30.5 week appointment ... (Currently 32 weeks/8 months)

I'm so behind. I haven't even scanned the last 3 ultrasound pics and actually 2 of them I have put somewhere for safe keeping and can't figure out where I put them! OOOH WELLLL.... I'll get it all figured out!

I did go to the doctor for my 30.5 week appointment. Everything looked great! Zoey weighed 3lbs and 8 ozs. She's growing like a weed! My fFN test came back negative again which was great! 2 more weeks of no labor. Enjoyed talking with my ARNP there about all the soon to come stuff.

A few days after my appointment (Saturday to be exact) I started spotting just a small amount. Zoey was kicking so I knew she was ok but I still felt like I should call. The spotting was NOTHING major at all... just 2 little dots but still... better safe than sorry. So I called my doctor while I was right outside to the doors to relax and watch The Christmas Carol. He felt like I should come on in to be sure my cervix wasn't opening. And so we took off to Knoxville and I missed the movie : ( haha

We got there around 3:30pm and went straight to labor and delivery triage. I was hooked up to monitors and checked. Zoey was doing great and it was so great to hear her heart beating so loudly on the high tech doppler. After being checked, the resident said that I had a BV infection and possibly trying to get a kidney stone. I had quite a bit of blood cells in my urine that led them to think that... I think that's how she explained it. I was put on Flagyl and sent home.

The infection really clicked when I realized I had it because I had really felt bad at work the two days before. It honestly hurt to walk and there was extra pressure. I almost wondered if I was trying to go into labor despite what the test said. Apparently the BV infection was causing my extra pressure and pain.

I stayed home from church the next day and felt really rough. That evening I went to get into the shower and passed a glob of mucus. Sorry I know that's TMI but if you are reading you are probably TTC or a mom already and understand. I freaked out and called my friend Deanna. I thought it was my mucus plug (it very well could have been). Deanna said that it sounded like her story with hers. I tried to page my doctor but he couldn't be reached (I can always reach one of them usually) so they gave me to a resident. She told me to just monitor for contractions or water leakage. I still was worried so after I showered (and had Mike shave my legs because I couldn't reach them lol), I packed a couple of things for me and packed stuff for Zoey... just in case.

I called my doctor's office and left a message for my trusted ARNP that works with me and my 2 doctors. Before she could call back, I had passed another good sized glob. She told me to continue to monitor and that if I felt anything to head that way and they would hook me up to the monitors. Thankfully... I have been ok since then. Praise the Lord!

Zoey is moving still and I can feel her little butt up near my ribs at times. Sunday, I would rub on her and she'd respond by kicking back. We did this for like 10 minutes. So sweet! She also decides she wants in on the action when my family and I are talking... she starts moving around. I can't wait to meet her.

I am technically 8 months pregnant now! WOW! Hard to believe we are almost there! I am in love with this precious little one and growing more in love with her daily!

As far as feeling ok... I feel ok. lol I have a lot of lower pressure and it hurts to walk by the end of a work day. I have once again gotten another cold... so I am back on antibiotics (this time amoxicillin instead of Zpak) and Mucinex. I am still exhausted but doing a bit better with that. I had to work late 2 times last week... one of which was working 2 ball games after work. That took it's toll and left me with swollen feet and exhausted the next day. I'm still running to the bathroom all night (I never, ever did this before pregnancy) and if I am too sleepy to get up.. I am in pain by the time I actually do! But all in all, I'm doing great and I Praise God that He has blessed us to make it this far!

Tomorrow I head back to the doctor for my 32.5 week appointment. I'll keep you posted as to what we find out! Continue to Pray for us as we Pray for you!

Much love in Jesus!

Last RE appointment and 1st High Risk OB appointment

The past few days have been crazy to put it mildly. My mind has totally ran away with me thinking that these horrible pains that I am feeling on the side opposite of my uterus was an ectopic pregnancy. I was sick all day Sunday with these crazy pains and then Tuesday night I woke up three different times from them. It was scary. Don't get me wrong, I can handle pain... but the thought of something happening to my baby drove me insane. In the mental stress of it all... I never stopped to think that my tube doesn't connect on the right. I knew that... it's just funny how the devil lets you forget those details when you need to remember them.

