Progesterone Month 5 Post Op

Just a quick note to tell you my progesterone results.... 22. My doctor said that was good, though I have to admit I really thought that it would be higher since I'm taking these shots. But oh well. I'm just thankful to God that it was higher than it was last month. Thank you Father!

I feel crampy and my knees ache ( just like they always do before my visitor). I just Pray that it is this month. I figure that I may be late starting if it isn't because of the progesterone supplements. I've heard they can delay your period. Any of you guys have that happen?

1 Peter 5:6-7 .... and I Would Die For That

1 Peter 5:6-7

King James Version
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Father, I Pray that this will be my "due time."

3rd IUI and My Faith Statment

The IUI went well yesterday. My cervix had to be moved a bit again (as always) and there was a bit of bleeding. There were also a few issues that made them have to spin the specimen a bit longer because of thickness but it all turned out well. I took my Prayer cloth from Shelly and Brandon's church and placed it over my left ovary and uterus area. I Prayed the entire time that I had to wait after the procedure was completed.

Michael and I went down after Church on Wed. It was such a long day with our district walk-thru at work, my nephew (cousin) coming to visit, mamaw stopping by, Church, and then a middle of the night trip to Knoxville! We didn't arrive at our hotel until like after midnight. We ended up staying at a closer hotel this time and we even got a discount through Michael's work.

I felt myself getting ill Wed. but I just kept pushing myself because that's what I do best! haha Anyway, it hit Thursday morning. When I say hit, I mean it hit hard. I was exhausted from coughing and sneezing all night, so much so that I didn't even want to be touched let alone have an IUI. But I went and dropped off the specimen and then went back to the hotel to have a contential breakfast with my hubby before heading back for the procedure.

The doctor put me on progesterone in oil shots and I had to overnight them from Barron's Pharmacy in Ohio. The 2 vials of PIO and the needles and syringes plus the overnight shipping was $96 bucks. Doesn't seem like a lot but it is when you are already paying hundreds for your meds in the first place plus a couple hundred for the IUI and travel/rooms. Mentally exhausting.

So anyway, my doctor and I laughed for a few minutes together about me and my random "shot" moments on the side of the highway. She also told me to let her know if this cold got worse, ie. a fever, so that she could put me on a safe antibiotic. I had to end up calling this morning because it did just that.

After the IUI yesterday, Michael and I went to Wasabi's, my favorite Japenese place in Knoxville. He always wants to take me because I love it but I had to force myself to enjoy it yesterday because I felt so bad. I slept most of the way home and then most of the evening.

I was watching Pastor John Hagee's sermon on writing down your request as a statment of faith and not believing that God can do it but that God will do it. It was really uplifting and I enjoyed it thoroughly. So I am going to write my faith statement on my blog since I consider it my safe place.

"I am asking God to bless me with my very own child(ren) and a personal pregnancy with each one this month. I know that God cares for me and is in control. I also know that HE CAN. But beyond that, my step of faith this month is to realize that HE WILL."

Pastor Hagee mentioned that it is scary to write something so affirmative down on paper and I must admit that it is. It's hard to totally say I am giving over totally to this faith and it will happen. But, shouldn't I be able to let my faith be that strong? Well here is my attempt to try!

So... please continue to Pray for the success of this cycle if it be God's will and for me to get better soon from this silly cold. Keep Praying about all the previous requests, too.

Baby Jonah

Much thanks to my high school friend Kim for the information on this precious child. Please Pray for a precious little one named Jonah. Click on his name to read his story and Pray guys!

News From Yesterday's Ultrasound

I went back for my final ultrasound yesterday. Two of my eggs had stopped growing so I am left with 2. I, of course, have worried about that. However, I do realize that maybe it was an answer to my Prayer to God that I wouldn't have to be put in a decision to decide about extra babies that my little uterus didn't have room for.

My doctor called me at about 5:30 yesterday evening after I had just gotten finished crying out some of my frustration and was reading my Bible. She told me that my estradiol level was 469 which was right where she wanted it. I asked her if she still thought I had a good shot at it this cycle and she said yes. She went on to say that we were going to be extremely aggressive next cycle if this one didn't work because she really wants me pregnant by the end of the next cycle. This has been my biggest fear the entire time, not getting pregnant in this 6 month window after surgery because this is the best time for it to work. The aggressive cycle she was telling me about will include triple the meds I have been on which is triple the money that I've been paying. She also said that we'd really be flirting with multiples with the increase in meds. Talk about sick. I felt like I was going to throw up after calculating that up.

I completely let go after hanging up and I just cried and grieved my heart out. Here I had just gotten good news about my estradiol levels and I was already worrying about money for the next cycle because I have to order all that this week. I cried and cried and my mother (my best earthly friend in the world) was at a loss. She, of course, started tearing up and told me that it was so hard to watch me daily hang on by a thread. That pretty much sums up how I feel. Just hanging by a tiny thread that is ready to break at any given moment.

