Genesis 30: 22 - And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

So ... God did remember me. I am pregnant! Can you even believe that? I still really can't! Here's what happened:

I spotted yesterday... not enough to hit the paper really. I really thought that it was over, but I felt the peace of God. I felt it as I posted my blog entry last night. This morning I woke up to sore boobs. I still was pretty unsure. I went to work and was talking to my coworkers about how I thought it was over for the month. They kept saying that they had spotted during their pregnancy, too.

Fast forward to about 10:15 a.m. My students were switching classes and even though I was not planning to check my voicemail I kept looking to see if I had any. At that time, I realized I didn't have any. I was putting my phone back in my desk drawer and it started ringing. The number that showed up was a Knoxville number. I decided to answer it so I went behind my chart stand in my classroom so I would be on the phone in front of my kids. It was my doctor who proceeded to speak in a chipper, sunshine voice. She told me my test was positive. I was like, "Are you sure?" She said yes.

I was in shock. Complete shock! I stepped outside my classroom to continue talking. I told her about the spotting and she said that she definitely wanted to check my progesterone to be sure it wasn't getting low, especially since I was spotting yesterday (which didn't alarm her). She wanted it back today so she wanted me to drive to Knoxville to UT for the blood work. She told me that my HCG level was 29. She said it was a little lower than she wanted but that she wasn't worried about it as long as it kept doubling. She told me she was faxing all the orders to have the progesterone and the repeated HCG testing done over the next few days.

I was so shocked. I literally slid along the wall to the teacher next door, who was my 2nd and fourth grade teacher, and I said, "It was positive." She looked at me like what? I repeated it and she started screaming. I then went looking for my mom and found her in the teacher's lounge. I told her it was positive and she started screaming, "WooHoo!" I then called my husband who thought I was kidding! HAHA Then my friend Tina in the office and then my friend Deanna and Kim and my mother-in-law....etc. My momma called my dad, aunt, and brother. My aunt and brother knew all along... they just kept telling me that I was pregnant. My aunt said that God was speaking to her the whole time and letting her know that. She is such a blessing to me!

I walked around in a daze the rest of the day and left an hour early to head to UT. My mom and I were so exhausted driving. I was on the phone the entire way there. I had my blood work done and then got a call from my niece who is in Kindergarten. She told me that a little bird had told her that I was going to have a baby and then she proceeded to talk about what she was gonna do with the baby and etc.

Finally, at about 8pm I made it home after a pit stop at my mom's to see my dad and brother. I talked to my little cousin (she's in Pharmacy school and not really that little) and then I hit the shower. I took my digital test right before the shower just so I could see the word and there it was ... Pregnant!

I am still in shock! I Praise God for this blessing. I admit... I am nervous about all the levels and everything turning out ok. But God is good and He is faithful. I truly believe He will bring this to pass. Please... continue to Pray that everything goes well. That the progesterone is ok and that the HCG levels continue to double. I will keep you posted.

Thanks for all the Prayers you have Prayed and will be Praying. I love each of you more than you know even though I haven't met most of you!

Most of all... THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER.... SO MANY BLESSINGS YOU HAVE BESTOWED UPON ME. I AM SO UNDESERVING. I AM NERVOUS BUT ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT ELSE YOU ARE GOING TO DO. THIS CHILD IS YOURS FIRST AND FOREMOST AND I DEDICATE IT'S PRECIOUS NEW FORMING LIFE BACK TO YOU EVEN NOW ON THIS FIRST DAY THAT I KNOW OF IT'S EXISTENCE. THANK YOU PRECIOUS JESUS FOR THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR ME AND THE HOPE THAT I HAVE IN YOU!

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Love in Him,

*Sigh*

Just a quick note. I've been sick to my stomach since yesterday afternoon and I admit that it sort of had me thinking. Today after a nap, I took my progesterone shot as usual. As soon as I took it, I went to the bathroom and I was spotting. I have pretty much stopped for now but I am assuming it's because of the progesterone shot earlier. I went ahead and had my blood work done tonight after church instead of having to get up earlier in the morning before work. I probably won't check my voice mail for the results until after work. Just continue to Pray for me. God is still good even in the despair of this night! Glory to His name!

