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Saturday, May 2, 2009

Waiting it out ....

First and foremost thanks to all of you who are Praying so hard and to those who have left sweet, sweet words of encouragement ... family and friends alike! You'll never know just how much you are appreciated.

I am feeling not so great today. I've been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days. Just the ups and downs of dreading finding out this news. I still have Hope that this is my month, but I am still a bit scared as well and exhausted more than anything. I feel like I won't be waiting too much longer because I feel like I'm trying to start my period. My lower back hurts and I feel really jittery. (I do the 'jittery' thing sometimes before my period). I also feel really nauseated. It's a toss up because periods and pregnancy have a lot of the same symptoms. I won't be surprised to see red soon even though I really hope that I don't.

I have really felt God speaking to me in these last few days. Last night I was watching Pastor John Hagee (I record his preaching) and he was speaking about hope. He said that hope is not just wishful thinking... our Hope is in the Lord. I've always known that but the things he brought out in his sermon just really touched my heart. This morning I was having my Prayer time and I wanted to hear a song before I started reading my Bible. I accidentally clicked on a link which took me to Natalie Grant's Myspace page and the song "Our Hope Endures" began to play out of the blue. I had heard that song on one of my many long trips home from the RE. This song I am not claiming as my theme song! I just sat and cried the entire time that it played. God is soo good even in the midst of these storms. Here He is trying to provide peace to my troubled. Thank you Father!

I don't know what will happen in the next couple of days. I honestly don't. I know what my heart wants to happen ... I want to find out that I'm pregnant and begin a journey that will be hard but worthwhile. Most importantly, as hard as it may be for me to accept, I want God's will in this situation more than anything and in my entire life for that matter.

Please continue to Pray my faithful sisters (and brothers who read or keep up in some way). Pray for God's will and Pray for my heart and my well being regardless of this outcome. Pray for guidance from Our Heavenly Father as to what to do in the coming months. Pray for peace and mercy. And Pray for others who are out there (like my friend Dena) who are also awaiting their news, whether it be about infertility or some other problem.

Please enjoy Natalie Grant's "Our Hope Endures":




Lyrics:

Our Hope Endures
By Natalie Grant

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is racked
With illness, oh how can she laugh?
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged


Much Love to Each of You!

2 Remarks:

Dena

I love that song. I have a "theme song" as well and they played it tonight at our church... cried through the whole thing : )
I'm impressed that you're able to wait for your blood work. I guess we both will know for sure on Monday then. I wish they brought us in but they just have us test at home...makes me a little nutty!

beth ewing

i love that song. they play it on the radio alot here and i truly think it speaks loads about hope to those struggling with anything. praying this is your month but if not, praying for guidance as to where to go from here.