Guys, I'm sick of worrying about getting pregnant, yet I can't let go of it. I'm so mentally exhausted that I can't even remember what it was I use to think about before infertility. I can't remember who I was, because I have definitely lost most of that person in these last 2 years. I tired of being on pins and needles every day. I'm physically exhausted with all the running and trying to do all my normal things as well. I'm tired of having to answer questions all the time out in public and having to act ok when sometimes I'm really not. God please help me! I feel like I am trapped in a hole and I can't see my way clear.

I know things could be worse. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful family who are all still alive and ok. I'm thankful for my Salvation and for all my many blessings. I just don't know how else to deal with my dream of becoming a mother slipping further away. I trust God and I know He has a plan. I just definitely need your Prayers to help me continue on. I gave this cycle to God on the day it started and I have been trying to not think so much about it. I was doing really good with that until yesterday.

I haven't the slightest idea how I will come up with these massive amounts of money each month and the consequences of an extremely aggressive cycle, ie. multiple babies. I'm trying to just not think and lean on God. Please Pray that I can do just that.

In the midst of all my personal turmoil, I still want to thank my precious Savior for His love and His patience with me. HE alone knows what my frame can take and I trust Him no matter how hard this is. I love you Father.

God's Will ... CD 10 Month 5 after surgery

Hi guys:

Well... we all Prayed for God's will (which we always do) and His will for me today was to have 3-4 really good eggs on my good side. Praise His name! He is much better to me than I deserve. The doctor said that this month looks really promising. She said my eggs seemed to be moving much faster than last month and my estradiol levels came back at 282 at CD 10. Last month on CD 9 my levels were 82. This is a big improvement. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and then she'll let me know when the insemination will be. Continue to Pray for this cycle.

There was one concern that she had dealing with the fact that my odds for triplets is increased this month. She said that my uterus couldn't hold triplets and that if I got pregnant with them, my high risk OB would bring up the reduction issue in order to save 2 of them. The main reason is because my uterus will want to contract when it feels full (like a normal one would with a baby at full term) and the more babies, the sooner that is. She said that with 3 it would probably be around 20 weeks which would mean they would all be born then and that is too early to save them. She said that it may not even happen but it was a possibility. I told her I just didn't know how I could do that. I honestly don't want to be in that situation but in my situation this is the sort of cycle we have been trying to achieve which automatically puts me at those risks. Just Pray for God to bless me with what He would see fit. Pray that if it is His will for a precious baby to come into my life this month, that this situation would be something I wouldn't have to be in. I know He knows what's best.


Love to each of you!

Ps. Thanks for your Prayers for me, my family and my aunt!

U/S tomorrow CD 10 Month 5 after surgery & Genetic Testing

Hi guys,

Tomorrow will be my ultrasound to see how the eggs are growing. The Prayer request is simple, Pray for God's will. I do Pray that His will involves left sided, good eggs with good estradiol... BUT .... if it doesn't, He knows what He's doing. He's in total control and I trust Him. It is definitely scary sometimes, but He's the real deal! So just Pray!

Another Prayer request .... my aunt, who is battling ovarian cancer, had genetic testing to see if there were any genes that put her at a higher risk for developing cancer. The testing came back and the doctor told her that she has a mutated gene the labels her with HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. According to her doctor in Lexington, Ky, she is one of the only cases in this area. The only other case in this area (possibly even in Ky) is in Somerset, Ky which is not very far from me. The doctor said that we are more than likely distantly related to the folks who have it there. As a result, my mother, brother and I have to be tested.

So.... what is HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. Here's a brief synoposis:


(From About.com)

Most people have about a 6% chance of developing colon cancer at some point in their lives; people with Lynch syndrome have about an 80% chance. Lynch syndrome is caused by a mutation in any of five genes, and is also called hereditary nonpolyposis colon cancer (HNPCC).

Preventing Cancer in Women with Lynch Syndrome
Lynch syndrome is a genetic condition that predisposes people to colon cancer and other cancers as well. For example, women with Lynch Syndrome also have about a 50 percent chance of developing uterine cancer and a 10 percent chance of developing ovarian cancer. This study looked at ways to prevent the other cancers from occurring.

HNPCC Settles in America
Scientists combined genetic testing with genealogy to identify a cancer-causing genetic mutation brought to the U.S. by a German immigrant. People with this mutation have about an 80 percent risk of developing colorectal cancer at some point in their lives.


So, to make a long story short we were very upset on Sunday when all this news came about. Those chances are so extremely high and it stresses me more for my family than even for myself. So, please Pray for our tests to come back negative without the gene IF it be God's will. And please Pray for peace through all this as well. I know my aunt is scared but she is totally trusting God which is the best thing anyone could do. I love her dearly and I just Pray that she continues to do well as she finishes up her chemo in the couple of months.

She sent me this email and I wanna share it with all my infertility friends because these truths are so vitally important for us to know. God loves us and He wants to care for us... we just have to let Him.

A different take on the Commandments...

TO: YOU
FROM: GOD

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these modern TEN COMMANDMENTS, also.