Ps. I dropped a book that our pastor went through with us about 5 years ago entitled "Praying When Life Hurts." It's kind of fitting that it just fell out during church because I think it's something I truly need to read right now. God knows exactly what to do for us doesn't He?

Waiting it out ....

First and foremost thanks to all of you who are Praying so hard and to those who have left sweet, sweet words of encouragement ... family and friends alike! You'll never know just how much you are appreciated.

I am feeling not so great today. I've been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days. Just the ups and downs of dreading finding out this news. I still have Hope that this is my month, but I am still a bit scared as well and exhausted more than anything. I feel like I won't be waiting too much longer because I feel like I'm trying to start my period. My lower back hurts and I feel really jittery. (I do the 'jittery' thing sometimes before my period). I also feel really nauseated. It's a toss up because periods and pregnancy have a lot of the same symptoms. I won't be surprised to see red soon even though I really hope that I don't.

I have really felt God speaking to me in these last few days. Last night I was watching Pastor John Hagee (I record his preaching) and he was speaking about hope. He said that hope is not just wishful thinking... our Hope is in the Lord. I've always known that but the things he brought out in his sermon just really touched my heart. This morning I was having my Prayer time and I wanted to hear a song before I started reading my Bible. I accidentally clicked on a link which took me to Natalie Grant's Myspace page and the song "Our Hope Endures" began to play out of the blue. I had heard that song on one of my many long trips home from the RE. This song I am not claiming as my theme song! I just sat and cried the entire time that it played. God is soo good even in the midst of these storms. Here He is trying to provide peace to my troubled. Thank you Father!

I don't know what will happen in the next couple of days. I honestly don't. I know what my heart wants to happen ... I want to find out that I'm pregnant and begin a journey that will be hard but worthwhile. Most importantly, as hard as it may be for me to accept, I want God's will in this situation more than anything and in my entire life for that matter.

Please continue to Pray my faithful sisters (and brothers who read or keep up in some way). Pray for God's will and Pray for my heart and my well being regardless of this outcome. Pray for guidance from Our Heavenly Father as to what to do in the coming months. Pray for peace and mercy. And Pray for others who are out there (like my friend Dena) who are also awaiting their news, whether it be about infertility or some other problem.

Please enjoy Natalie Grant's "Our Hope Endures":




Lyrics:

Our Hope Endures
By Natalie Grant

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged


Much Love to Each of You!

National Infertility Awareness Week Is This Week! ... Thanks Dena

In the woes of all my personal drama... I didn't realize that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Take just a moment to Pray for all of us who are going through infertility. If you are not an infertile.... take a few minutes to do speak something kind to those who are. I know from experience that we truly appreciate kind words : ) God bless!

Psalm 37 ... God's Reminders to Me

So ... last month in the shower Psalm 37:4 came to my heart. I was disheartened and hurt and God spoke to me through that verse. Today during Prayer time I was flipping through my Bible and landed on Psalm 37. As I started reading I ran into that verse. It brought tears to my eyes to see what God was once again reminding me of. Tonight at our church my pastor opened up the service with ... Psalm 37. Once again, it brought tears to my eyes. How good God is and how awesome His promises are!

I know that no matter the outcome this weekend ... He has a big plan for my desires. I am not saying that if I get a negative result that I won't be upset and hurt... but deep down I'll always know that God has a perfect will and that He is keeping me right in the center of it and I'll be grateful for that opportunity!

(Side note: my progesterone was 72)

Please read this chapter:

Psalm 37 (King James Version)

Psalm 37

¹Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

²For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

³Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

⁴Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

⁵Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

⁶And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

⁷Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

⁸Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

⁹For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

¹⁰For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

¹¹But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

¹²The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

¹³The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

¹⁵Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

¹⁸The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

¹⁹They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

²⁰But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

²¹The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

²²For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

²³The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

²⁴Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

²⁵I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

²⁶He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

²⁷Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

²⁸For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

³⁰The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

³¹The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

³²The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

³³The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

³⁴Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

³⁵I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

³⁶Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

³⁷Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

³⁸But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

³⁹But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.

⁴⁰And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

8 DPO ... Just A Drop

Nothing really to report. I feel absolutely nothing. Should I? It's amazing to me that all the information I need and desire to know, yet am scared to death to hear .... is all found in one drop of blood. How awesome to think of a drop of blood that is way more important than mine ... the blood of Jesus! All that I needed forever .... found in just one drop of His shed blood for my sins! How awesome. And today I hold his verse dear because it is all I have in the midst of this 2ww.

