I'm A Copy Cat... April's Blog Posts... I love these!

Hi,

My blog friend April always has amazing posts. I've asked her and she's ok'd me being a copy cat and posting her entry. Keep in mind, this is from her page so she and the authors get all the credit. I just wanted to share it with my readers and offer you the opportunity to hop on over to her blog and follow it as well.

God bless!

Ps. Keep Praying for Elaine (surgery tomorrow), Beth and my best friend from college Misty who both miscarried this past week!

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Infertility: What Helps, What Doesn’t
Article by: Rosa


I couldn’t believe how much it hurt. Just that one word, staring up at me from the yellow paper I was to hand to the receptionist at the doctor’s office:


Infertility.

I was in for a routine asthma visit and when I was asked, “Is there any chance you’re pregnant?” I snorted and said, “I wish!” My doctor asked me to elaborate and I told him that we had been trying for 1½ years to get pregnant, but that my period had just started again. He looked at me and said, “You do know that trying for one year without pregnancy automatically earns you an infertility diagnosis, right?” I didn’t know, and for some reason, his unexpected words cut me like a knife.

So there I was, eighteen months of failed cycles, summed up into one neat little word: “Infertility”. Somehow that one word took all my hope and shredded it into bits. It made our hopeful trying suddenly become final and devastating. Without explanation, that one word, written at the top of my chart, wrapped up all my dreams and labeled them, “broken woman”.

For eighteen months I had not cried with each period that showed up. That day I cried. And cried and cried and cried. I cried for a day and then I called my OB’s office and set up an appointment with a fertility specialist. I was one of the lucky ones. Once I made the call, the ball got rolling pretty quickly as far as getting an official reason “why” and being presented with solutions. It would be another almost half year before we conceived.

During that time, I met many women through a blog I had started a few months earlier. These women were also experiencing infertility and some still are to this day. My friends and I have talked many times about the things that have gotten us through and the things that made our loss even greater.

Most of us agree, the non-stop obsessing where we are in our cycles is one of the worst things in the whole journey. Although we don’t want to stop tracking our temperature and cycle days and all the other things that come with trying to conceive a child, at the same time we become almost neurotic when analyzing every possible thing there is to analyze.

We actually find some relief from this obsession at the beginning of every cycle. Once AF (Aunt Flo) shows up and we get over the initial devastation of no pregnancy yet again, we find almost a relief that for one to two weeks, there is nothing to analyze and think over. Then, we hit mid-cycle and we begin the process of temping and recording and charting and graphing.

We use programs like Fertility Friend and we overlay our charts and compare last month’s chart to the current month. We check every ovulation sign there is to check and wonder, Am I ovulating? We pee on ovulation predictor sticks and squint our eyes to see, Is that a second line or not? We wonder, Should I have tested this morning or would it show up better this evening? Then we begin to try to figure out, Would it be better to have sex today or should we wait a day or two and hope hubby’s sperm is better a day or two out in case my ovulation is more noticeable then?” In doing all these things we lose the wonder of spontaneous love making with our husbands and can barely talk to our co-workers because we are turning these things over and over again in our minds.

Once the big “Ovulation” has occurred, next comes the possible-pregnancy-symptom torture: Were my breasts this tender last month? Is that nausea I’m feeling? I think I’m more tired than usual. It’s only five days past ovulation… I wonder if I could test yet?

And then, with that, comes that horrible addiction of peeing on a stick. Stick after stick after stick. By the time we’ve peed on all the home pregnancy tests that cycle, we could probably have bought a new Coach purse with the money we spent on the HPT’s. There is no avoiding this craziness, but most agree, it usually hurts the process instead of helps it.

As if we aren’t are own worst enemies during this time, there are all the comments from other people who know we’re trying. Probably the most hated comment that any infertile woman hates is, “Just relax and quit thinking about it. It’ll happen. Stressing is probably keeping you from becoming pregnant.” There really are no words that address how idiotic and hurtful comments like this are for a woman of infertility. Whether she is still trying the old fashioned way or her and her husband are now in the middle of IVF, there is no possible way to “Quit thinking about it,” and try as one might, even when taking a break for a cycle or two, you are still always wondering, Is this the month for us?

Sally has shared that people telling her she doesn’t have enough faith has hurt her deeply as well. “Just because I have not gotten the most precious gift in the world does not mean I am without faith!” she states with passion. This is so unfair for people to say. It’s as if a woman also has to go through being judged for her spiritual condition in addition to not getting pregnant.

“You’re young. Don’t worry about it,” is another thing that hurts a woman longing for a baby. Both Anna and Jeni agree on this. Being young has nothing to do with whether or not infertility does or does not hurt a woman’s heart. In fact, being young sometimes makes the infertility hurt and raise up a fear factor: “If I’m struggling to get pregnant when I’m supposed to be in my peak years, what does this mean for me when I hit the years when pregnancy becomes harder and riskier?”

