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Thursday, April 2, 2009

And again ... Nope

Today was the beginning of new life for little Jacob Ryan, my friend Kim's little boy. I was so excited for her and sad for me. I was hoping I'd find out I was pregnant and be able to call and tell her that. My other good friend who is pregnant (Deanna) was also upset that this wasn't it. She told me last night that she still didn't feel right because we have been in this whole infertility battle for so long together and I'm still not pregnant. What would we do without friends? Oh how I'd love to have this baby stuff in common with them! But God says, "Not right now daughter."

All in all, it's been a good day. Without God, would I even be able to say that? Probably not. But God makes awesomeness from let downs. I praise Him for that! I am worn out. I went to Knoxville with my mom for those 2 appointments (we won't know anything on the gene for around 2-3 weeks and the mammogram for 4-5 days). It was hard to listen to all the genetic counseling about this gene, especially knowing that my aunt has it. It hurt me for her and possible for all of us. But God is bigger than that gene and I truly believe my aunt will be OK as well as my mom and the rest of us.

I was up at 5am and heading out at 5:30. I had my test done at 5 minutes until 6. I didn't find my test results out for sure until about 2:30 pm but after last night's test I was pretty sure.

I stopped the progesterone in oil shots today and am waiting on my CD 1 to arrive. Funny how it doesn't bother me to watch for it now. I will start a morning shot of 2 powders/1cc fluid and another one the same way in the evening. And the whole thing will begin again.

I am not letting go of my faith statement. I am claiming it again this month. God has not let me down, He is just protecting me from something. He's waiting for the perfect time. Deep in my heart, no matter how much my mind tries to not believe it, I know this to be true.

What do I need from my humble, beloved, giving friends? Just lots of Prayer for God's will and God's strength. Pray for my child that does exist in Heaven as much as he/she does here in my heart. I've been Praying for it's Salvation for a long time now. I honestly believe God will answer that Prayer just like He will answer the Prayer of my child's existence. I have always felt it and I believe it to be true.

Much love to each of you and many thanks to all of you who have been dear friends that I can lean on. I love you dearly!

Ps. Keep Praying for mom's test results and my aunt to continue to do better!

5 Remarks:

beth ewing

so sorry girl. still praying for you.

Hear My Cry

Praying for you sweetie!

Alicia

I will pray for that baby, hang in there!

Stacey

Thanks for the updates. Praying for you and your family.

Samantha

I know that it is hard when you see those around you preganant and having children. Especially when it is your best friend, but the Lord gave me strngth through my best friends pregnancy but I know at times it feels like the pain is unbearable. Know that people are praying for you, Trust in the Lord and he will lead us out of this!