Joshua 1:9

King James Version Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Please just continue to Pray for this precious miracle that happens to many but is only realized by a few ... I want to be in that few.

1 DPO

Just a quick note... today is day 1 past ovulation. The IUI went well yesterday. I again took my Prayer cloth with me. Funny .. I lost it in the office when I was getting dressed after the procedure. I got down the street and realized it, so I headed back to the office and my doctor dug through the garbage (I had accidentally thrown it away with the paper that covered me) until she found it. I want to hang on to my Prayer cloth because it is something tangible that I can hold that reminds me of all the Prayers that are going up for me and Baby Goodlett.

My RE told me that she had once had a girl hold a baby Jesus figure while having her IUI. The girl got pregnant and passed it to all of her friends who got pregnant. : ) We got a kick out of that. I guess you just had to hear her tell me that story : )

Anyway... continue to Pray that God is knitting this precious child in my womb even now as we speak! I believe that He will! Another thing, Pray for my abdomen which is extremely sore.. not sure if it's from my swollen ovaries, ovulation, or both. Anyway... I've been in pain for 2 days. It's not unbearable but it is uncomfortable.

Much love!

PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THIS BLESSED CYCLE!

Dunno

Hi guys. Just a quick Prayer Request:

1. Pray for my mom as she goes tomorrow to be tested for the cancer gene HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. Pray that God would bless her to not have that gene. Also, Pray for good results from her mammogram tomorrow.

2. Pray for my friend Kim as she has her baby boy tomorrow.

3. Pray for me. I took a pregnancy test this evening just so I could be prepared for tomorrow since I'll find out while I am at mom's appointments with her. It was negative. I was upset to say the least. Just Pray that no matter if that test was right or wrong, that I'll be at peace with tomorrow's results and that God will lead me with decisions to come.

I still Praise Him even though I am so broken. And I apologize to Him for all those times that I haven't Praised Him enough. I love you Father even when I'm a whiny kid throwing a temper tantrum.


Much Love In Jesus,

Progesterone Month 5 Post Op

Just a quick note to tell you my progesterone results.... 22. My doctor said that was good, though I have to admit I really thought that it would be higher since I'm taking these shots. But oh well. I'm just thankful to God that it was higher than it was last month. Thank you Father!

I feel crampy and my knees ache ( just like they always do before my visitor). I just Pray that it is this month. I figure that I may be late starting if it isn't because of the progesterone supplements. I've heard they can delay your period. Any of you guys have that happen?

1 Peter 5:6-7 .... and I Would Die For That

1 Peter 5:6-7

King James Version
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Father, I Pray that this will be my "due time."

3rd IUI and My Faith Statment

The IUI went well yesterday. My cervix had to be moved a bit again (as always) and there was a bit of bleeding. There were also a few issues that made them have to spin the specimen a bit longer because of thickness but it all turned out well. I took my Prayer cloth from Shelly and Brandon's church and placed it over my left ovary and uterus area. I Prayed the entire time that I had to wait after the procedure was completed.

Michael and I went down after Church on Wed. It was such a long day with our district walk-thru at work, my nephew (cousin) coming to visit, mamaw stopping by, Church, and then a middle of the night trip to Knoxville! We didn't arrive at our hotel until like after midnight. We ended up staying at a closer hotel this time and we even got a discount through Michael's work.

I felt myself getting ill Wed. but I just kept pushing myself because that's what I do best! haha Anyway, it hit Thursday morning. When I say hit, I mean it hit hard. I was exhausted from coughing and sneezing all night, so much so that I didn't even want to be touched let alone have an IUI. But I went and dropped off the specimen and then went back to the hotel to have a contential breakfast with my hubby before heading back for the procedure.

The doctor put me on progesterone in oil shots and I had to overnight them from Barron's Pharmacy in Ohio. The 2 vials of PIO and the needles and syringes plus the overnight shipping was $96 bucks. Doesn't seem like a lot but it is when you are already paying hundreds for your meds in the first place plus a couple hundred for the IUI and travel/rooms. Mentally exhausting.

So anyway, my doctor and I laughed for a few minutes together about me and my random "shot" moments on the side of the highway. She also told me to let her know if this cold got worse, ie. a fever, so that she could put me on a safe antibiotic. I had to end up calling this morning because it did just that.

