National Infertility Awareness Week Is This Week! ... Thanks Dena

In the woes of all my personal drama... I didn't realize that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Take just a moment to Pray for all of us who are going through infertility. If you are not an infertile.... take a few minutes to do speak something kind to those who are. I know from experience that we truly appreciate kind words : ) God bless!

Psalm 37 ... God's Reminders to Me

So ... last month in the shower Psalm 37:4 came to my heart. I was disheartened and hurt and God spoke to me through that verse. Today during Prayer time I was flipping through my Bible and landed on Psalm 37. As I started reading I ran into that verse. It brought tears to my eyes to see what God was once again reminding me of. Tonight at our church my pastor opened up the service with ... Psalm 37. Once again, it brought tears to my eyes. How good God is and how awesome His promises are!

I know that no matter the outcome this weekend ... He has a big plan for my desires. I am not saying that if I get a negative result that I won't be upset and hurt... but deep down I'll always know that God has a perfect will and that He is keeping me right in the center of it and I'll be grateful for that opportunity!

(Side note: my progesterone was 72)

Please read this chapter:

Psalm 37 (King James Version)

Psalm 37

¹Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

²For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.

³Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

⁴Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

⁵Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

⁶And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

⁷Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

⁸Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

⁹For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

¹⁰For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

¹¹But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

¹²The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

¹³The LORD shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

¹⁵Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

¹⁸The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

¹⁹They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

²⁰But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

²¹The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

²²For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

²³The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

²⁴Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

²⁵I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

²⁶He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

²⁷Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

²⁸For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

³⁰The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

³¹The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

³²The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

³³The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

³⁴Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

³⁵I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

³⁶Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

³⁷Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

³⁸But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

³⁹But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.

⁴⁰And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

8 DPO ... Just A Drop

Nothing really to report. I feel absolutely nothing. Should I? It's amazing to me that all the information I need and desire to know, yet am scared to death to hear .... is all found in one drop of blood. How awesome to think of a drop of blood that is way more important than mine ... the blood of Jesus! All that I needed forever .... found in just one drop of His shed blood for my sins! How awesome. And today I hold his verse dear because it is all I have in the midst of this 2ww.

Joshua 1:9

King James Version Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Please just continue to Pray for this precious miracle that happens to many but is only realized by a few ... I want to be in that few.

1 DPO

Just a quick note... today is day 1 past ovulation. The IUI went well yesterday. I again took my Prayer cloth with me. Funny .. I lost it in the office when I was getting dressed after the procedure. I got down the street and realized it, so I headed back to the office and my doctor dug through the garbage (I had accidentally thrown it away with the paper that covered me) until she found it. I want to hang on to my Prayer cloth because it is something tangible that I can hold that reminds me of all the Prayers that are going up for me and Baby Goodlett.

My RE told me that she had once had a girl hold a baby Jesus figure while having her IUI. The girl got pregnant and passed it to all of her friends who got pregnant. : ) We got a kick out of that. I guess you just had to hear her tell me that story : )

Anyway... continue to Pray that God is knitting this precious child in my womb even now as we speak! I believe that He will! Another thing, Pray for my abdomen which is extremely sore.. not sure if it's from my swollen ovaries, ovulation, or both. Anyway... I've been in pain for 2 days. It's not unbearable but it is uncomfortable.

Much love!

PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THIS BLESSED CYCLE!

5 Left Sided Eggs..... Wowing Estradiol Levels... It's all up to the Tube ... nah... Actually it's up to God!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

²²And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

Well.......

I still have all 5 eggs growing! That was great news. The even better news came at about 4pm this evening when my RE called to tell me that my estradiol levels were around 2,011 ( i think that was the exact number). WOW! Just so in shock at how well this cycle has gone. But why? My Heavenly Father has guided me through each day of it and I truly believe that my precious baby is just waiting to be formed this weekend!

My RE said that this was my absolute best chance so far. She said that it was all up to my lil left tube! I know that it's really up to my BIG, STRONG HEAVENLY FATHER! She said that my tube needs to reach out and grab these eggs and that that's why our goal is to have so many eggs. She said that sometimes with an abnormal uterus, your tube doesn't move around and grab the eggs as easily. So I Pray right now that God would let this tube be very mobile this time and that it would pick up the perfect eggs and the right amount of eggs.

Lastly, we are flirting with multiple babies again. PLEASE... Pray that God will give me what I can handle physically (with my unicornuate uterus condition). I hate the thought of being put in the situation of having to make hard decisions.