Anna also spoke of her hurt within the infertility community when women who had been struggling with infertility for several years invalidated her pain because she had been struggling for a much shorter time. “I can understand how years of this can wear down a woman,” Anna said. “However, just because I’m not in my third or sixth year of this, doesn’t mean that every failed cycle shouldn’t hurt my heart. I should get permission to hurt just as much as any other woman, no matter how long I’ve been trying in relation to their journey.”

All women experiencing infertility agree on the utter frustration and even anger when they people tell them that them not getting pregnant might mean they aren’t supposed to have children. Then why do I have a mom’s heart? a woman wonders when hearing this.

And what about the people who have kids and tell a woman who can’t have children how “lucky she is and she should count her blessings because kids are a lot of hard work!” That is just an infuriating thing to hear when unable to get pregnant. Why people think that makes us feel better is beyond us. It not only makes us feel worse, it makes us wonder why people who are so annoyed and resentful of their kids got the chance at having them and we, who would love being moms, don’t! (By the way, my baby girl is a lot of work but I would never, in a million years, even on the worst day, go back to infertility instead of having her!)

People aren’t the only ones to hurt us. We hurt ourselves. Jeni and I talked about how we have walked the baby sections of stores, shopping and daydreaming, knowing our hearts would only hurt worse afterward. Yet, despite this knowledge, we did it anyways. We didn’t know how not to go there.

“I go one step further,” Jeni shared. “I go on YouTube and watch pregnancy announcements. That really hurts my heart. I need a life.” She says this with a laugh and a tear, all rolled up into one.

All that being said, there are some things that we have all found that have helped us immensely on this journey.

Many of the women, being religious, have found Bible promises to be especially comforting during this time. Promises such as “God is making all things work together for a better purpose in the end,” and “God helps us carry our sorrows,” are clung to with a desperate tenacity that help carry us through each cycle. Without my faith that God was up to something bigger and with more eternal purpose, I wouldn’t have made it through our time.

Many agree that building a support network of trusted friends is crucial. Not friends who will throw clichés and hurtful comments your way, but friends who will cry with you. Friends who know that a Starbucks venti latte or a Cosmopolitan is the perfect thing the day AF shows up, because up until then, you were abstaining in case this was the month. Friends, like I had, who on mother’s day, honor your mom’s heart, even if your arms are still empty.

There are online support groups these days via forums and blog rings. I will never forget the day I got online, started my blog, and joined infertility blog rings. I found more instant support and friends through those rings than I did for any of the other causes and issues that I had joined blog rings for. There is a camaraderie among women going through this, and having each other to get through the highs and lows cannot be underestimated.

Sometimes, some people just say the right things to us in our journey and we will forever be grateful to those people. I found the most helpful things that people said to me were simply the words, “I can’t comprehend what you’re going through. I wish I could make it better but I can’t. But I am praying for you.” That’s all I needed. I didn’t need solutions or advice. I just needed a hug and a, “I’m sorry for your pain. I’ll be praying.”

Sally said that the sweetest thing she ever heard was, “God is holding your baby in heaven for you for just the right and perfect time.” That was a visual picture that has been sustaining her through her cycles.

Infertility is one of the most painful things a woman will ever go through — the most painful for some. We can’t always avoid the things that hurt us along the way, but we can seek out the things that help us along the way. May heaven grant to each of us the joy of holding our precious miracles that are, even now, waiting in heaven for the perfect time to find their way into our arms.

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Child of Promise
by Stephanie Garcia

Child of Promise,
Awaited with love.
Prayers softly spoken
To our Father above.

Child of Patience,
We long for you still.
Prayers yet unanswered,
As we rest in His will.

Child of Potential,
Your path is unknown.
Prayers for your future,
Known by Jesus alone.

Child of Promise,
We'll cherish the day...
Prayers finally fulfilled,
In our arms you will stay.

An Unborn Child's Conversation With God

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth
tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and
helpless?"

God said,
"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired,
"But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing
and smile to be happy."

God said,
"Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.



And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked,
"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me
if I don't know the language?"

God said,
"Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you
will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will

teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said,
"Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how
to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said,
"Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said,
"Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the
way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from
Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to
leave now, please tell me my angel's name."



God said,
"You will simply call her, "Mom."


Source: Myspace Bulletin

Poem That I Came Across... “Thoughts on Becoming a Mother”

I found this poem on someone's myspace blog entry. They had read it somewhere and didn't cite the author. For those of you who haven't had infertility struggles, please don't take offense to some of what it says. It isn't intended for that. I'm assuming that the author was as hurt and frustrated as some of us have been when she wrote this. I really think that she just feels as though she will have a deeper appreciation since she has struggled then she would have had if it had have came more easily. But isn't it always that way in life?