After the IUI yesterday, Michael and I went to Wasabi's, my favorite Japenese place in Knoxville. He always wants to take me because I love it but I had to force myself to enjoy it yesterday because I felt so bad. I slept most of the way home and then most of the evening.

I was watching Pastor John Hagee's sermon on writing down your request as a statment of faith and not believing that God can do it but that God will do it. It was really uplifting and I enjoyed it thoroughly. So I am going to write my faith statement on my blog since I consider it my safe place.

"I am asking God to bless me with my very own child(ren) and a personal pregnancy with each one this month. I know that God cares for me and is in control. I also know that HE CAN. But beyond that, my step of faith this month is to realize that HE WILL."

Pastor Hagee mentioned that it is scary to write something so affirmative down on paper and I must admit that it is. It's hard to totally say I am giving over totally to this faith and it will happen. But, shouldn't I be able to let my faith be that strong? Well here is my attempt to try!

So... please continue to Pray for the success of this cycle if it be God's will and for me to get better soon from this silly cold. Keep Praying about all the previous requests, too.

CD 26 --- God Is Bigger Than Infertility

Just a quick note. It is day 26 in this 4th cycle since surgery. I had my progesterone checked yesterday but I will not find out the results until Monday or Tuesday. This time last cycle, my CD 26 became CD1 as I started my period. No red stain yet, though I continue to keep checking. I am slightly cramping but not as badly as usual. My lower back is aching something awful this morning and I've been up since 6:30am because I went to bed at 5:50pm yesterday! Please continue to Pray that Michael and I, along with our families and tons of friends, will be able to experience the wonderful news of an impending baby in our future, if that is possible in God's will.

I have had a really, really hard week at work as well as waking up daily thinking that I have started. I have not received my next round of meds in the mail yet, so keep that in your Prayers as well. Am I doubting God? No. But I have to be prepared in case I need those meds. Prayerfully, I won't!

Beyond anything, my Heavenly Father is still an amazing Father no matter what the outcome is with this cycle. I have said that all along and will continue to do so even if I never conceive. If that is His will, someway, somehow He will carry me through the difficulty of it. I can't even comprehend that right now and I truly do not believe in my heart that it is His will that I don't conceive. I have had too many confirmations. There have been too many Christians who have been Praying day in and day out and they, too, have had confirmations. The best thing about today is the fact that I know that MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN INFERTILITY! I am so thankful for that.

Waiting Game

So I am not in the 2 ww. The IUI went well yesterday, despite my RE having to adjust my cervix because it tends to go towards the left. Wonder why? haha Michael's count was 80 million so that was good. Now I just sit back, relax (try!), and wait.

There have been two different things that I have came across this week on the issue of abortion. The first is the story of the famous football start Tim Tebow. I am a fan of Tebow and I just loved his mother's story when my sweet cousin Monica sent it to me.

Tim's mom, Pam, knows about the pain of considering abortion.

More than 21 years ago, she and her husband, Bob, were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in a contaminated food or drink. She entered into a coma and was treated with strong antibiotics before they discovered she was pregnant. Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted.

The doctors "didn't think of it as a life, they thought of it as a mass of fetal tissue," Pam said. While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband, "If you will give us a son, we'll name him 'Timothy,' and we'll make him a preacher."

Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and, eventually, gave birth to a health baby boy August 14, 1987.

Pam's youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father's ministry in the Philippines.

He also plays football. Pam's son is Tim Tebow.

Tim, the University of Florida's star quarterback, became the first sophomore in history to win college football's highest award, the Heisman Trophy. Tim's notoriety and the family's inspiring story have given Pam numerous opportunities to speak on behalf of women's centers across the country.

She was the keynote speaker at the Oct. 23, 2008, benefit banquet for two Louisville ministries. A Woman's Choice Resource Center offers such services as free pregnancy tests, post-abortion counseling, adoption information, and material support. Necole's Place is a companion ministry that provides support services for women in need.

Several Louisville-area Kentucky Baptist churches and Long Run Baptist Association help support both ministries.

A Woman's Choice board chairman, John Schmitt, reported at the banquet that in the 20 years since the resource center opened, 4,500 children have been saved from abortion -- 400 in this year alone.

