN IF IT MEANS I CAN GROW IN MY PRAISE TOWARDS YOU!




Please Continue To Keep Me and Others Who Are Struggling With Infertility In Your Prayers!

Ps. My Aunt has went through her first chemo treatment and will undergo the next one on Tuesday. Hopefully, I will get to take her to it. They got her actual test results back and reclassified it as Stage 1 B. So that's better than Stage 2. My mother-in-law did wonderfully in her surgery today and the doctor was pretty confident that it wasn't a cancerous polyp. Praise God! How wonderful my Savior, and I Pray YOUR Savior, is!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

How are you feeling?

I keep getting that question a lot. Do people really want me to answer that? haha I mean one minute I'm up the next I'm down. And I'm not such a good friend right now to some of my non IF preggo friends. If you are one of them and you are reading this... I apologize. I am very happy for all of you but I just can't call, text, email, message, etc. and talk about it. Its just too hard for me right now. Hopefully I'll be pregnant soon and we can have those discussions but at the moment I just can't.

God is a good God. That has been my statement of faith throughout this entire journey. I truly believe it! No matter how my emotions go, He still has my entire heart because I gave it to Him a long time ago. I trust Him. Does that mean that I don't go through the same issues as others? Nope. I still get upset, angry, depressed, miffed, etc about things but I feel in my heart that God knows and God has a plan.

I often worry that I am not walking this road good enough. I worry that though I am trying, I am not giving God all the glory He deserves through my infertility and life in general. I apologize Father that I can never, ever do enough to bring You glory. But I am trying and through His strength I can continue to persevere.

It is really easy to become negative when you have had 2o months of negative test results. It's easy to get down when you are told that you have a uterine deformity and that you will be high risk when you finally do get pregnant. And boy oh boy is it hard to hear that though you have had high hopes and spent lots of cash on meds, you don't have any eggs on your good side. I admit... it is depressing. Top all that off on Christmas Eve with my aunt's diagnosis of ovarian cancer and wow....

And I feel kind of at a loss because there is only one other IF friend that I regularly communicate with via this blog who has a UU. I would love to learn more and to hear more stories but they just aren't out there. I have joined the Yahoo UU Sisterhood group, but I still haven't made any personal connections.

God is dealing with my heart. It is a definite struggle because I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I'm upset with myself this morning about a couple of things I could have done differently. The holidays have thrown me off with my Bible studying and my regular Prayer time. I have still been doing it but not in a routine and the way that I like it. Please Pray for me in that area.

Also, I went shopping with my mother-in-law last Saturday at a Family Christan Store in Louisville. She wouldn't have it any other way but for me to pick out some stuff to buy as a continuation of my Christmas gift from her and my father-in-law. I was looking around and I came across a book. My first instinct was to put it back because I just never ever have the time to read and the only book I read daily is my Bible. But I flipped through it and noticed that it mentioned Elizabeth being barren and that the whole point of the book was God leading you through trials. So I felt like God was leading me to it. I am currently reading it (slowly) and I will let you know what I glean from Elizabeth George's words of wisdom from God.

Lastly, I want to thank God for 2008. It has been difficult yet there have been wonderful times. He has blessed my family with health and that's truly all I could ever ask for. He has given my mom a good report yesterday at her appointment with the cardiologist. He has blessed my dad with rest and health. He has blessed my brother with a 2008 championship and the chance to honor Him on the field at state. He has blessed my hubby with a wonderful job. He has watched over my in-laws and kept them safe throughout the many issues that have come about. He has blessed me with the process of finding out what is causing my IF. He's blessed my doctor with the wisdom to help me deal with it anyway. He has provided money for IF treatment. He has CONTINUED to be a GOOD GOD and He always will! The list goes on and on. I Praise Him for that.

Father,

I thank You this morning, the last of 2008, for all the many blessings that You have given to me and to those that I hold dear. I appreciate You for everything You are and continue to be. You truly are a good father who has my best interest at heart. I will continue to trust You throughout my journey with infertility and life in general. I will continually give to You the worries that plague my heart and the burdens that weigh me down. I will trust You Father and know that You are working even now for the Godly desires of my heart. I Pray Father, continue to create that precious child that's meant just for Mike and I. Let it already begin to fill my heart with it's presence and let it's love begin to grow in my heart. Be with my infertility journey, my friends who walk this path with me and those that don't. Be with my precious parents, my precious brother, precious husband and in-laws. Be with my blessed friends and church and pastor. Father, let 2009 bring a true abundance of love, peace, joy, and perhaps a precious little baby in our lives. I love You Father, even when I'm not so good at showing it. Help me to do better at that.

