Zoey @ 11 months

Zoey's 11 month began with her hanging out with Uncle Billy during some really crazy storms.  Mommy and mamaw had scheduled a hair appointment for after school on that Thursday and Billy had kept Zoey.  Of course the bad storms would come while we were gone.  However, Uncle Billy took awesome care of her, as he always does.  He'll be such a good daddy someday!

On Friday, Zoey, mamaw, & I went to town to find some party things for her upcoming 1st birthday party.  We found a ton of stuff at the dollar tree.  The next night, Zoey went trick or treating in the town square and in our subdivison.  Zoey was shy and sleepy while trick or treating but was wide awake and ready to play in her candy when we got home.  She cried for a sucker that I had let her lick on.  She wanted the whole dum, dum in her mout and I wouldn't let her for fear that it would break off and she would choke.  She got the cutest blue toboggan from the local college and we began to rely on that for help on the following cold mornings.

On the 31st, Zoey and I met mamaw and papaw at church.  We were by ourselves and running late.  I had to stop at the store to buy a new paci since I had forgotten the others at home.  I refuse to go to church without her paci!  haha  I would be asking for it!  Then we had a poopy diaper as we pulled in.  Needless to say, we were pretty late.

We headed home afterwards and I held the ladder while daddy applied stain/sealer to the house.  Then we had drama trying to match everyone to get ready for church directory pictures.  After a fight with the car seat base, we were on our way and I was exhausted.  We were late for church because the pictures weren't over until 6:30 and then we headed to Wal-Mart, my hubby's bright idea because he never seems to run out of energy unlike me!

The next day was November 1st, Danielle's (Zoey's namesake and my bff) 30th birthday.  I was amazed that it had been 5 whole years since I had sent her flowers for her last birthday here on earth.  I put on my commemorative pin that I attempt to wear daily during November each year and headed to work knowing that this year, my daughter would notice that pin and would already question what it was and why mommy was wearing it.  More questions will come as she gets older and I'll be glad to share the story of Danielle's life with her. 

The next day there was no school and I headed to the doctor, 2 hours away.  After being in the doctor's office for ever (waiting 40 minutes for blood work), I picked up stuff for my dearest friend Tina to make Zoey a tutu, ate Japanese, picked up 2 Halloween costumes on clearance and got home around 6ish. 

The next few days were just work and then that weekend, Zoey and I went to town with mamaw.  I got Zoey her first birthday gift... a small chatterbox Elmo that she enjoyed playing with in the store and the rest of the supplies for her tutu.  I also found her baby brother's Halloween costume even cheaper so I ended up saving more money by purchasing it at the lower price.

We were home from church the next day due to mommy overdoing it herself that week and needing some rest.  I did manage to straighten up Zoey's room just a bit and her clothes before making myself lay around the rest of the day.  Monday, I gave Zoey's tutu stuff to Tina and boom... Tuesday morning she had it ready.  Zoey was amazed by it and was kinda intimidated by it haha  That day was Celebrate America at work for me and then home to prepare for Zoey's 11 month pictures (which would include those for her 1st bday) the next day.

The pictures were so much fun and my lil girl was hilarious!  She first took her Thanksgiving pictures with the fall background and the little turkey and then she took her 1st birthday pictures.  Zoey hated the feeling of the cake icing on her and actually cried when she got it on her!  It was hilarious.  She also didn't like that the icing was strawberry... what can I say... she's my girl... she loves chocolate!

I picked up her pictures the next day and they were adorable to say the least.  I ended up making a last minute decision to change her birthday party to the following weekend and stayed up until 3am getting invitations ready for it.  The next day, I mailed the invitations, worked, and then headed to a meeting during the 2nd half of the day.  The meeting ended early and I headed out to take Zoey to get her 1st flu shot.  She did great with it.

ZOEY MEASUREMENTS:
AS OF 11-12-10
HT. 28.5 INCHES
WT 18.15 LBS
HEAD 45 cm
Temp. 97.8

That night ended with me in the process of changing Zoey and her managing to pee on the changing table and get it all in her hair and all over her.  LOL  So the night technically ended with another bath and bedtime.