Speaking of the thousands of lives saved, Pam Tebow said, "That just blows my mind. Every little baby you save matters."

That is just one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard!!!

The second thing that I came across was the video clip of this 7th grade girl speaking on abortion. Wow! She does an excellent job speaking and getting her point across. So awesome!

12-year-old steals day with pro-life speech
Teachers threaten disqualification, but girl chooses to speak against abortion
Posted: February 16, 2009
8:36 pm Eastern

By Chelsea Schilling
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

Despite facing threats of disqualification, a 12-year-old girl took first place in a speech contest when she eloquently argued for the rights of unborn children – after an offended judge quit.

"What if I told you that right now, someone was choosing if you were going to live or die?" the seventh-grader begins in a video recording of her speech on YouTube. "What if I told you that this choice wasn't based on what you could or couldn't do, what you'd done in the past or what you would do in the future? And what if I told you, you could do nothing about it?"

The girl, a student at a Toronto school identified only as "Lia," continued:

"Fellow students and teachers, thousands of children are right now in that very situation."

Pass these stories on please!

Ps. Continue to Pray that this would be the month for Michael and I to be made aware of the presence of our precious child. Thanks be unto God ... for He is a Prayer answering Father! I thank Him even now for this precious child(ren).



P.s. My live signature is finally back after being on hiatus for awhile *LOL*

Laying Low

As much as I love to talk and blog... I've been trying to lay low these last couple of months. I just am trying to not solely focus on my infertility. I am doing this same thing at work because it's really easy for everyone to get involved and then it's really hard to have to let them see you get more negative news. I know my God is real and I feel like I'll get great news but I am just protecting myself.

That's something I've been wanting to post for awhile now. I have learned that I have to protect myself. As much as I love babies and those that I know who have or are having them... I have to be proactive in keeping my mental state up. I really honestly have not ever been a selfish person. Sure... I have certain selfish tendencies like anyone... ask my husband. HAHA But in reality I have spent my entire life worrying about other people. And I feel like that's the Christian thing to do. That's why I have had such a hard time just backing off with the checking in and talking about pregnancy or baby related issues because I have felt like I am not being supportive if I don't.

But I have had an epiphany in the last couple of months. I have realized that I have to take care of myself or I am going to be of no use to anyone anyway. I was really on a downward spiral there for a few months and I tell ya it was hard. I am by no means out of the woods at all. But now I am just trying to keep some things to myself and try to not be so involved with the very things that are in the same realm as what I'm going through. It's very hard... very, very hard. I want to be myself but right now I can't and I need to just take care of myself.

With that said... though it may sound harsh and awful of me.... I am not putting myself into "baby" situations, be it conversations, tons of pictures, baby showers, or friendly gatherings involving myself and friends/anyone who is pregnant or a new mom. I love all of my dearest folks and I mean this for the best I promise. I just can't go there right now. With that said, there are times I can talk about things and I do if I can. It's those rare moments that I do treasure. I want to be a part of everything but only when I feel like I really "can."

Those of you who are around me daily (like my work buddy Kim who is preggo) already know these things but I felt like it was something I needed to post on here for all my pals to see. And for my blogger pals... I promise to try to post more as I can. I actually miss constantly updating.

I am Praying for each of you infertility gals and each of you preggo gals. I love each of you dearly! Continue to keep me in your Prayers and know that you are so very dear to my heart.

Hopefully and Prayerfully I can post my good news soon!

Ps. I do want to share this... my progesterone level was 27 today. Praise You Precious Heavenly Father for that!

Also... Please keep Praying for my aunt. Her cancer hormones are dropping fast which is great, but the chemo has left her white blood cell count extremely low. Pray for her health. We don't want her to develop leukemia or anything (it is possible due to her chemo though they are giving her a different chemo to counteract that).

And... Pray for me I am a tad under the weather with a really bad cold.

Quick Request

My mother-in-law has to have a D&C done next Thursday to remove a large, uterine polyp. The doctor said that her lining was really thick as well. She asked if it were cancerous what would happen... the doctor said that they weren't gonna think about it being cancer because she had seen enough cancer in December. My MIL asked again what if it were and the doctor said that she would know when she saw it and that they would go from there. So of course the whole family is worried about cancer because her mother died of ovarian cancer (what my aunt has). Anyway, do any of you know anyone who have had polyps in their uterus? Please Pray for our family and for my MIL as she prepares to go through this. Love to you all!