God Bless!

“Thoughts on Becoming a Mother”

There are women that become mothers without effort,

without thought, without patience or loss

and though they are good mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation

are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my little child.

I will take time to watch her sleep, explore and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of her cry,

knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed her

and not waking to a cry of broken dream, for my DREAM will be crying for me.

I consider myself lucky in this sense;

that God has given me insight, this special vision

with which I will look upon her unlike any one else.

I will NOT be careless of my LOVE.

I have been trialed by fire and hell that others may have faced,

yet given time, and 9 months, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

When I see others hurt around me,

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better,

I can make it less lonely.

I have learned that immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,

of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth

and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate my life.

....YES! I will Be a Wonderful Mother...

-------------AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Catching you up... Childless

Good Morning All:

I can honestly say that after much soul searching this morning, and its been a rather rough morning I might add, I have produced the following poem. I didn't mean to write something, but those of you who are natural born writers will attest that it is sometimes at the most heightened or most lowly moments that we produce work because that's when the emotion is the greatest. For me, I just have to vent and this is one of my methods. I don't do it as much as I use to but when I have to write, I really must do it right then.

Those of you who read this post that have not struggled with infertility like me and so many of my wonderful friends may think that this is a moment of weakness for me. On the contrary, it is a moment of strong faith. It is faith that God is going to accomplish His will in my situation whatever that may be and whatever that may involve. And I have realized this morning that it may not be what I want. I may never be a mother. But I know that God is good and He has big plans for my existence here on earth. I give Him all the glory in this storm because this is truly a test of faith.

I ask for your continued Prayer in this situation and for me and my emotional health in regards to all of this. Feel free to comment if you have something good to say. And if you don't, just don't tell me. I need encouragement and I am taking a Godly stance on saying that I will accept nothing but encouragement from this point on.



Childless

Tears upon a page,
Heartaches that no one understands.
Pain that radiates through my entire being.
Childless.

I put on a facade.
Things are all ok,
and a lot of times they are,
until I realize that I am
Childless.

Folks mean well,
They give me there thoughts and advice,
I smile as I realize they have no idea
what it feels like to be
Childless.

And I fear that I am all alone in this war,
the battle continues to rage.
I fall down,
I am scared.
I am weary and weak.
I am childless.

I pull up off the ground,
My knees bloody and scraped.
As I kneel, I lift my eyes.
In the distance I see purple.
Royalty is heading my way.
But why me?
I am just a servant girl.
He knows I am childless

He appears and reaches down.
He is beautiful and altogether lovely.
I reach for His hand but instead
He scoops me up into His arms,
He says, "Be not weary my child. I am with you."
And I know that He is,
even though I am still childless.

Catching you up... Seasons of Life Poetry... The Essence of New Life

I found a poetry book that my friend Jennifer Helton-Richmond and I created in our Children's Literature class in college. These are poems that we had written from our youth through our early 20's. Some of mine really show the development of self esteem and self concept in action because I was developing mine while writing them. I can't imagine how I felt when I wrote some of them and then again with others, I can remember every single feeling. Anyway.... I will share some of these off and on over the next few weeks with you guys. Please keep in mind, if some of these poems are sort of gloomy, remember I was a young girl and had had a few broken hearts along with the dreariness of learning to be a teenager and then a young woman. The coolest part about finding these is the fact that I can read them now and see exactly how much I have grown as a writer and as a woman. I love our poetry book because it is entitled "Seasons of Life" and it contains poems from childhood up through adulthood. Jen and I even matched the font to the ages group of each poem and laid out the whole thing in the timeline of a life using seasons of the year. It was beautiful when it was finished and bound and we received an A, which the professor had warned, would be really hard to get if we opted for a project over our final exam. Anyway, here's the first one I will share and it's mainly because it was amazing to me when I read it. I was dreaming of creating and raising a child with my husband even before we were man and wife. I was already looking deep into the future and thinking about our children. Enjoy!

The Essence of New Life

The cries of a newborn child ring in my head.

How I want a love like that.

I want to reach into the depths of my soul,

And intertwine that with yours.

I want to hear this beautiful sound in a short increment of time.

The thrill of creating,

That is an honor in itself.

The essence of discovering.

What a wonderful moment.

Informing the world.

Yes world here we are together

The magical months that are too often taken for granted.

The bittersweet pains,

The climax,

The release.

And there you’ll be.

Fresh and new in my arms.

A product of an unbinding love.

A small, yet bright, glow to light up a future life.

And I’ll look into your big eyes,

Such innocence,

And Pray for the future

That God has sculpted out for you.

Pray that he blesses you as much as he has blessed me.

Pray that you, this small being,

Can make a positive impact on a darkened and dull world.

My child, I Pray that someday you’ll know the love I feel right now.

ORIGINALLY POSTED FEB. 20, 2008