The 13th brought about a trip to Corbin with mamaw to the Dollar Tree for some things, Wal-Mart, Sonic, and a few shoe stores with Zoey's great grandmother Rose.  The next day we headed to church and Zoey wore her frilly dress that her Aunt Carrie had gotten her a few months back.  We through a sweater on with it so that she wouldn't get too cold and it was adorable.  She was complimented a lot but she always is haha

That Monday was work.  I was exhausted and feeling a lot of pressure down low so I took a nap with Zoey at mamaw's house and fed her mashed potatoes and bananas before heading home at 7:30pm.  I fell asleep again getting her to sleep and woke up at 2am to take my meds.  That night we also got our church pictures back and they turned out really well... well Zoey's did haha

The rest of the week was work, work, work as usual.  The 19th was a busy day being so because it was a work day and our 5 year wedding anniversary.  We celebrated by going out to eat at Golden Corral and doing a bit of last minute birthday shopping at Wal-Mart with Zoey.  That night began the period of over a month of sickness beginning with Zoey's 1st round of diarrhea.  She screamed all the way home after daddy dropped us off at my car so we could follow him home.  When we got home and I got her out, she had went big time.  I assumed it was something in the potatoes we had ate so I let it go.  That night she went again and so my mom brought her some pedialyte just in case.  She did great the whole day and so I didn't cancel her birthday party.  We had a great time after we finally got moving.  I couldn't seem to get motivated to finish decorating and daddy was trying to help me and clean.  Finally we were finishing dishes as our 1st guest, great mamaw Brock showed up.  Next was Tina and Lauren, then Jessica and Gavin.... etc.  Zoey had a great time though she was a bit whiny.  She licked a ton of chocolate icing off her cake and did a much better job with it this time than she did at her photo session.  She had a ton of icing in her nose and so after her bath I had to clean it all out of her nose haha  She got lots of cool toys and had a great time seeing everyone.  Her birthday cake was to die for and was created by my dearest Tina.  She is so good!

Just when we thought she was feeling better... the diarrhea started again.  And it lasted through the next day and actually for the next week and half.  We were home with Zoey that next day only running out to Kmart for more pedialyte and stopping at Mr. Gatti's for daddy some dinner.  On the 23rd, Zoey and I spent the night with mamaw and papaw because mommy had a doctor's appointment at 7:30am the next day which meant I had to leave at around 5:15 to get there.  I was leaving her there so I figured I'd spend the night there so she could just sleep through me leaving and not have to get up and then try to go back to sleep when I dropped her off.  I headed out by myself so that my mom could cook our Thanksgiving dinner for that day while I was gone.  The appointment went well and I was out before 10am. I stopped at a Wal-Mart in Lafollette, Tn and picked up a few things for Zoey and her brother along with some bananas and flowers and then was on my way.  I then stopped by the cemetery to visit Danielle's grave and I placed the flowers there.  I had cried my eyes out that morning as I had passed by driving down the road we traveled so much together and now I was just numb standing there.  So surreal that she's really gone... even 5 years later.  So amazing that I have a little girl that she would have spoiled rotten that shares her name and even reminds me of her in some ways.

I then headed home to eat some Thanksgiving dinner via my momma's kitchen.  It was wonderful!  It always is!  Next, I took a nap... ate some more and then sat around until my hubby and dad arrived to eat.  It's always a little off kilter when we celebrate ahead of time because they aren't always off work and so we eat again with them.  My mom does everything early and this is no exception.  Zoey enjoyed to potato salad and dressing.  I knew she would... it's a tradition in our family and no one makes it like my mom and my grandmother do (did).  We left for Louisville at around 7pm and headed to Indiana first.  We spent about an hour and half there taking my sister-in-law our old couches for her basement.  Zoey was amazed watching her animals while sitting on my hip.  Carrie fed her some egg nog shake and then Uncle Keith tried to give her chocolate milk.  Then we headed to Aunt Fefe's to drop off the trailor until we were ready to head back home.  Finally, we made it to granny's house and to bed after a White Castle snack at 3:30am.  I noticed that zoey had a slight cough that night but I dismissed it.