Anyway... I was extremely nervous today as I went for my 10:30am appointment with my RE for my first ultrasound. My RE told me that we were looking for a black circle and then a flicker, which was the heartbeat. I held my breath and then there it was. It was so cute... well to me it was haha. I had a hard time seeing the heartbeat but my hubby saw it fine. The doctor said that it had taken a little longer for the baby to move along to implant so the age was moved back to 6 weeks and 1 day. She said the heartbeat was 100bpm. She also told us that everything looked perfect for the age of the baby. I also got my baby's first picture!



I really enjoyed seeing my doctor and the staff. It was the first time I had seen them since my insemination. She went through the little due date wheel and said I would be due in January. She said around the 13th, but we'll stick with the 10th (my brother's 19th birthday) to make Billy happy. She continued to go through every month on the wheel to tell me the things I'd feel and what I could expect. She told me that the baby would more than likely be here by Christmas and at the earliest Thanksgiving.

We laughed and talked about my preggo belly and how it would look a little lopsided at times and then I got teary eyed and hugged my very special RE bye... for now. I told her that I'd be back for baby number 2 unless God had different plans.

Michael and I left and headed to Makino's Japenese Buffet. It was so good. I love the soup more than anything. I was soo hungry because I have been trying to not eat late because of the stomach issues. After a very delicious lunch, we headed to my new doctor's office at UT.

Of course it was the normal paperwork and all when I got there. Then I got a little sleepy while waiting to be called. I finally got called to do a urine sample and to be checked in (boy that urine sample was an adventure because of all the stomach issues ha!). Then Michael came back with me for another ultrasound. This time the tech (I missed my RE doing the ultrasound!) said the baby was only 5 weeks and 6 days (2 days different than my RE) and the heartbeat was 116. She said that they like to see a heartbeat of 120 but that since the baby was a young as it was that was normal. She printed me a second picture. It was a little more clear.



One of the doctor's came in and we talked. The nurse practitioner then came in and they conferred with each other. I asked some questions about vacation, stomach issues, that major pain in my side (they think it could be my right ovary still sending hormones, still swollen, maybe stretched, etc. ... my RE thought this could be it, too), eczema medication, etc. Then I had to do another urine sample and scheduled an appointment for 3 weeks later before heading home.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt when seeing that heartbeat. Am I out of the woods? Nope. But my RE did say (and I've read this) that after seeing the heartbeat, your miscarriage rate drops to about 5%. Not to say it can't happen but that its a better chance that it won't. I just Pray that it doesn't.

God is so good to me. He has heard my cries for 2 years and He has sent me this child. He has heard my cries for the past month and has blessed this ultrasound appointment. I praise Him for that! I Praise Him for this whole journey because it was all for a reason. This journey has made me who I am... I am the same yet there's a part of me that will never be the same. I Pray that I can continue to be used with through this situation.

There is plenty more I want to say and I will in the next little bit. Things are just really crazy right now because it's the end of the school year, my bro's graduation is coming up, vacation, dr. appointments, etc. I will be back!

Just keep Praying for me and the health of my baby. Pray for this crazy pain in my right, empty side. And Pray for my family. Also, please know that I am Praying for each of you as well!

Much love,




PS. Symptoms I am having: hmmm... exhausted, bathroom issues (*sigh* it's always one extreme or the other for me haha), heartburn (but that has calmed down a lot)

5 Left Sided Eggs..... Wowing Estradiol Levels... It's all up to the Tube ... nah... Actually it's up to God!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

²²And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

Well.......

I still have all 5 eggs growing! That was great news. The even better news came at about 4pm this evening when my RE called to tell me that my estradiol levels were around 2,011 ( i think that was the exact number). WOW! Just so in shock at how well this cycle has gone. But why? My Heavenly Father has guided me through each day of it and I truly believe that my precious baby is just waiting to be formed this weekend!