1.) QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2.) PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs to be done or taken care of; Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let Me be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And although my to-do-list is long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3.) TRUST ME
Once you've given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back, Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problems with finances? Put them on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4.) LEAVE IT ALONE
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger how, I think I can handle it from here. "Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5.) TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6.) HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7.) SHARE
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten.

8.) BE PATIENT
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, and rush.

9.) BE KIND
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

10.) LOVE YOURSELF
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself It makes my heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!!

With all my heart I love you, God.

Much Blessed Love,

No Cysts and Time Frame

There were no cysts! Praise God! The doctor told me that the only cysts that she would be concerned with would be those on the left and since there weren't any at all, we didn't have to worry about that. I am following the same game plan as last month. 2 amps of powder to 1 cc of fluid daily. I go back for another ultrasound next Wed to see if I have any good left sided eggs. PRAY!!! If that is the case, she will tell me to either continue to nourish them with shots for more growth or tell me that we are ready for an IUI if there are more than 2. She did say that since my progesterone was so low this past month she is going to put me on progesterone shots after insemination (God willing we get that far with this cycle!) After I get pregnant, I will switch over to the suppositories.

I asked her about her time frame for me because I have been worried that she may want me to go to IVF soon. IVF is a wonderful thing but it is just something that I do not want to do unless I have to based on various reasons, one of which being the price $10,000. If God leads me to it, I will follow through just as my dear friend Elaine is doing right now. It truly is a blessed option but I really want to see if this can happen without it.

Anyway, her time frame is 1 year from surgery. You have no idea how much pressure that took off my shoulders because I have been worried that it would be at the 6 month mark which will be this May. I still Pray that God will send a child by the 6 month mark because your chances are increased but I trust Him and His will. He has the perfect time! Praise His precious name!

Daily meditating on my promise from God via my blessed earthly father....

Genesis 30:22: "And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb."

Quick Request... U/S tomorrow morning

I wanted to ask for your Prayers as I go to an ultrasound appointment tomorrow to make sure I don't have any ovarian cysts from the last cycle. If I do, this cycle will get canceled which I really don't want but just Pray for God's perfect will. And Pray for me!

Much Love,

I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Dearest Sisters..... I have once again started my period. It was last night at around 10pm. I had found out yesterday afternoon that my progesterone was only 7 on peak day. I was shocked because it has never been so low. (It is suppose to be at least a 15 on meds.) So my doctor put me on progesterone suppositories (prometrium) and I was actually getting ready to use the second one last night when I realized that I had started my period. I couldn't believe it because I really thought this was the month. Yet, it is another valley that I find myself in again today. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up with a baby of my own. If only it were that simple. But as the title says (I borrowed it from the song with the same title .... you can see the lyrics at the bottom of this post), I must go through this valley to stand upon the mountain of God. I know that this is just something I have to go through.

I feel in my heart that God will bless me with the opportunity to be a mom and I truly believe He will bless me with the opportunity to experience pregnancy. Do any of you feel that way? If so, please let me know because it's really good to hear that God is speaking to other hearts about the whole situation.

Still... I say without a shadow of a doubt that My God, My Savior, My Hero is still just so wonderful and good! He loves me and for some reason He is waiting for a certain time. I don't understand and to be truthful, it scares me too death to try, but He has a perfect reason and a perfect time.

Just continue to Pray for my husband and I along with our families. Please Pray for God to speak to my heart and help me know the right decisions to make and honestly, for my sanity and the peace of God to cover me. I need His strength, peace, and grace to make it through all this again this cycle. Pray for good eggs, lots of them on the left side again this month! Please Pray that God will send us a child of our own soon if possible in His will. I don't ask that it be soon because I'm being impatient (I've learned a lot about that in the last 2 years), but because I am physically and mentally worn out with this. This isn't something I can just do and not think about. It consumes me. Please just Pray beloved friends!

TONIGHT, FATHER I GIVE YOU TOTAL CONTROL OF THIS CYCLE AND THE FEARS AND ANXIETIES THAT I HAVE HAD FOR SO LONG. GO BEFORE ME AND CARRY ME THROUGH THIS ENTIRE SITUATION.


Mountain of God
by Third Day


I thought that I was all alone,
broken and afraid,
but you were there with me,
you were there with me.
And I didn't even know
I had lost my way,
but you were there with me,
yes, you were there with me.
Tell you opened up my eyes I never knew,
that I couldn't ever make it without you.

Chorus:
Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard.
Well the one who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley
to stand upon the Mountain of God.

As I travel on the road,
you have led me down,
you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
And I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
that you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
Mountain Of God lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/17600-Mountain-Of-God~Third-Day.html
I confess from time to time I lose my way,
but you were always there to bring me back again.

~chorus~

Bridge:
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from,
And the things I've left behind.
Well, of all I've had,
what I possess,
they can't quite compare,
with what's in front of me,
with what's in front of me.

Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard,
well, the one who's gone before me,
he will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
well, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain. . .
yes, I must go through the valley,
to stand upon the mountain of God.




Much love,