The next day was Thanksgiving with the Lville clan.  We ate and then they threw Zoey a birthday party because they hadn't gotten to come to hers.  She had a blast with her cake there.  She ate a lot of it and then rolled it around on the table.  I then played rummy with my Carrie, Pa, and Jesse while Zoey took a nap on the bed with Granny.  I won and I wasn't even paying attention... I was sifting through sale ads.  At 12:30am, we headed out (Zoey, too) to Wal-Mart where it was hilariously packed.  My hubby was the ring leader and quickly changed his mind after he saw the crowds. I picked up a few movies and then headed to Toys R Us for a couch for Zoey for Christmas.  They were sold out :(

The next day (a year from the day that I had went into labor with Zoey), Zoey met her great-aunt Darlene and uncle Bob.  We hung out with Aunt Fefe that day, had some Roadhouse for dinner, then headed home with the whole back end of our Navigator filled with clothes and toys Aunt Fefe was sending home with us.

The next day, Zoey and I headed out Christmas shopping in Kville with my family.  We were exhausted from being on the go so much that week.  I could barely move.  To make matters worse, Zoey's cough got worse. Still, it was great to go shopping with my parents...my dad enjoys it so much! By the next morning, Zoey sounded awful and we decided to keep her in.  I hated missing church 2 Sundays in a row but I didn't want her to get worse and hated that she had been out the day before without me knowing that she was getting sick.  It was sad to see my lil girl sick on her very first BIRTHDAY.  But I better leave that to the next post : )

The Heart Of An Infertile

Almost 28 weeks later, here I am pregnant with a little girl who I just adore even though I only know her through her kicks and her presence. But I truly would give my life to make sure she is ok. So much has changed. I feel so different in many ways. I am planning for something that I have Prayed about for many years. I am getting to do all the things I thought I'd never get to do. But in many ways, I am still the infertile who's heart hurts.

If I never get to have another child, I will still feel blessed. I Pray I get the opportunity to, but to be able to go through this once is such a miracle to me. I have enjoyed every moment, even those that are not so good and not so pleasant. Is it crazy that I can be out in town and hear a baby crying and still tear up? I did that before I got pregnant. It hurt my heart to hear that sound because I feared that I may never hear my own child cry. Is it crazy that when my best friend from college called the other day to tell me about her findings from her RE and was sobbing and broken hearted, that I, too, broke down just as though it were happening to me all over again? Is it crazy that when I kneel to Pray that all my infertile friends (all infertile folks actually) are some of the first to come to my mind? I don't think any of it is crazy personally. I always wondered if I would continue to harbor these feelings, and I have my answer... I do. I think it is God's purpose for me to carry the burden for infertility because I have been there.

I get asked all the time if I ever got so low that I didn't have a clue which way to turn. Definitely! All infertility is hard, but when you are so emotionally, financially, & physically drained from going through month after month of failed cycles that cost so much it is extremely difficult. When you are so exhausted with having to plan how to use your sick days in the most effective way, how to get off work to get to your RE 2 hours away and then get back to finish teaching, and how to have enough energy to do your normal activities.... that's when it gets hard. The hardest point is being too mentally and emotionally stable to even be yourself anymore. You can't go to your friend's baby showers, hold their children, hear them cry, listen to folks tell you that you don't understand because you don't have kids.... you know you are low.

But... in some way, God answers your Prayers. Not always does that mean you get pregnant, ask Elaine over at God's Faithfulness Through Infertility. But God does have His own plan for each of us. And it is much easier to talk about that plan when you are looking back than it is to talk about it when you are still wondering what it is. Do I know my total plan? No. Do I still have fears? Most definitely. I carry things in the back of my mind, especially due to my high risk status and issues. But I trust that God knows best. I Pray that He sees fit for this little girl to be born healthy and in His time. I Praise Him for this opportunity that to me is the greatest miracle aside from Salvation!