My RE said that this was my absolute best chance so far. She said that it was all up to my lil left tube! I know that it's really up to my BIG, STRONG HEAVENLY FATHER! She said that my tube needs to reach out and grab these eggs and that that's why our goal is to have so many eggs. She said that sometimes with an abnormal uterus, your tube doesn't move around and grab the eggs as easily. So I Pray right now that God would let this tube be very mobile this time and that it would pick up the perfect eggs and the right amount of eggs.

Lastly, we are flirting with multiple babies again. PLEASE... Pray that God will give me what I can handle physically (with my unicornuate uterus condition). I hate the thought of being put in the situation of having to make hard decisions.


I am still claiming my faith statement. God will do this... I believe that with all my heart. He works in His time and Lord knows that I know that! I Pray that His will will be done and I honestly believe that the creation of this baby is a part of that will.

Prayer Requests:

1. Pray that my tube does it's job!
2. Pray that everything is perfectly compatible with my hubby's sample and my eggs!
3. Pray that my uterus will be ripe and ready (oh yea... she said that it looked better than it ever had to hold a baby!)
4. Pray for a safe trip to Knoxville for us and some money breaks (cheaper hotel rates haha ) along the way.
5. PLEASE... ASK YOUR CHURCHES TO PRAY FOR ME SUNDAY MORNING ... I WILL BE HAVING THIS DONE ON SUNDAY MORNING AROUND 8:30. ASK EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW TO PRAY! AND PRAY ACCORDING TO GOD'S WILL!

Much love!

P.S. My aunt Sandy and my mom feel that this is it... I just Pray that it is!

God's Will ... CD 10 Month 5 after surgery

Hi guys:

Well... we all Prayed for God's will (which we always do) and His will for me today was to have 3-4 really good eggs on my good side. Praise His name! He is much better to me than I deserve. The doctor said that this month looks really promising. She said my eggs seemed to be moving much faster than last month and my estradiol levels came back at 282 at CD 10. Last month on CD 9 my levels were 82. This is a big improvement. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and then she'll let me know when the insemination will be. Continue to Pray for this cycle.

There was one concern that she had dealing with the fact that my odds for triplets is increased this month. She said that my uterus couldn't hold triplets and that if I got pregnant with them, my high risk OB would bring up the reduction issue in order to save 2 of them. The main reason is because my uterus will want to contract when it feels full (like a normal one would with a baby at full term) and the more babies, the sooner that is. She said that with 3 it would probably be around 20 weeks which would mean they would all be born then and that is too early to save them. She said that it may not even happen but it was a possibility. I told her I just didn't know how I could do that. I honestly don't want to be in that situation but in my situation this is the sort of cycle we have been trying to achieve which automatically puts me at those risks. Just Pray for God to bless me with what He would see fit. Pray that if it is His will for a precious baby to come into my life this month, that this situation would be something I wouldn't have to be in. I know He knows what's best.


Love to each of you!

Ps. Thanks for your Prayers for me, my family and my aunt!

And........

I have 1 egg that should ovulate on my left ovary (the good side)! Praise the Lord! Those were actually my first words on the examining table today. God is truly good and He was good even last month when I had no left eggs at all. Just be Praying that He will send our child this month if it is possible in His will.

I did ask the doctor a couple of questions:

1. Would the not so good blood flow to my left side affect my left sided uterus when I get pregnant?
She said no. That it was only my ovary that was being affected by it.

2. Do I have a right rudimentary horn (a Unicornuate Uterus issue)?
She also said no and that if I had have she would have recommended another surgery to take it out. If you'll notice the drawing of my uterus on the right hand side of this blog, you'll see what I'm talking about and I should probably find a new picture because technically that little bitty uterus connected to the right ovary isn't there for me (that's the horn).

3. Should I order my shots anyway?
She said yes I should and that if I didn't need them that we could sell them to other women who are ordering them since they are from overseas.

So some good answers to some burning questions that I had. Pray guys... Pray so hard. I am so ready to find out that I am pregnant and to experience every little thing that goes along with it. I don't even care to puke or be ill.... I'd do anything to have a child at this point.