In Jesus' Holy Name I Pray,

Amen.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

No eggs

This is a quick post to ask each of you to Pray for me.. struggling a lot here. I went to the doctor yesterday (Christmas Eve) and I had no eggs on my good side. I did have 2 on the right side. She said that you can get pregnant from the opposite side but that it is highly unlikely. God still performs miracles though! Please Pray for a Christmas miracle.

I'm really shocked that with the mixed cycle of pills and shots I only produced 2 eggs. That's less than I produce on the pills by themselves! I just don't understand it. Next cycle will be all shots.

Also, when I got home yesterday (a 3hr drive round trip) I was informed that my aunt was heading into emergency surgery. We then left to go there (another 3 hr drive round trip)They found a huge tumor on her ovary and it is cancer. The doctor seems really positive but she is going to have a lot to go through. Please Pray for her. It was an extremely long day yesterday.

Ps. Does anyone know of anyone who has gotten pregnant from the opposite side with the opposite tube?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS SAVIOR! THANK YOU FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND!!!
LUKE 1:37

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Still Waiting....

My period has made no appearance yet. I Prayed for God to please let this next cycle fall after Christmas. It is so difficult to be at family events and have to worry about taking shots and having to try to conceive. I think this may be the answer to my Prayer. Thank You Father! Thank You for blessing me this year with a peaceful Christmas. After waiting since Thursday to see red, I decided to take another test. I know, I know. My blood test was negative. I get that. But, you just never know, so I took it. And it, too, was a BFN.

I have to say guys, I'm definitely in a "funk." I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have had a great weekend with my little brother's (a senior) football team winning the State Championship. This was the first time in 17 years! And they were undefeated the entire year. They have lost 1 game in 2 years and that was last year. And I am excited.... but still kinda down.

After our win, I was greeted by old friends. It was really fun until 2 different people pretty much made me feel really stupid with some pretty stupid comments. The comments dealt with infertility.... imagine that? And it happened all because satan decided that he wanted to tear me down for giving God the glory throughout this entire football season and the entire championship game.

Will I be ok? Yea... I told Jesus that I can hold on...but I need His strength. I just honestly don't know how much longer I can mentally hang on. But... as I have said all along... God is good. God is soo good and He will stand up at the right hand of the Father for me soon. I know He will. I ask even now... Lord... stand up for me. Help me defeat this monster called infertility. Bless me Lord with a precious little miracle and most importantly help me to have "Peace that passes all understanding."

Please guys... Pray that this cycle will be "the cycle." My Savior knows my heavy and overwhelmed heart. He knows that I'm growing more and more weary by the day. Pray that this cycle, if it be His will, will just fall into place. Pray that the meds will be the right meds and that the days will fall right. Pray for the insemination that will take place. Please, please Pray for my heavy heart.

Love To You All!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

First Cycle Since Surgery Update

I went to the doctor yesterday, on the busiest day in the world for me. She told me that I had 2 eggs on my left and 1 on my right. The egg on my right was a tiny bit larger than the eggs on the left so she gave me an HSG shot and then sent me home with another one to take today so that my left can catch up. I'm not really sure how all that works.... anyone know? Would I just ovulate all 3 eggs? Anyway, I take my HCG trigger shot tomorrow evening. I have actually been hurting on my right side so please be Praying that I do ovulate all those eggs, especially those on the left (my side that's connected). Also, please Pray that God will make a way this month, if it be His will, for me to get pregnant. I am so ready to read chapter 2 in my What To Expect When You're Expecting book! And I really do not want to have to rearrange Christmas this year. It is such a headache for us during the holidays anyway and then throwing infertility issues into the mix just makes it insane! Please just Pray for me. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I thank God for each of you!

Love,

Alesha

Ps. Think of me in the morning.... I'm hitting the Black Friday sales at 5am!!! Am I goofy or what? As if I don't have enough to do!