So to my infertile friends... please know that I have not forgotten you and God hasn't forgotten you! I don't know what's to come in each of your lives, but I Pray that it is what your heart desires. I Pray for each of you all the time and I love you dearly though I've never met most of you. Know that I still grieve with you and I still feel the pain of infertility as I did 7 months ago. You are in my Prayers daily and I am rooting for each of you!

Dancing Zoey

So what's been going on with me lately? A dancing Zoey girl! Zoey has been moving since the day after my last appointment. She has been moving quite a bit most days. She moves quite a bit in Church during the sermons. It's hilarious. She enjoys any sugar I consume, no matter how small. I love feeling her move. It is so awesome and so amazing. I love her so much and I have never even held her yet! Amazing that you can feel that way isn't it? God is so good and so amazing to design things to work the way that they do!

I have thought about purchasing a doppler since I first found out I was pregnant so I took the advice of a dear blog friend and was blessed enough to set up the rental of a free doppler from Tiny Heartbeats. You can click on the title of the organization Tiny Heartbeats to read about it. It is an awesome organization that rents dopplers for free to anyone who has experienced "fetal miscarriage, fetal demise, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirths, lost a child to complications from pregnancy, or those women in high risk pregnancies." I sent in my liability wavier and my doctor faxed in the prescription last week. Dana, the founder of Tiny Heartbeats, said that she should be able to send one out this week. I'm excited! I can't wait to hear Zoey's hearbeat daily and to be able to share it with my family that can't go to the doctor with me (namely my dad and often times my hubby).

I haven't shared a lot of pregnancy symptoms so I figured I would back track a bit here and list them for myself mainly:

Very 1st symptoms: EXHAUSTION, major heartburn, tingly boobs, shortly after I found out I had a lovely battle with a bum bump (we know what I'm talking about) lol, major trapped gas issues... so severe I woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain... and I ended up with a UTI.

The heartburn went away but since I hit my 2nd trimester, it has shown back up. It flares up pretty often now. I also have had a hard time sleeping since about week 14 because I can only sleep on my left or right side. This gets harder with each passing week. I am already having a hard time getting up and down when laying on my parent's couch that I sink down into haha I have a baby belly... showing quite a bit. I'm making use of my maternity capris though I can still fit into elastic waisted pants from prepregnancy... though they are fitted.

In my current month, month 6, I am still feeling the heartburn. My feet and legs swell when I am on them too much at work. I've managed to get a blister back in my throat again (had one back at 19.5 weeks). I am on my second round of antibiotics... this time a Zpak and an antifungal called Nystatin. It doesn't seem to be clearing it up. I try to gargle saltwater daily and that seems to be helping more than anything. I have also had some sinus issues and bleeds in the past day or so.

Hmm... I think I mentioned it all. I had a great weekend with my parents and brother. Mike went out of town to his parent's house to get boxes and the trailer to help us move in a few weeks. He also picked up our lawnmower that we bought from my aunt. I stayed with my parents because I don't need to be 5 hours away from my doctors ... I'm already almost 2 hours away. My parents, brother, and I went to Pigeon Forge (which is closer to my doctor than we are here at home) and shopped at the outlets. We got Zoey some summer dresses, hats, and baby Crocs for next summer. I had a great time. I also enjoyed church this weekend and our Labor Day weekend sermon's and missionary speaking.

I go back to my doctor Wednesday. Pray that Zoey D. is still doing well. Please continue to Pray for the health of Zoey and I both as we are exposed to numerous sicknesses at my workplace. I stay nervous daily with all that's going around and especially with the outbreak of the Swine Flu which keeps getting closer and closer to us. Pray for a hedge of protection around us and our family so that we can get this baby here healthy! Much love and many Prayers to each of you with your situations!

THANK YOU FATHER FOR YOUR WONDERFUL BLESSINGS!

18.5 Week Update & It's A .....

Hello all:

I have the hardest time making myself sit down to write about my appointments anymore. I always try to be so detailed for you guys (and mainly for me so that I'll remember all this in the future). I get to where I really have to push myself to type all this out. I am certainly glad I do though because I have so many local friends who are also going through infertility that ask me questions and I have to get on here and look up to see the information that I remembered at some point and what happened with it. It is a very handy tool for me as well as the most awesome way to keep up with my blog friends (all of you guys)!