Thanks for your Prayers. They have been so uplifting to me and I can feel them surrounding me daily. I don't know what I'd do without you guys! You are appreciated more than you could ever know.

Ps. I mentioned to my RE the fact that my aunt had been diagnoised with ovarian cancer. She told me that she was really lucky that they had caught it in Stage 1b (what they moved her down to after the results came back). She was actually beyond lucky... she was blessed! She went for her second round of chemo yesterday and they tested her hormone levels which need to drop to 5 or lower (and this is HCG levels we are talking about here... soo wild to me). Her level had been 97,000 and had dropped to 66 with just that one treatment. Praise God!

How are you feeling?

I keep getting that question a lot. Do people really want me to answer that? haha I mean one minute I'm up the next I'm down. And I'm not such a good friend right now to some of my non IF preggo friends. If you are one of them and you are reading this... I apologize. I am very happy for all of you but I just can't call, text, email, message, etc. and talk about it. Its just too hard for me right now. Hopefully I'll be pregnant soon and we can have those discussions but at the moment I just can't.

God is a good God. That has been my statement of faith throughout this entire journey. I truly believe it! No matter how my emotions go, He still has my entire heart because I gave it to Him a long time ago. I trust Him. Does that mean that I don't go through the same issues as others? Nope. I still get upset, angry, depressed, miffed, etc about things but I feel in my heart that God knows and God has a plan.

I often worry that I am not walking this road good enough. I worry that though I am trying, I am not giving God all the glory He deserves through my infertility and life in general. I apologize Father that I can never, ever do enough to bring You glory. But I am trying and through His strength I can continue to persevere.

It is really easy to become negative when you have had 2o months of negative test results. It's easy to get down when you are told that you have a uterine deformity and that you will be high risk when you finally do get pregnant. And boy oh boy is it hard to hear that though you have had high hopes and spent lots of cash on meds, you don't have any eggs on your good side. I admit... it is depressing. Top all that off on Christmas Eve with my aunt's diagnosis of ovarian cancer and wow....

And I feel kind of at a loss because there is only one other IF friend that I regularly communicate with via this blog who has a UU. I would love to learn more and to hear more stories but they just aren't out there. I have joined the Yahoo UU Sisterhood group, but I still haven't made any personal connections.

God is dealing with my heart. It is a definite struggle because I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I'm upset with myself this morning about a couple of things I could have done differently. The holidays have thrown me off with my Bible studying and my regular Prayer time. I have still been doing it but not in a routine and the way that I like it. Please Pray for me in that area.

Also, I went shopping with my mother-in-law last Saturday at a Family Christan Store in Louisville. She wouldn't have it any other way but for me to pick out some stuff to buy as a continuation of my Christmas gift from her and my father-in-law. I was looking around and I came across a book. My first instinct was to put it back because I just never ever have the time to read and the only book I read daily is my Bible. But I flipped through it and noticed that it mentioned Elizabeth being barren and that the whole point of the book was God leading you through trials. So I felt like God was leading me to it. I am currently reading it (slowly) and I will let you know what I glean from Elizabeth George's words of wisdom from God.

Lastly, I want to thank God for 2008. It has been difficult yet there have been wonderful times. He has blessed my family with health and that's truly all I could ever ask for. He has given my mom a good report yesterday at her appointment with the cardiologist. He has blessed my dad with rest and health. He has blessed my brother with a 2008 championship and the chance to honor Him on the field at state. He has blessed my hubby with a wonderful job. He has watched over my in-laws and kept them safe throughout the many issues that have come about. He has blessed me with the process of finding out what is causing my IF. He's blessed my doctor with the wisdom to help me deal with it anyway. He has provided money for IF treatment. He has CONTINUED to be a GOOD GOD and He always will! The list goes on and on. I Praise Him for that.