I am still claiming my faith statement. God will do this... I believe that with all my heart. He works in His time and Lord knows that I know that! I Pray that His will will be done and I honestly believe that the creation of this baby is a part of that will.

Prayer Requests:

1. Pray that my tube does it's job!
2. Pray that everything is perfectly compatible with my hubby's sample and my eggs!
3. Pray that my uterus will be ripe and ready (oh yea... she said that it looked better than it ever had to hold a baby!)
4. Pray for a safe trip to Knoxville for us and some money breaks (cheaper hotel rates haha ) along the way.
5. PLEASE... ASK YOUR CHURCHES TO PRAY FOR ME SUNDAY MORNING ... I WILL BE HAVING THIS DONE ON SUNDAY MORNING AROUND 8:30. ASK EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW TO PRAY! AND PRAY ACCORDING TO GOD'S WILL!

Much love!

P.S. My aunt Sandy and my mom feel that this is it... I just Pray that it is!

Praise God For Answered Prayers!

Continuing to claim :

Genesis 30:22 (King James Version)

²²And God remembered Alesha, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

Quick, Wonderful, Awesome Praise report and Prayer requests for you.

Yesterday, my mom went for a second mamogram to check a small lump that was found and it came back noncancerous. She also recieved the results from the genetic testing. Praise the Lord, she didn't have it which means my brother and I can't have it. Such a blessing.

I went for my Day 10 ultrasound and had 7 eggs... 5 on the left (good side) 2 on the right (not connected side but in a rare way could happen). My estradiol levels were in the 600's (642 I think)! Praise be to God for this good news.

Prayer Request:
1. Continue to Pray for my aunt who is almost finished with her chemo and is back at work as a principal.

2. Pray my eggs continue to grow on the left side. There's always a chance that they could stop growing, (like 2 of them did last month). Just Pray that if it is God's will, they will continue to grow.

3. Pray for God's will in this cycle. Pray that if it is any way possible in His will that this would be the month. I know He can and I believe in my heart that He will! I am at my wits end with this whole process but He is carrying me through it. He is soo good.

4. Last but not least, Pray that my mom's next 2 appointments (rheumatologist and doctor for her bulging disk along with her upcoming cardiologist apt. in July) go well and that she can get some relief. If it seems like my mom has been through a lot... she has. But she is the strongest woman I know and she truly is my very best friend here on earth! I Praise God for her and my dad for that matter. She is worthy of our Prayers!

Much love to each of you!
Many Prayers for your situations!
God loves you and so do I!

A Woman with Issue is Healed .... soon ... By Faith

I was reading my Bible this morning in Job. I've been reading there for awhile now. I came across a verse in Job 16 that referenced Isaiah 50:6. That verse dealt with Jesus being obedient unto death. I then flipped to the New Testament to read about the Crucifixion and resurrection of my blessed Savior keeping in mind that this is Easter weekend. On my way to those readings, I flipped past Luke 8: 41-48, A Woman with Issue Is Healed. I kept flipping but for some reason I was drawn to go back to these verses.

I have read this a thousand times but I felt, as I read it this time, that I could view it as my story. I felt as though it was my promise to come. No, I don't have an issue of blood full flowing for 12 years, but I have had an issue of infertility for 2. I think the faith in this story is what matters, not the condition.

Here is the story (when I say story, I mean true story) from 3 of the gospels.

Luke 8:41-48 (King James Version)

⁴¹And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house:

⁴²For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went the people thronged him.

⁴³And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,

⁴⁴Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.

⁴⁵And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

⁴⁶And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.

⁴⁷And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.

⁴⁸And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.

Matthew 9:18-22 (King James Version)

¹⁸While he spake these things unto them, behold, there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, saying, My daughter is even now dead: but come and lay thy hand upon her, and she shall live.

¹⁹And Jesus arose, and followed him, and so did his disciples.

²⁰And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:

²¹For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.

²²But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

Mark 5:21-34 (King James Version)

²¹And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea.

²²And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,

²³And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live.

²⁴And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.

²⁵And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,

²⁶And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,

²⁷When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.

²⁸For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

²⁹And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.

³⁰And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?

³¹And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?

³²And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.

³³But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.

³⁴And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

No, I don't have a disease I am dying with. But mentally it feels that way at times. It has been said that infertility patients sometimes have depression similar to those who have battled cancer. It is an ongoing thing that is so hard to find relief in aside from the peace from Jesus Christ.

Notice the things I have made bold in print. The woman had been sick for awhile and had spent everything she had on doctors. Sounds familiar to me, how about you? I love my doctor dearly but she is not the person who will make me conceive. She does all that she can do and then it is up to God.