Ps. I can feel your Prayers. I am so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father who knows everything and can see what I can't. I am also so blessed that He has shared His other children with me .... you guys! I love you all!

My Decision

I have decided after much thought and much time in Prayer with God to take the Clomid days 3-7. I Pray that I have made the right decision and I feel as though I have because God led me to this decision. I have felt at peace with it. I should start my period on Saturday or Sunday if my Christmas miracle was delayed. I believe that I will get to have a child, but sometimes it seems like I'm going backward in that tunnel I mentioned a few posts ago. I feel as though the light that I could see at the end is now dim again. I'm just really not at a good point personally and I am doing all the things I know to do to get myself back to a better place. I am definitely leaning on God because I couldn't even get out of bed right now if it weren't for Him. I am just mentally worn out with this situation and my emotions. I'm mentally worn out with the fact that I am truly not myself right now. I can't do the things I use to do... I can't even communicate with people the way that I always have. I even have to work hard to communicate with my precious Savior at times.

On top of it all, my husband and I are trying to buy our first house because we found one that we loved and that would be an awesome deal. Well, we have had major issues with the seller and now I think there's someone else looking at it as well. Please Pray that if it's God's will for us to buy this house that He will help the seller to relax and just follow through with it and that no one else will buy it. I'm ready to buy a home and to enjoy some of the luxuries (and problems I'm sure) of being a home owner.

Lastly, please keep my aunt in your Prayers. She goes back to the doctor this Friday to find out if her Ovarian Cancer has spread to other organs. She is scared and I can see why. I have a really good feeling about it but I still greatly desire your Prayers. I really want this to come back good and for her to start her treatments and be on the road to recovery. She is really looking at life a lot differently as anyone would when they go through something like that. I love her dearly and I want everything to be ok with her.

Just Pray dear friends. Pray, Pray, Pray and know that I love each of you and I appreciate all your thoughts, Prayers, encouragement, and comments more than you'll ever know!


Ps. I did learn that when you have ovarian cancer or in men, prostate cancer, your hormones surge and that a big indicator is that you would test positive for pregnancy on a pregnancy test. So... just a thought but ... I think it'd be a good idea for folks to take a cheap pregnancy test each month to just make sure that it wasn't showing up as pregnant. My aunt's showed up as pregnant and the nurse actually argued with her telling her she was definitely pregnant when she knew she wasn't. Just a thought and something important I wanted to pass along to you guys.

Things Aren't Looking Too Good

Please Pray for me as I think I am in the process of starting a new cycle which would obviously mean that I am not pregnant. Pray for me.

Quick Note... Progesterone Levels for November

My progesterone levels came back for this month and were 24.6. I am Praying that this means I ovulated at least 2 eggs. Please Pray guys.

Love to each of you!

alesha

Sharing some old posts from Shine 4 Jesus last Christmas with you Part 2 : God Is In The Impossible Situations

Luke 2: 5-80
5 ¶ There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abia: and his wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth. They came from a good background!
6 And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
7 And they had no child, because that Elisabeth was barren, and they both were now well stricken in years.
8 And it came to pass, that while he executed the priest's office before God in the order of his course,
9 According to the custom of the priest's office, his lot was to burn incense when he went into the temple of the Lord.
10 And the whole multitude of the people were praying without at the time of incense.
11 And there appeared unto him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense.
12 And when Zacharias saw him, he was troubled, and fear fell upon him.
13 But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John.
14 And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth.
15 For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother's womb. Notice how he is filled with the Holy Spirit in the verse where his mom gets to see her cousin Mary and John knows even in the womb that she is carrying our Savior!
16 And many of the children of Israel shall he turn to the Lord their God.
17 And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.
18 And Zacharias said unto the angel, Whereby shall I know this? for I am an old man, and my wife well stricken in years.
19 And the angel answering said unto him, I am Gabriel, that stand in the presence of God; and am sent to speak unto thee, and to shew thee these glad tidings. He lacked faith…. I do this quite often myself!
20 And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season.
21 And the people waited for Zacharias, and marvelled that he tarried so long in the temple.
22 And when he came out, he could not speak unto them: and they perceived that he had seen a vision in the temple: for he beckoned unto them, and remained speechless.
23 And it came to pass, that, as soon as the days of his ministration were accomplished, he departed to his own house.
24 And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived, and hid herself five months, saying,
25 Thus hath the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my reproach among men.
Back in those days, people actually believed that you had done something wrong or weren't holy enough to be blessed with a child. That's the reproach she is talking about.

