Lately

Just wanted all my faithfuls to know I am still around. Believe or not, I've been hard at work n the NICU post in the last few days. It takes me forever but In the end it's worth it because I have a permanent record to look back on. I couldn't count the number of times I have looked up specfics from my infertility treatments for friends. It is really handy.

Anyway, it has been really busy. We were in Nashville a few weeks ago and then my mom had surgery and I spent a lot of time at her house helping out. We still have a couple more busy weekends ahead. My dad and I spent quite a bit of time last weekend working on my pool. Talk about a job! We basically gutted it and statrednfrom scratch. The water was green so we drained it and sucked up the remainder of the algae with a shop vac. Then I cleaned the floor with a squeegee and then a towel. We began refillng which totally finished early this morning (after stopping it for awhile). We also had to clean the sand filter totally out and put new sand in. I will add chemicals next. We have decided to go with Baquacil and we have heard great things about it. Still have some cleanup atone the deck but it's getting there.

School is now out and I am looking forward to spending time with my Zoey girl. I can't wait for her first trip to the beach. She will love it. I've got all her stuff bought up but I haven't even started on myself. Haha

Miss Zoey has had a busy week as well including meeting all my coworkers for the first time. That was alot of fun and interesting. She has travlled a lot with me this week as I have attempted to run errands.

Up next is the NICU post and Zoey's five month post. Hopefully I'll post those this week. Until then.... Have a great weekend!

Warning!!!! Post Op Update... Including Pics.... Not For The Squimish!

Today I went to see my doctor for my post op visit. I was suppose to go on Thursday but since she will be assisting another doctor in surgery, they called and rescheduled me for today. I was there at 9am and went back at about 9:30. The first thing that she did was show me my pictures. WOW! How interesting! My husband was a little bit nervous about looking at pictures of my insides but he realized that my mom was right when she said that it was definitely not blood and gore. It is actually pretty cool. How many women can say that they know what their ovaries, tubes, and uterus looks like? Only those of us who have had laproscopic surgery to find out. What a bond we share girls!

So.... the doctor first pointed out my uterus. She compared it to a photo of a normal uterus. My uterus (when the picture is taken from the inside) looks like a tube whereas those of you with a normal uterus would show up as a triangle. I asked if she had seen a lot of women with my condition and she said yes and that they had had children. Encouraging! She also told me again that most women do not even know until they go into labor early and the baby is breech.

She then pointed out a bit of scar tissue on my bowel (which had nothing to do with all this except for the fact that it was in the way) and on my tube. I stiffened up a bit when she pointed the scarring on my tube but it was nothing major and was not located near the fingers of the tube which could damage them so severely that the only route would be In vitro (right Kim?) She then pointed out that my left tube (the one I need to get pregnant off of) had 2 cysts that she removed. She said that when the cysts get larger, they weigh the tube down and cause it to pull away from the ovary. So she fixed that as well. Lastly, she pointed out the endometriosis on my right and left ovary. There wasn't much there at all but she removed it because any of it can cause problems when trying to get pregnant.

Lastly, we walked back to the front lab area and discussed meds for the next cycles (hopefully only 1). She told me that she wanted me pregnant in the next 6 months before the endometriosis could return and that in order to do that we needed to make sure my left ovary was producing eggs each month. So we will start out with the Femara that I had been taking to see what happens. If that doesn't work she said that we would move straight back to the Clomid (I was unmonitored on it before when I was at Corbin so I have no idea if I ovulated or not), and finally if I am still having issues with getting my left side to produce eggs, we would move to injectibles. She told me that the rate of twins would be 25% with the injectibles and that she really wanted me to have a singleton (1 baby) but if we had to go that route to get pregnant, we would. She doesn't want me to have to deal with the endometriosis slowing me down or stopping me from conceiving.

So..... I am sort of excited..... a bit nervous.... and very ready to get this show on the road. This month when I see red I will be beyond excited to start trying again. Though I have enjoyed taking this cycle off to find out what I needed to know and to be able to have tests run on my kidney and take meds for this crazy cold (finally!), I am ready to get back on track.

Speaking of my kidneys... I did find out Monday, via ultrasound, that I do indeed have 2. That's wonderful! We still have to check their function to ensure that they are working correctly but my doctor here at home thinks that it will turn out fine because of my prior blood work results over the past year. I have to have a CT scan done on Wed. November 19 to check that out.