If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.

If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.

I feel this way myself. I feel as though I am diving through the crowd to just touch the hem of my Savior's garment.

And what happened when she did? She was healed instantly. The Bible doesn't say that she began feeling better, no it was straightway, right then. And she felt her complete healing right then!

Imagine this woman! How awesome would it be to take this leap of faith? To touch this Savior's garment with all faith that you would be healed and for it to actually happen! She must have lived the rest of her life with the words of her Savior echoing in her mind, "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace."

Is this worth suffering for? I think so. Twelve years she spent suffering and coping with this disease before this healing and yet it brought her to this wonderful experience with Jesus. I think my infertility is worth suffering for because it has brought me closer to my Savior. I think that His answer is awaiting me and that it will be a miraculous experience. I don't know how or when but I claim this promise.

I want to be found touching Jesus' hem. I want to hear Him say, "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace." And I want to do just that, to go in peace.

It is a scary thing to step out on faith. Yet, I believe in my situation, that's where God is leading me. Total and complete surrender of this situation to Him and His will. I have faith that I will hear His words and be blessed with a precious gift from Heaven in the form of 10 little fingers and 10 little toes.

I claim my faith statement from last month. I believe this will be the month. Most importantly, I believe that no matter what month it is, it WILL (not just can) happen, just in God's time.

Have a great Easter guys and remember the cost of our Salvation. Most importantly, remember that this same Jesus who died a horrible death and arose on the third day .... is the same Jesus who is or can carry you through this down pouring rain of infertility or whatever your struggle is.

Blog Award #1

My precious blogger friend Beth has been so gracious as to give me an award for my infertility blog. It is a sisterhood award and I appreciate it very much! Beth was my inspiration for starting this blog because she took the initiative to start hers first and I followed suit. Thanks again Beth for the award and for your beautiful friendship!


Rules of The Sisterhood Award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
4. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
5. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award


I award this Sisterhood Award to the following blogs:

1. Beth : Not only did she give this award to me, but she also has an awesome blog that I follow daily!

2. Elaine: I know Beth gave this to her as well but I just love reading Elaine's posts. They are so uplifting and she is so humble.

3. April: Such a sweetheart and so strong in her faith even though she has been through so much on this journey.

4. Sara: My beloved UU buddy and mom to miracle, cutiepie Brynn. The only person that really "gets" all this that I am going through with my little, half of a uterus!

5. Alicia: Such an encourager! Always bathing my blog in sweet, encouraging comments!

6. Samantha: A girl from my hometown who is trusting and leaning on God like me! Such a nice and true person!

7. Jenileigh: A true inspiration to follow God's will ... and such a good mother!

8. Stacey: Another precious IF friend who has been through so much! Very gracious with the comments as well!

9. Kristi: An old friend from VBS at my old church ... we kept in touch then lost touch and then reconnected through blog world. Kristi was the inspiration for my main blog, Shine 4 Jesus! She has not been through IF but has been a blessing and inspiration to me : ) Maybe she can rub some of her "fertility" off on me : )

10. Melissa: Last but definitely not least! I met Melissa when I taught at UB in the summers and she was a counselor. She is absolutely the most upbeat person that I have ever met and she truly reminds you just how grateful we should be to God for His precious blessings. I just love her dearly! Always encouraging to me!


Much love to all of you!

Update Month 6 Begins

I went to the doctor yesterday and my ultrasound showed no cysts. I waited for my estradiol levels until about 1:30 and they were 40 which was good. So I was given the green light to go. Thank God for that!!! I need lots of left sided eggs that are either bigger or at least growing at the same rate as the right sided ones. I also need Prayers that I won't have to be put in the situation of multiples .... so many that my uterus won't hold I mean.

I had a more relaxing day yesterday than I usually do because I actually took the whole day off. I went to Target (I love Target) and got some Japanese mushroom soup to keep in the fridge for lunch today and tomorrow for mom and I. I also ran a few errands.

Church was great tonight as usual. I love my pastor. There is no better pastor ... he is so blessed with his abilities. And... his sermons always help me to grow and that's so important!

I haven't been feeling so good. I don't know if it's the double dose of hormones daily or what. My hips are soo sore from so many shots for the past 65+ days. Please Pray for me. I'm not a baby when it comes to needles... it's not really a big deal to me, but I am sore and it does hurt so I covet those Prayers. Also, if any of you have advice for making the swelling and knots go down, feel free to pass that along.

Continue to Pray for my mom and her tests results and upcoming doctor's appointments (and the scheduling and rescheduling of them around work) and my aunt.

