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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Dearest Sisters..... I have once again started my period. It was last night at around 10pm. I had found out yesterday afternoon that my progesterone was only 7 on peak day. I was shocked because it has never been so low. (It is suppose to be at least a 15 on meds.) So my doctor put me on progesterone suppositories (prometrium) and I was actually getting ready to use the second one last night when I realized that I had started my period. I couldn't believe it because I really thought this was the month. Yet, it is another valley that I find myself in again today. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up with a baby of my own. If only it were that simple. But as the title says (I borrowed it from the song with the same title .... you can see the lyrics at the bottom of this post), I must go through this valley to stand upon the mountain of God. I know that this is just something I have to go through.

I feel in my heart that God will bless me with the opportunity to be a mom and I truly believe He will bless me with the opportunity to experience pregnancy. Do any of you feel that way? If so, please let me know because it's really good to hear that God is speaking to other hearts about the whole situation.

Still... I say without a shadow of a doubt that My God, My Savior, My Hero is still just so wonderful and good! He loves me and for some reason He is waiting for a certain time. I don't understand and to be truthful, it scares me too death to try, but He has a perfect reason and a perfect time.

Just continue to Pray for my husband and I along with our families. Please Pray for God to speak to my heart and help me know the right decisions to make and honestly, for my sanity and the peace of God to cover me. I need His strength, peace, and grace to make it through all this again this cycle. Pray for good eggs, lots of them on the left side again this month! Please Pray that God will send us a child of our own soon if possible in His will. I don't ask that it be soon because I'm being impatient (I've learned a lot about that in the last 2 years), but because I am physically and mentally worn out with this. This isn't something I can just do and not think about. It consumes me. Please just Pray beloved friends!

TONIGHT, FATHER I GIVE YOU TOTAL CONTROL OF THIS CYCLE AND THE FEARS AND ANXIETIES THAT I HAVE HAD FOR SO LONG. GO BEFORE ME AND CARRY ME THROUGH THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.


Mountain of God
by Third Day


I thought that I was all alone,
broken and afraid,
but you were there with me,
you were there with me.
And I didn't even know
I had lost my way,
but you were there with me,
yes, you were there with me.
Tell you opened up my eyes I never knew,
that I couldn't ever make it without you.

Chorus:
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard.
Well the one who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley
to stand upon the Mountain of God.

As I travel on the road,
you have led me down,
you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
And I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
that you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
Mountain Of God lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/17600-Mountain-Of-God~Third-Day.html

I confess from time to time I lose my way,
but you were always there to bring me back again.

~chorus~

Bridge:
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from,
And the things I've left behind.
Well, of all I've had,
what I possess,
they can't quite compare,
with what's in front of me,
with what's in front of me.

Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
well, the one who's gone before me,
he will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
well, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
yes, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain of God.





Much love,

5 Remarks:

beth ewing

oh girl. i'm so sorry. my heart breaks for you. i know someday we'll all be standing on the mountain and we'll realize WHY God brought us through the valley, but it's hard when you're right in the middle of the valley. i know it's different for me b/c i've already experienced pregnancy but i honestly do believe despite our setbacks that God will allow me to be pregnant again and carry to term. so i don't think that's crazy at all. hang in there. i wish i could come give you a hug.

Anonymous

Dear Sister in Christ,

Praying for u. The bible says
"Be still and know that I am God" . It's hard.I know. I have been through the path u are treading. I know my Savior is waiting for the perfect time to give us children too.Take care of yourself.
Please listen to this song .Very comforting to know we have a LIVING GOD who feels our pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOus45dorPU&feature=related

Dave and Elaine

Oh I am so sorry to hear this and feel your pain. Please know I am praying for God's peace to surround you as you are in the valley and that He will soon bring you to the mountaintop and reveal His perfect plan to you.

Stacey

I'm so sorry this wasn't the one. I'm holding onto hope for you still.
To answer your question, I also believe that it is in God's plan for me to be a mother. It's not clear to me how I will get there (pregnancy or adoption) but I trust Him! I know you do too. Praying for you!

Hear My Cry

praying for you Alesha!