God's Delays Are Not God's Denials

Well.... a friend of mine at work told my mom that she remembered this saying (in the title above) from years ago. She had heard a preacher say it and she said it just stuck with her. Well... I'm claiming this promise today because I have had a slight delay. Today I woke up feeling like I was going to be sick and with some cramps. At around 11:30 (after a busy, busy morning including tons of extra work that I was handed) I started my period. I just stared at the toilet paper for a minute or two and said oh, oh. I was upset but I had to put on a facade because I'm dealing with 100 kids a day at work that can tell when you've been crying. I did pretty well for the most part. I told those who were waiting to find out with me in a nonchalant way and kept saying it's ok, it's ok.

Then my doctor called back after hearing my message and gave me instructions on what to do this month. Well.... actually her nurse called. I will be doing the exact same thing as last month but this month they were going to do my ultrasound on cycle day 16. Well, if you know me you know that I am a control freak. I started worrying that I may ovulate before that day (because you just never know, right? especially if your cycles are unpredictable). So I decided I'd just try a little early in case. Well the more I thought about it, the more I started stressing and my mom was like, "Just call and ask the doctor." So I did. Her receptionist called me back and then I explained it all to her and she had the doctor call me back. The doctor said that I could come on day 14 instead to be safe if I wanted and that she was just thinking that I ovulate late. And I just might, but in case I'd like to be sure that I don't miss it. She also said that if my eggs aren't big enough (here's a Prayer request guys!!!!) that I'll have to miss work and drive 2 hours back to her office again 2 days later. I hate missing so much work but if I have to I have to. (Plus my mom has to have a test run on the day before so I'll be missing 2 days because if they find that she still has part of the kidney stone that she passed still in her, they will have to take her straight into surgery.)

The doctor also mentioned for me to consider doing IUI this month, but I think I'm gonna ask her if I can try regularly for one more month because my husband is just starting a new job about an hour and a half away from where we live (3+ hours from the doctor) and I can't ask him to ask for a day off his second week. May I ask, why does everything hit all at once? I'm sure many of you wonder that yourselves.

Anyway, do you think I made the right decisions? I am Praying for God to help me and to carry me through this experience. It's so hard. There is a lady at work who is just about ready to have her baby and I am so excited for her because she had unexplained infertility for years and just ended up pregnant last year out of the blue. With that said, it is still hard. I passed her today after seeing red and I had to walk into the bathroom because I started crying. It's not that I am not excited for her, I just want to join her. I want to feel excited knowing that I am carrying my very own child. I love my husband and I would so very much like to experience this with him.

My husband has been so sweet about it today. He has listened to me talk and cry so much and he keeps telling me that maybe God is preventing me from going through something worse, like a miscarriage or something. He says that God sees the perfect time and that it will happen for us. That's really true. I know God is delaying this for some reason. I know that I am a faithful Christian who really tries to do the right thing every day. I'm not perfect by any means, but I strive to be like Jesus. I just Pray that God's will will be accomplished in my life. I'm not mad at Him today and I am still thankful for this thorn in my side that draws me closer to Him. And maybe that's just it, maybe He knows that I need to draw even closer and that's why He hasn't removed it yet.

God, I know your will is perfect and without blemish. I Pray for it's presence in my life. I Pray that Your hands would be upon my womb and that You would just open it at the exact right moment. Lord, You know why I want a child. You know that I want to teach it all about You and to point to You throughout his/her whole life. Lord, I am faithful and I have been my entire life. I am trying to be what you want me to be. Lord Your Word says to give reasons as to why our Prayers should be answered, and these are my reasons. Lastly, Lord I want to give my parents a precious grandchild that their hearts just long for. I want my children to be able to be influenced by them as much as I was growing up. I thank You Lord for Your presence and guidance in my life and the lives of my family. Please just help me to overcome infertility and to continue to overcome this world.

In Your Precious and Holiest Name I Pray,
Amen.