Much love and Prayers to each of you!

Empty Arms, Broken Hearts Video

Isaiah 30:18 (King James Version)

¹⁸And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.

I have had a really hard time today. I have felt soo horrible with some major sinus problems. I slept for 4 hours this evening and then started my period. I still feel pretty yucky and it's almost 12am. I am stressed because I have been thinking about how I am going to have to figure out work around traveling to Knoxville again. The thought just wears me out. I wish that I was "one of those folks" who could just do it and not worry but that's just not me. I feel like I am spread so thin and I can't seem to do it all appropriately. Please just Pray for me as I try to figure all this out. I am going to see if my ultrasound for cysts can be done locally but if it is going to be too much of a headache, I'm just going to head back to Knoxville.

I came across this video tonight and felt it appropriately described how I am feeling. I hope this helps some of you who are hurting as well and I hope this helps those of you who have never went through infertility. It sort of helps explain what we are all going through in a very calm way. The part that really describes me currently is the part where it talks about "sending regrets" for not attending baby functions: holiday stuff, baby showers, bday parties, etc.

Much love and Prayers to all of you!

Hard Times

Please just Pray for me guys. Still having a hard time though you probably couldn't tell it. I tend to hide things real well. I did purchase a craft/tool box for all my meds. I've got most of them organized and all so that will make this time easier for me. I just need some hope. Everything I go at lately seems to be so difficult. But God is still good. If I never hold a baby in my arms, He will still be worthy for me to Praise. I truly believe that I will, I just need my heart to tell my head that today. Still no period and that's ok with me. Sort of like a mini break until it starts. Just keep Praying.

And again ... Nope

Today was the beginning of new life for little Jacob Ryan, my friend Kim's little boy. I was so excited for her and sad for me. I was hoping I'd find out I was pregnant and be able to call and tell her that. My other good friend who is pregnant (Deanna) was also upset that this wasn't it. She told me last night that she still didn't feel right because we have been in this whole infertility battle for so long together and I'm still not pregnant. What would we do without friends? Oh how I'd love to have this baby stuff in common with them! But God says, "Not right now daughter."

All in all, it's been a good day. Without God, would I even be able to say that? Probably not. But God makes awesomeness from let downs. I praise Him for that! I am worn out. I went to Knoxville with my mom for those 2 appointments (we won't know anything on the gene for around 2-3 weeks and the mammogram for 4-5 days). It was hard to listen to all the genetic counseling about this gene, especially knowing that my aunt has it. It hurt me for her and possible for all of us. But God is bigger than that gene and I truly believe my aunt will be OK as well as my mom and the rest of us.

I was up at 5am and heading out at 5:30. I had my test done at 5 minutes until 6. I didn't find my test results out for sure until about 2:30 pm but after last night's test I was pretty sure.

I stopped the progesterone in oil shots today and am waiting on my CD 1 to arrive. Funny how it doesn't bother me to watch for it now. I will start a morning shot of 2 powders/1cc fluid and another one the same way in the evening. And the whole thing will begin again.

I am not letting go of my faith statement. I am claiming it again this month. God has not let me down, He is just protecting me from something. He's waiting for the perfect time. Deep in my heart, no matter how much my mind tries to not believe it, I know this to be true.

What do I need from my humble, beloved, giving friends? Just lots of Prayer for God's will and God's strength. Pray for my child that does exist in Heaven as much as he/she does here in my heart. I've been Praying for it's Salvation for a long time now. I honestly believe God will answer that Prayer just like He will answer the Prayer of my child's existence. I have always felt it and I believe it to be true.

Much love to each of you and many thanks to all of you who have been dear friends that I can lean on. I love you dearly!

Ps. Keep Praying for mom's test results and my aunt to continue to do better!

Dunno

Hi guys. Just a quick Prayer Request:

1. Pray for my mom as she goes tomorrow to be tested for the cancer gene HNPCC Lynch Syndrome. Pray that God would bless her to not have that gene. Also, Pray for good results from her mammogram tomorrow.

2. Pray for my friend Kim as she has her baby boy tomorrow.

3. Pray for me. I took a pregnancy test this evening just so I could be prepared for tomorrow since I'll find out while I am at mom's appointments with her. It was negative. I was upset to say the least. Just Pray that no matter if that test was right or wrong, that I'll be at peace with tomorrow's results and that God will lead me with decisions to come.

I still Praise Him even though I am so broken. And I apologize to Him for all those times that I haven't Praised Him enough. I love you Father even when I'm a whiny kid throwing a temper tantrum.


Much Love In Jesus,