Father,

I thank You this morning, the last of 2008, for all the many blessings that You have given to me and to those that I hold dear. I appreciate You for everything You are and continue to be. You truly are a good father who has my best interest at heart. I will continue to trust You throughout my journey with infertility and life in general. I will continually give to You the worries that plague my heart and the burdens that weigh me down. I will trust You Father and know that You are working even now for the Godly desires of my heart. I Pray Father, continue to create that precious child that's meant just for Mike and I. Let it already begin to fill my heart with it's presence and let it's love begin to grow in my heart. Be with my infertility journey, my friends who walk this path with me and those that don't. Be with my precious parents, my precious brother, precious husband and in-laws. Be with my blessed friends and church and pastor. Father, let 2009 bring a true abundance of love, peace, joy, and perhaps a precious little baby in our lives. I love You Father, even when I'm not so good at showing it. Help me to do better at that.

In Jesus' Holy Name I Pray,

Amen.

Warning!!!! Post Op Update... Including Pics.... Not For The Squimish!

Today I went to see my doctor for my post op visit. I was suppose to go on Thursday but since she will be assisting another doctor in surgery, they called and rescheduled me for today. I was there at 9am and went back at about 9:30. The first thing that she did was show me my pictures. WOW! How interesting! My husband was a little bit nervous about looking at pictures of my insides but he realized that my mom was right when she said that it was definitely not blood and gore. It is actually pretty cool. How many women can say that they know what their ovaries, tubes, and uterus looks like? Only those of us who have had laproscopic surgery to find out. What a bond we share girls!

So.... the doctor first pointed out my uterus. She compared it to a photo of a normal uterus. My uterus (when the picture is taken from the inside) looks like a tube whereas those of you with a normal uterus would show up as a triangle. I asked if she had seen a lot of women with my condition and she said yes and that they had had children. Encouraging! She also told me again that most women do not even know until they go into labor early and the baby is breech.

She then pointed out a bit of scar tissue on my bowel (which had nothing to do with all this except for the fact that it was in the way) and on my tube. I stiffened up a bit when she pointed the scarring on my tube but it was nothing major and was not located near the fingers of the tube which could damage them so severely that the only route would be In vitro (right Kim?) She then pointed out that my left tube (the one I need to get pregnant off of) had 2 cysts that she removed. She said that when the cysts get larger, they weigh the tube down and cause it to pull away from the ovary. So she fixed that as well. Lastly, she pointed out the endometriosis on my right and left ovary. There wasn't much there at all but she removed it because any of it can cause problems when trying to get pregnant.

Lastly, we walked back to the front lab area and discussed meds for the next cycles (hopefully only 1). She told me that she wanted me pregnant in the next 6 months before the endometriosis could return and that in order to do that we needed to make sure my left ovary was producing eggs each month. So we will start out with the Femara that I had been taking to see what happens. If that doesn't work she said that we would move straight back to the Clomid (I was unmonitored on it before when I was at Corbin so I have no idea if I ovulated or not), and finally if I am still having issues with getting my left side to produce eggs, we would move to injectibles. She told me that the rate of twins would be 25% with the injectibles and that she really wanted me to have a singleton (1 baby) but if we had to go that route to get pregnant, we would. She doesn't want me to have to deal with the endometriosis slowing me down or stopping me from conceiving.

So..... I am sort of excited..... a bit nervous.... and very ready to get this show on the road. This month when I see red I will be beyond excited to start trying again. Though I have enjoyed taking this cycle off to find out what I needed to know and to be able to have tests run on my kidney and take meds for this crazy cold (finally!), I am ready to get back on track.

Speaking of my kidneys... I did find out Monday, via ultrasound, that I do indeed have 2. That's wonderful! We still have to check their function to ensure that they are working correctly but my doctor here at home thinks that it will turn out fine because of my prior blood work results over the past year. I have to have a CT scan done on Wed. November 19 to check that out.

I think that's about it besides these lovely pictures I am revealing HAHA! Please continue to Pray for me. Pray for these needs:

1. God will send me a child/children when He sees fit. He knows the right month and He isn't on the time frame that we are.
2. Continue to Pray for my mental well being.... it is still a daily struggle.... a cross that I bear daily to live in the life among children and pregnant folks that I love so dearly and to not be able to join them or provide them someone to play with yet.
3. That God will let me find out about my kidneys and that everything will turn out ok.
4. Continue Praying for my dear friend Beth. And add another friend who's name I won't mention to your list. She is facing a very difficult battle that goes beyond infertility.

