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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Catching you up... Childless

Good Morning All:

I can honestly say that after much soul searching this morning, and its been a rather rough morning I might add, I have produced the following poem. I didn't mean to write something, but those of you who are natural born writers will attest that it is sometimes at the most heightened or most lowly moments that we produce work because that's when the emotion is the greatest. For me, I just have to vent and this is one of my methods. I don't do it as much as I use to but when I have to write, I really must do it right then.

Those of you who read this post that have not struggled with infertility like me and so many of my wonderful friends may think that this is a moment of weakness for me. On the contrary, it is a moment of strong faith. It is faith that God is going to accomplish His will in my situation whatever that may be and whatever that may involve. And I have realized this morning that it may not be what I want. I may never be a mother. But I know that God is good and He has big plans for my existence here on earth. I give Him all the glory in this storm because this is truly a test of faith.

I ask for your continued Prayer in this situation and for me and my emotional health in regards to all of this. Feel free to comment if you have something good to say. And if you don't, just don't tell me. I need encouragement and I am taking a Godly stance on saying that I will accept nothing but encouragement from this point on.



Childless

Tears upon a page,
Heartaches that no one understands.
Pain that radiates through my entire being.
Childless.

I put on a facade.
Things are all ok,
and a lot of times they are,
until I realize that I am
Childless.

Folks mean well,
They give me there thoughts and advice,
I smile as I realize they have no idea
what it feels like to be
Childless.

And I fear that I am all alone in this war,
the battle continues to rage.
I fall down,
I am scared.
I am weary and weak.
I am childless.

I pull up off the ground,
My knees bloody and scraped.
As I kneel, I lift my eyes.
In the distance I see purple.
Royalty is heading my way.
But why me?
I am just a servant girl.
He knows I am childless

He appears and reaches down.
He is beautiful and altogether lovely.
I reach for His hand but instead
He scoops me up into His arms,
He says, "Be not weary my child. I am with you."
And I know that He is,
even though I am still childless.

1 Remarks:

jen

Aleisha,

I am new to your blog today. I was looking for a Christian Infertility blog because I have read a few others but none that have great faith. The Lord led me to your blog today for a reason. Bless you for sharing your struggle and this incredible poem. I am starting infertility testing now and just today went to have 6 vials of blood taken for a work up. Next week I will have to have further tests as will my husband. I am 38 years old and married just over a year. We have been trying for 9 months and it hurts. But I know the Lord is with me "even though I am still childless" Bless you, Bless you, Bless you!