So... I went to the doctor on Wednesday. I, for once, was nervous but not overly nervous like I usually am. I didn't have to wait long and I got the ultrasound tech that I just love. She is so sweet and so informative. She explains everything to me. She is also the tech who predicted that the baby was a girl right after all of that bleeding. Well, she told me again on Wednesday that she definitely is indeed a little girl. I am having a Zoey Danielle!

Zoey is a name that my momma and I heard at my brother's football game the night before my IF surgery. Of course I had heard it before but we just fell in love with it. It was brought up again a couple of months ago and it has stuck. This baby is a Zoey! The name means "LIFE" and that's just what she is to me, my life already : ) The middle name is Danielle which is in remembrance of my beloved, best friend Danielle Bowman. I have said from the start that when I got pregnant, I would use her name if I had a little girl. I Prayed at the beginning for God to let her be a part of this pregnancy and baby in some way and He has!

Would I have been disappointed with a little boy? NO, NO, NO! I would love either and would hope to one day have both. I have just yearned for a baby, no matter what it's gender was. But it is nice to be able to name the baby after Danielle. The name Danielle means "God is my judge" and that fits perfectly, too, because it is God who has judged this situation and decided to provide life to this little child and to this expectant momma. Praise the name of Jesus for this wonderful blessing! May this situation, this child, and this family bring honor to the name of God!

I did find out more than just the gender. The baby is growing well and measured up well. The genetic counselor came in during my ultrasound to aid in looking for markers for Downs Syndrome since my test came back at an increased risk. Some of the things they looked for were the kidney shape, the "sixth digit" which was making sure there were 3 bones in the pinkie finger, other organs and their shapes, and cysts on the brain. They thought that they possibly saw a cyst on the baby's brain but they were really unsure. I felt at peace the whole time because I truly feel that she is OK. The doctor came in and did a third ultrasound and confirmed that there was no cyst there and that it was normal! Praise God! The only thing they couldn't really see was the heart and they will scan it next time. So, be Praying that the heart is functioning well please : )

The genetic counselor realized in the middle of the scan that I had bled in the weeks prior to, and during the week of my Quad Screen. She said that the bleeding could have thrown the blood work off, too. The doctor confirmed that as well. He said it was the HCG levels that were off a bit and those were what would be affected by the bleeding. I had read this online when researching so I was familiar with what they were talking about. I hadn't been overly stressed either because God had given me a peace about the situation just hours after the phone call with the test results.

The blood clot was mostly gone. There was some blood left in the uterus and was just laying there. The doctor said that I could pass it or it could reabsorb. The membrane (water sac) had began to attach to the uterine wall but was still unattached just a bit. For this reason, I was kept on modified bed rest for another 2 weeks. Also, the placenta had moved out of the way! Praise God!

I do have a couple of pictures for you. These show the baby looking at us. None of my pictures have been as good as those from 14.5 weeks but we'll take them! No big deal to me. I just love seeing her. There was even one point where she covered her face with her hands as if she were saying, "Not more pictures!" Too funny because I am the picture queen! The tech tried to get a picture of the baby so that I would have proof she was a girl but she closed her legs right as she tried to capture the image and she wouldn't open them again. Oh well, at least she is modest. That means we are off to a good start : ) HAHA

Thanks be to God for giving me such great news at this appointment! I am so blessed to have gotten good news and I just praise my Heavenly Father's name for that! Thank You Father for this little girl who has already touched my life and the lives of so many. Continue to bless her in my womb and throughout her whole life. Use her life to glorify You! Strengthen me so that I am able to teach her all about You and Your perfect ways. I love you Jesus.

Here are the pictures of Zoey Danielle. Enjoy and remember that I am still Praying for each of you guys. I feel like God is moving in a lot of your situations even though I'm not sure how. He is good and I know that you guys know that because after what we've all been through, I can't imagine heading into such a dark tunnel of infertility without the light of Jesus guiding us through. I love you guys!