P.s. Congrats to one of my Besties Ms. Kimmy.... AKA Kim (that I work with). She found out this morning that she is having a baby boy. I am sure Lucas will love that. He'll have a partner in crime!

Now for the Pics:
(I hope you can see her handwriting. She made notes as to all the things I talked about above. You can click the pics to make them larger.)

This first set of pics shows my bowl scar, the left and only side of my uterus, and endometriosis on my right ovary.

The second set of pics show the small amount of scar tissue on my tube, the 2 cysts on my tube and the end of my tube. They also show the endometriosis on my left ovary and the blue stuff at the bottom of the tube in the last shot shows that my left tube is indeed open. Praise God for that!

This last set of pics show the view from inside my uterus. Notice the tube like look.

Dr. Licciardi Commented On My UU

http://infertilityblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/marathon-of-infertility-questions.html

I posted the situation on Dr. Licciardi's blog and he replied. Click the link above to see his response. It was short but made me feel good. Thanks for your continued Prayers!


"Jesus my best friend has a unicornuate uterus with an open tube, and was encouraged to try on her own. It sounds like a good plan to me."

Doctor Update!

So... right after I wrote that last post my doctor called. I think it is so neat that she called me on a Sunday night. Not a lot of doctor's would do that. I asked her some questions and kept her on the phone for 9 minutes! She said that I was just fine and that I would definitely be able to get pregnant and have babies. She said that I could go to a high risk doctor if I desired but that I didn't have to (I probably will). She said that if I were to get pregnant with twins that I would be able to carry them and I wouldn't have to be pressured into aborting them. She also said that I would probably consider a high risk doctor more so if I got pregnant with twins. She told me that the left, right, left scenario with my ovulation would be thrown out the window since I am doing medicated cycles. So I may ovulate from either side or both during any given month. She said that as far as my kidney is concerned, I would need to have an IVP done to see if I have both kidneys. I asked about miscarriage rates and she said that they were no different from anyone else my age. She said the only thing I would be dealing with would be preterm labor. She also told me that the internet has a lot of crazy stories.... I think I've already figured that out. If I can think of anything else that she said I'll update. All I can say now is... "THANK YOU LORD FOR LETTING ME HEAR THIS FIRST HAND AND BE REASSURED. THANK YOU JESUS FOR THE PRECIOUS CHILD THAT YOU ARE PREPARING FOR ME EVEN NOW."

So What Am I Feeling?

Well...... let's see.... what am I feeling? I have had mixed emotions since I found this out on Friday. I am first and foremost so thankful to God that I can still get pregnant and have a baby. I know that my journey will continue to be difficult but I am thankful for it nonetheless.

I did have a "Freak Out" moment last night. It was from reading the statistics on the internet. And there are some good statistics.... but I was focusing on the bad ones. I was so stressed that I left my apartment and drove around for about 10 minutes (and I wasn't suppose to drive until today). I just needed to let it all out.

Today, I have been reading about some other's who have been through what I am going through and I decided in my heart that since God chose this path for me, He will definitely see me through to the end with it. I just get so overwhelmed thinking about my small window of opportunity and my high risk pregnancy. But God is bigger than those things.

I am still grieving for my dear friend Beth who has faced what I have been worrying about having to face eventually, a miscarriage. Beth is such a sweet person and has been one of my TTC Cheerleaders for awhile now. I Pray that God will help her with this journey. I ask that you Pray for her as well.

In the meantime check out these two blogs. They deal with two girls who have a UU just like me. Look for the belly pics on the second one. It is really interesting to me because when I get pregnant, that's what my belly will look like.

Gas Passer aka UUer : A nurse anesthetist who is actually in labor now with her first baby carried in a UU.

What a Journey for Baby : A sweet lady who went through 5 miscarriages before getting to have her first child. The miscarriages were not from the UU.

P.s. Keep Praying for me. I want to have a baby soon if it is God's will.