I think that's about it besides these lovely pictures I am revealing HAHA! Please continue to Pray for me. Pray for these needs:

1. God will send me a child/children when He sees fit. He knows the right month and He isn't on the time frame that we are.
2. Continue to Pray for my mental well being.... it is still a daily struggle.... a cross that I bear daily to live in the life among children and pregnant folks that I love so dearly and to not be able to join them or provide them someone to play with yet.
3. That God will let me find out about my kidneys and that everything will turn out ok.
4. Continue Praying for my dear friend Beth. And add another friend who's name I won't mention to your list. She is facing a very difficult battle that goes beyond infertility.

P.s. Congrats to one of my Besties Ms. Kimmy.... AKA Kim (that I work with). She found out this morning that she is having a baby boy. I am sure Lucas will love that. He'll have a partner in crime!

Now for the Pics:
(I hope you can see her handwriting. She made notes as to all the things I talked about above. You can click the pics to make them larger.)

This first set of pics shows my bowl scar, the left and only side of my uterus, and endometriosis on my right ovary.

The second set of pics show the small amount of scar tissue on my tube, the 2 cysts on my tube and the end of my tube. They also show the endometriosis on my left ovary and the blue stuff at the bottom of the tube in the last shot shows that my left tube is indeed open. Praise God for that!

This last set of pics show the view from inside my uterus. Notice the tube like look.

So What Am I Feeling?

Well...... let's see.... what am I feeling? I have had mixed emotions since I found this out on Friday. I am first and foremost so thankful to God that I can still get pregnant and have a baby. I know that my journey will continue to be difficult but I am thankful for it nonetheless.

I did have a "Freak Out" moment last night. It was from reading the statistics on the internet. And there are some good statistics.... but I was focusing on the bad ones. I was so stressed that I left my apartment and drove around for about 10 minutes (and I wasn't suppose to drive until today). I just needed to let it all out.

Today, I have been reading about some other's who have been through what I am going through and I decided in my heart that since God chose this path for me, He will definitely see me through to the end with it. I just get so overwhelmed thinking about my small window of opportunity and my high risk pregnancy. But God is bigger than those things.

I am still grieving for my dear friend Beth who has faced what I have been worrying about having to face eventually, a miscarriage. Beth is such a sweet person and has been one of my TTC Cheerleaders for awhile now. I Pray that God will help her with this journey. I ask that you Pray for her as well.

In the meantime check out these two blogs. They deal with two girls who have a UU just like me. Look for the belly pics on the second one. It is really interesting to me because when I get pregnant, that's what my belly will look like.

Gas Passer aka UUer : A nurse anesthetist who is actually in labor now with her first baby carried in a UU.

What a Journey for Baby : A sweet lady who went through 5 miscarriages before getting to have her first child. The miscarriages were not from the UU.

P.s. Keep Praying for me. I want to have a baby soon if it is God's will.

God is still Faithful!

Psalm 46 (King James Version)

1God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

4There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

5God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

6The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

7The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

8Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

9He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

Hi guys,

I am still a little bit out of it but I wanted to share what I do know with you all. Yesterday's surgery went well. I didn't even have issues with the gasses that they pump into you like I did last time! The doctor made 2 discoveries that were out of the ordinary.

1: I have a Unicornuate Uterus. This means that my uterus is smaller than most and that it is only attached to my right fallopian tube. The doctor said that I would still be able to get pregnant on my own but that it would take longer and that I would have to have a C-section about a month early because the baby would run out of room.

2: The doctor found a vessel that is suppose to be under my ureter and it wasn't. This led her to think that I may have only one kidney. I have to get this looked into also.

I am scared but God is good. I've been reading stories online about the Unicornuate Uterus and I am so Praying that God will still bless me with a child. Since I only have 1 tube connecting to my uterus, that means I can only get pregnant when that tube sends out the egg. And... I still have my PCOS.

God knew what He was doing 27 years ago. He created me this way for a reason. Though it seems strange to me because there's only like a 1 in 4,000 chance of having this, He has a plan. It does scare me to think of waiting a lifetime to have a child. The chances of miscarriage according to the net are like 38%. But He knew what He was doing then and He knows what He's doing now. I praise Him for this!

Prayer needs:

1. Pray that I heal quickly and am back to myself soon.
2. Pray blessings for those at the hospital who were so kind to me yesterday.
3. Pray blessings upon my precious family who were so good to me yesterday and always.
4. Pray that despite all these issues, God would be preparing my precious child even now to make it's entrance into my life.
5. Pray that we can find out all about my kidney when I'm up to it.


Thanks and love to all!

Ps. My doctor is suppose to give me a call and let me know the ins and outs of all this. I'll update when I find out.