Stats

Just wanted to quickly post an invite to my friend Beth's infertility blog so that you can read the stats of infertility, miscarriages, etc. Very interesting!

Poem That I Came Across... “Thoughts on Becoming a Mother”

I found this poem on someone's myspace blog entry. They had read it somewhere and didn't cite the author. For those of you who haven't had infertility struggles, please don't take offense to some of what it says. It isn't intended for that. I'm assuming that the author was as hurt and frustrated as some of us have been when she wrote this. I really think that she just feels as though she will have a deeper appreciation since she has struggled then she would have had if it had have came more easily. But isn't it always that way in life?

God Bless!

“Thoughts on Becoming a Mother”

There are women that become mothers without effort,

without thought, without patience or loss

and though they are good mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation

are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my little child.

I will take time to watch her sleep, explore and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of her cry,

knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed her

and not waking to a cry of broken dream, for my DREAM will be crying for me.

I consider myself lucky in this sense;

that God has given me insight, this special vision

with which I will look upon her unlike any one else.

I will NOT be careless of my LOVE.

I have been trialed by fire and hell that others may have faced,

yet given time, and 9 months, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

When I see others hurt around me,

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better,

I can make it less lonely.

I have learned that immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,

of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth

and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate my life.

....YES! I will Be a Wonderful Mother...

-------------AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Quick Update

So my friend Deanna and I talked the other day and she was encouraging me to go see her fertility doctor. She said that she really likes her and that her office visits are covered by our insurance. That's a big deal to me. So anyway, I called my doctor and she told me to go ahead and call to schedule an apt. She also said that we would take a break from the Clomid. So I called and made an apt for July 31st at 3pm with Dr. Gayla Harris in Knoxville, TN. But I have to say... I hope I end up pregnant this month so that I don't even have to go. Just Pray for me. And... I love u guys....

I'm Back

After a long, relaxing week at Myrtle Beach, I'm back to my infertility struggle. I feel a lot better than I felt before I left. I was stressing so much about remembering to get my Clomid from the pharmacy and about company coming in after we get back (during our time to "try"). I really enjoyed my trip and I pray that I can continue to relax and rest my mind from the pain of infertility.
I often stood on the beach at night with my husband this week and Prayed for God to work a miracle through me. My husband would be busy catching fish and baby crabs when the tide would rush in and I would be standing there in the dark with tears rolling down my face Praying. I talked to God about how amazing He is to have created something so awesome with so many hidden mysteries as the ocean. I also remembered the story of the Lord parting the waters of the Red Sea so that His people could go through. When you stand and look at that much water, that story seems a thousand times more amazing. And I began to wonder, why am I going through this when my God can do these amazingly huge miracles. It wouldn't take much for me to become pregnant. I'm just a simple person in this whole, big world. Yet, I'm not.
Yes, most of the time I am on here upset. I thank God that I'm not today. I didn't get a positive test last weekend and I am just now gearing up for this next cycle but for some reason I am happy in my soul. God has given me joy and contentment in this last week. I praise Him for that. I know that I'll have low days and struggles in the days ahead but I also believe that God has destined me to this path for a reason. It isn't easy but it's my road and I must walk it with grace and the desire to point to Him at any cost. I just Pray I can do it justice.
I can't wait to get pregnant. I truly can't. But until I get that positive, I Pray that God will continue to carry me and speak sweet peace to my soul so that I can walk this path. I Pray this for all my friends struggling with infertility. Actually, I Pray this for anyone out there struggling with it. Lord, just help us to deal.

Nope

This wasn't my month. I was a day late, but I started bright and early this morning. The good news is that I know when I ovulated because it was exactly 2 weeks ago and getting my period this morning proves it! I have been looking around a some of my friends pictures and news on myspace and I am very excited for them. But, I can't lie... I'm hurt for me. Things will get better, I know. On a good note, I am leaving for the beach tonite, well actually early tomorrow morning. If you don't hear from me, I'll post when I get back home. In the meantime, those of you who read this blog please Pray especially hard for all those trying to have a child. I know that they are feeling as hurt as I am. Pray for God's will to be upon each of us and for Him to give us grace to use this experience to glorify Him. Also, Pray for us as we travel this week and for my father who will be staying here. Love to u all!

Ps. I bet some of you have had some odd pregnancy symptoms... List them in a comment here so I'll have something to read when I get back.

Hoping this is my month...

So I am on day 27 of my cycle today. This time last month I had started on day 27. I really hope that this is my month and that I don't start. And I have a feeling that maybe it is.... but my husband says that I always have that feeling...haha I know that I have had probably double the people Praying this month and I did get my disability (maternity) insurance in order so that I can qualify for a pay raise on it starting July 1st. Maybe those two things are giving me that good feeling. It kinda just came together about that insurance, too. I had already signed off for it to increase on Sept. 1 but I found out that sometimes they will do it sooner so it kept coming to me to call and ask Jeff and he said we could start it July 1st. Maybe its a coincidence or maybe it really is God's month for me. The only thing is, other than that feeling I have no symptoms. I mean there's a few things that I have noticed but I don't know if I am just relating them to that without realizing it or not, such as having to pee all the time and having a backache. Oh well.... just Pray for me guys.