Our Precious Savior's Existence is Spoken of …..
26 ¶ And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
27 To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.
32 He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
33 And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.
34 Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
35 And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.
36 And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
37 For with God nothing shall be impossible. This is my favorite part…. Here Mary had conceived and never known a man… and Elizabeth had conceived when she never thought she would. Both good women of God who loved God and were holy in His sight and their faith was made whole!!!
38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.
39 ¶ And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda;
40 And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth.
41 And it came to pass, that, when ; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost: Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb There's baby John the Baptist getting excited about Jesus!
42 And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
43 And whence is this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? Beautiful!!! She was honoring Mary, a younger woman, and she was humble enough to do so!
44 For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy.
45 And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.
46 And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
47 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
48 For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
51 He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
52 He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.
53 He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
54 He hath holpen his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;
55 As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.
56 And Mary abode with her about three months, and returned to her own house. Beautiful… Mary sings praises to God for His goodness and mercies!
57 ¶ Now Elisabeth's full time came that she should be delivered; and she brought forth a son.
58 And her neighbours and her cousins heard how the Lord had shewed great mercy upon her; and they rejoiced with her. Even after they had all assumed she had done something wrong before because she was barren! God showed them! Even though she had to wait for the child, look at who her child grew up into! John the Baptist!
59 And it came to pass, that on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child; and they called him Zacharias, after the name of his father.
60 And his mother answered and said, Not so; but he shall be called John.
61 And they said unto her, There is none of thy kindred that is called by this name.
62 And they made signs to his father, how he would have him called.
63 And he asked for a writing table, and wrote, saying, His name is John. And they marvelled all.
64 And his mouth was opened immediately, and his tongue loosed, and he spake, and praised God.
65 And fear came on all that dwelt round about them: and all these sayings were noised abroad throughout all the hill country of Judaea.
66 And all they that heard them laid them up in their hearts, saying, What manner of child shall this be! And the hand of the Lord was with him.
67 ¶ And his father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Ghost, and prophesied, saying,
68 Blessed be the Lord God of Israel; for he hath visited and redeemed his people,
69 And hath raised up an horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David;
70 As he spake by the mouth of his holy prophets, which have been since the world began:
71 That we should be saved from our enemies, and from the hand of all that hate us;
72 To perform the mercy promised to our fathers, and to remember his holy covenant;
73 The oath which he sware to our father Abraham,
74 That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear,
75 In holiness and righteousness before him, all the days of our life.
76 And thou, child, shalt be called the prophet of the Highest: for thou shalt go before the face of the Lord to prepare his ways;
77 To give knowledge of salvation unto his people by the remission of their sins,
78 Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us,
79 To give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. He gave thanks to God for the blessed child they received!
80 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his shewing unto Israel.
He grew to be a great man who did nothing but point to Jesus through his whole life!

Sharing some old posts from Shine 4 Jesus last Christmas with you Part 1 : My very favorite Christmas song

(From Christmas 2007)

My very favorite Christmas song is "Mary Did You Know?" I could listen to this song over and over. It captures to very meaning of Christmas and puts in perspective with every other story involving Jesus in the Bible. I had hoped to ponder over this song as a pregnant gal this Christmas, however, God is not quite ready yet for our little addition. I know that regardless of when I get pregnant, I will listen to this song and ponder over this sweet, young girl who was chosen to deliver a Savior! Also, take notice of how the old will be made new.... my absolute favorite part.. our old bodies will be new and ABLE. Here are the lyrics and be sure to go here to listen to the song.

Mary, Did You Know?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy
Would someday walk on water?
Mary did you know
That your baby boy
Will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy
Has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
Will soon deliver you.


Mary did you know
That your baby boy
Will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know
That your baby boy
Will calm the storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy
Has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby
You've kissed the face of God.
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
The dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the Lamb

Mary did you know
That your baby boy
Is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know
That your baby boy
Will one day rule the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy
Is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding

Is the Great I Am